Chapter 3 - Between Good and Evil?

4 Duskar 499 CE

Dear . . .

Sigh

Magna, Fauna, and Lody spouted about promises and other babbles. Empty words, devoid of meaning, just trying to calm this hunk of misery and sadness. I could not control myself, and thus, was quite insensitive to Aetala. I gave the same meaningless predictions of the future as all of them, yet I was met with hostility and disdain. I'm not cut out for emotive expressions of language, as I was quite displeased with the situation myself.

I don't know what I felt. I didn't feel sadness for her, nor pity. I just felt like, disdain. I was tired, and I just felt like calming this person down was just another obligation I had to do. All of that on top of trying to understand the nature of good and evil. Of the value of life. Of the value of death. Mother taught me to feel, but she didn't tell me how to regulate and acknowledge those feelings. That was my father's job, yet that part he failed to do. I felt as if war and bloodshed will be my guidance from now on. Pain and suffering will teach me to turn feelings into fuel. I cannot say how or why, but I've concluded that in my head.

Thankfully, Lody came in clutch. He heard a noise down below, on the ground floor. This was a good excuse for me to remove myself from the situation. As I lazily put my foot one after the other over the spiraling staircase, a spear whizzes by my head by a few centimeters. Villagers. One of them had the audacity to taunt me. As if such shoddy equipment could slay me, a goddamn ███████. I obliged.

As I was just readying Durandal, my hand instinctively catches the arrow mid-flight barely a centimeter off my left eye. Then behind me, Magna yelled a name. Agenor. He knew this folk.

As they babbled on useless shit, things that need not repeating, I went over the bar and made myself a faux kombucha; a mix of black tea and cheap whiskey and rum. It's not much, it doesn't taste like kombucha, but it's something to soothe the storms of my mindscape. I also poured some beer for those who needs them.

Agenor and the villagers decided to help us clean up. I preferred to not participate as I fear to be called insensitive again over my body language towards the dead. I'd figure I would treat them as if they're just sacks of flour or like a freshly butchered boar at that moment in time. So I acted as a barkeep for the duration of their work.

After all's said and done, everyone does their own thing. Magna entered his own room and collapsed on the floor. Fauna took refuge amongst the trees. Li Wei, well she flew. I'm not really sure what she did but she slept. Lody prayed. The details I do not know, but he seems content with what's happened. Glad that worked for him. I consulted uncle. His statue. I couldn't help but mutter some words. But I kept everything in. I asked of him a lot inside.

About the nature of war. About its necessity. About the need for bloodshed. Why he likes it. And how can someone who likes to kill, be hailed as a hero. As good. Why has our civilization built on blood of others. Blood of our own. Death and destruction.

Talking to statues. That's what I resorted to. I didn't have any answers. Talking to mother through faith seems unreasonable. I am not a woman of God. I cannot just, talk like Lody did. I don't think expecting an answer would be wise, also.

I was not sure. I am not sure. So I just, slept. I found a vacant bedroom, still with the stench of blood and guts of someone else, and slept.

In deep slumber, I dreamt of destruction. A war. It seemed inevitable, however much we do to prevent. Dragons all spewed opaque fog of a rainbow. The twins, with their renewed army of gigantomachia marched upon the lands. Town, villages, farms, all fell under their bare feet. A cacophony of destruction. Screams of the damned drowned out my auditory perception. I saw myself in gilded armor. Golden wings with a blackened sword. Standing atop the largest dragon. I call upon my people. And as I charge in flight, sword in hand, I felt the warmth of the giant's blood all over my body. And I felt nothing. As if it was all just obligations.

Then, I woke.