S M I L E

"Smile even though I hurt see I smile. I know God is wor-"

As I hear her yell my name

I can't stop the incessant shaking in my frame

It's as if I can feel it's all through my name

These throes and echoes of pain

What is it this time?

Is it gonna be another clothesline?

Or maybe an emotional hammer?

She could use to put me in a mental slammer

For 20 years I've been dealing with this pain

In fact at 13 I knew I'd never be the same

It's probably because she'd already imprinted on my brain

That I would always bring people shame.

What did I do wrong to end up here?

Was it because I didn't write my homework clear?

Was it because my room was dirty that day

That she feels like she needs to treat me this way?

Was it because I look like my dad

Who left her hurting so bad?

Was it because I wanted to live my own life?

Instead of dealing with her strife?

Maybe it's because I didn't want to continue living this lie

Since my dad went into the sky.

I'm left to wonder why she treats me like this

Does she even feel like there are any risks?

I want to declare my own independence

But I'm still trapped in this mental fence

Every night I stay crying because of something she did or said

Not caring if my eyes became red

But I'm too scared to let my true feelings show

Because of my loved ones who I'd have to let go

So maybe I'll just keep these feelings in a file.

And continue living with this fake smile.