Chapter 40: Kiss and Deny

Fahami's POV:

And then, he pressed his soft lips to mine and planted a very gentle, sweet kiss.

I froze. The whole world froze. Was it real? Was it happening?

Then his lips moved against mine, slowly, gently, beautifully.

His hand which was above my heart moved away and settled on my waist, pulling me closer to his body. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I was losing, falling, dying.

His lips danced against mine gracefully. His hand pulled me even closer until our body touched and pressed against each other. His other hand slowly moved from cheek and snaked around my neck, holding it firmly. His lips nibbled on mine, asking me to kiss him back.

What did I do? Nothing. I couldn't move away, couldn't break the torturing bliss.

Suddenly his hand moved away from my waist and held my hand, placing it right above his heart. It was beating fast, and it was beating that way for me. His heart beat for me. And that was it. That made me lose my last bit of sanity and I kissed him back. I kissed him just like he kissed me. Our lips molded against each other, danced with each other perfectly. None of us were fighting for dominance. It was just a breathtaking kiss.

He released my hand and neck and his arms embraced me, crushed me against him.

His tongue coaxed me to open for him. And I did. He took the advantage and went in, tasting every corner of my mouth.

I didn't realize when I started crying. I could feel the tears rolling down. This boy loved me. Loved, Me! I could feel it. The intensity of his kiss was screaming and telling me, 'I love you', 'I love you', 'I love you'. This boy who used to hate my guts, who didn't want my pity, who wanted to go away from me countless times, who pushed me away again and again, was pulling me closer, was making me kiss him back.

He was asking me to stay, to choose him over some man I didn't even know. I really had no idea about whom he was talking about.

' But you liked him, followed him in the first place because he reminded you of Nabil. Your younger brother. You have always considered Taesung as a younger brother. That same boy is kissing you, and you are kissing him back, passionately.'

My subconsciousness yelled at me. Every thing it said was true. I considered this boy as my brother, and I was kissing him passionately.

I didn't know when our sweet, gentle kiss turned into a demanding, passionate one.

' Do something about it. Do something before it's too late. Do something before you start regretting. It's just a moment which won't stay forever. Stop, you will break his heart.'

Heart! My hand was still above his heart. It was beating faster than before like it would explode. But I neither wanted it to explode, nor I wanted to break. His heart was too precious to me. I wanted to find its broken pieces and repair it. His family broke it once, I couldn't break it too. No! I should stop.

But did I want to stop? Was it just a physical contact? Just a physical attraction? Or did I really want to kiss him?

No, I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him. I couldn't do this. I shouldn't do this.

"I can't." I broke the kiss. I was panting, trying hard to gasp air. He seemed to be out of breath too.

"I can't do this." I was gasping for air and trying to stand steadily.

Those addicting illusive eyes, stared at me, asking me ' You just kissed me, then what you can't?'

I closed my eyes and tried to push him away but couldn't make him move an inch.

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes to reject him but stopped in the midway when I saw the desperation in his eyes.

' Oh, God! It will break his heart. Please, help me.'

I straightened up my shoulder and looked into his eyes, ' I am sorry, Taesung.' "I love you, but I am not in love with you." I said in the calmest way.

Although it didn't work, because my confession made him flinch and move him more than an inch. His eyes widened and he backed away.

My lips felt dry despite our passionate kiss. I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "Look I don't know who you are talking about, but I don't love anyone else. I love you but not in that way. I have always considered you as my younger brother, and it won't change. I can't love you in that way."

His face looked pale, as if his blood drained out from his face. He backed away without turning from me. His eyes didn't linger on my face anymore. He wasn't particularly looking at anywhere.

He trembled and mumbled, "No, no. It can't be. No."

His tears gleamed in his eyes. He pressed his hand above his heart like as if it was hurting him.

What should I do? I never wanted to see him in pain. I always wanted to console him, give him comfort and happiness. But what was I doing now? I was hurting him. I was the reason of his sorrows and pain and I wanted to hold him, embrace him and tell him 'It will be alright.' I couldn't tell him 'It will be alright' because I was the one giving him pain and I couldn't save him from me. But I wanted to save him from everything. Why couldn't I do it now?

I tried pulling him out of his maze, "Taesung?" My voice was trembling.

He looked at me. He looked at me and he cried. His tears rolled down and he sobbed. He looked at me for a few seconds as if that was the last time he was watching me. Then he turned on his heels and walked away from me, from our flat, from everything we had.

I fell on the floor, cried and screamed.

' I broke his heart.'

I didn't know that was the last time I was going to see him. If I knew, I wouldn't let him go. I would hold him and beg to him to stay.