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Chapter 10: Probation: Tadpoles & She's a Lady

Wow. So, um...last chapter signalled the start of a lot of negative reviews. Everyone who thought the chapter was good: Thank you, all of you! Your comments really made my day!

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Last chapter was literally the end of the catharsis/angst. That's it. I have nothing else. This chapter is back to the usual funnies, character building and slowly developing plot and it will stay that way. Granted, later chapters will be serious and there will be moments of 'holy shit that's dark', but the angst is over. OVER. *Kicks angst axolotl in the ribs*

Sorry about the wait, Hell is Empty, All the Devils are Here took up some of my time. That's where all the angst is going now.

Warnings: Crossdressing and a brief mention of Consent Laws. The last one isn't as bad as it sounds.

This isn't a filler chapter, more of a world-building one with some foreshadowing.

EDIT: New section Flare added, for character-building purposes.

Probation Month No.7

Tadpoles

It's a shame that the word 'Bedlam' doesn't exist here, because that's how I would describe the current scene.

You see, this morning I got back from my morning run to find Itachi crashed on my floor in full ANBU gear. Once he came round, I found out that his mission had gone really badly and he didn't want to go home just yet; warning bells at that statement. Reticent, even for him, he made use of the shower and had breakfast with me and Juugo. Also technically Hound and Bear, since they ghost around in plain sight often enough to feel like guests/residents now. Juugo goes off to work, I go off to the Academy and Itachi goes to sleep on my bed.

When I get to the Academy, there is exciting news. The Infiltration elective is holding it's start-of-year assessment as a party this year. All students except first years are invited. Non-Infiltration students are to simply come as they are and those taking the Infiltration course have to come as someone else, without using ninjutsu or genjutsu. Older students, so ages 9 to 12, are allowed to bring dates, especially if they're taking the course.

Best. Test. Ever. Dammit, I should have signed up for that course. Except I didn't because I filled my three slots with Trapping, Tactics and Kenjutsu. And, well, I'm tired of pretending. At least I can just enjoy the party, right?

Well...Erumi takes Infiltration. All the serious girls do because it's basically a less frivolous course than the so-called 'kunoichi classes': Domestic Skills(cooking, sewing, etc.), Social skills(gossiping/'intelligence extraction', flower-arranging, calligraphy and an instrument. Also low-level seduction, but only for the final years.) and...Coding. Well, it is a shinobi Village.

On a side-note, Yuyu takes Social Skills and Coding and rocks them. Because she doesn't care. She just plows through it with complete seriousness.

So, yeah. Erumi Nara takes Infiltration. She chose me to be her date; as a friend thing, we both made that clear to each other(and everyone, so stop laughing Torusuke). However, this led to the whole gang wanting to help with her assessment. Because we're nice friends like that and totally not because we want the chance to dress her up. Cough.

We needed a place to plan. The Academy teachers kick everyone out the moment the last bell rings; who could blame them? Toshiki's a Hyuuga and we are not getting through the Compound gates, plus there's the whole thing where we'll have Byakugans on us at all times. Torusuke lives in the Student Dormitory Complex, which is basically a giant Hostel for kids who are too independent to live in the orphanage but aren't ready to live on their own; little-to-no privacy. Erumi would rather not have everyone back to her house because the whole Nara Clan would just invite themselves out of curiosity. Yuyu likes her private space thank-you-very-much.

Guess who's left?

Because I am a walking, bleeding heart of generosity. I didn't let them forget it the whole way back through town.

I opened my apartment door and was immediately mobbed by three dogs instead of one.

Juugo had invited Mao Inuzuka over, not knowing I had my own guests. While Mao introduces himself, I slip away to check on Itachi. He's shut himself in the bedroom with a whole pack of oat biscuits and is pretending he's not hiding from everyone else. Message received, I close the door behind me and go back to find everyone else.

And then a Canon bombshell is dropped.

"Really?" I say politely.

"Yep." Mao grins proudly. "My boy's the daddy of four adorable puppies! Tsume-sama says she's earmarked one of them for her son. Hang on, I've got a picture somewhere...'"

The photograph is produced and while everyone coos over the little bundles of fluff - including me, because puppies in their stumbling hyperactive stage are freaking adorable - my mind connects some dots.

I look at Mao's ninken Sumimaru, a large fluffy male dog who's a pale tea-brown with black splodges. He also has long floppy ears, one of those lower jaws with lips that sag open a little and make him look constantly-smiling and eyes that are always creased-closed.

I look at the female dog in the picture who looks more like a Bloodhound-German Shepherd mix: loose skin around the eyes and throat with prominent 'eyebrows'. She's also pure white apart from some mottled grey patches on her hindquarters.

As Mao points out the puppy who is to become the partner of Tsume Inuzuka's son, everything slams into place. Akamaru. Of course. The Bloodhound genes explain why Akamaru went all saggy around the eyes and jaw in the Epilogue. Everyone thought he was just getting old, but he was only just coming into his full adult appearance. Good to know, actually; Akamaru's too damn cute to die so soon.

I'm so busy coming to terms with that, that when Toshiki asks about designs, I ask him to get me my drawing pad; the one on my bed. "Just down the hall, right at the end, should be just lying on the bed- wait!"

Too late. Toshiki scrambles back with a yelp of shock, making everyone jump to their feet. I merely sigh and walk over to the door, poking my head round. "Sorry, Itachi, I wasn't thinking. You want me to introduce you properly?" He shakes his head. "Okay," I shut the door again.

"Why is there an Uchiha in your bedroom?" Toshiki hisses as all the others stare at me incredulously. I shrug. "He crashes here after missions sometimes, and he's pretty good company as well."

"Itachi...Uchiha?" Mao gapes. "You mean the Uchiha Clan Heir?!"

"He just happens to be firstborn of the Uchiha Clan Head, yes," I say as calmly as possible.

When did I become so...protective of Itachi? It's not about trying to change the future anymore. At least, it is; but not just to save the Uchiha. I don't really care about them, to be honest. I'm not that nice of a person that I automatically want to save someone just because they're going to die, even if they're complete strangers. The coup de tat needed...needs to be stopped anyway. I just want to save the people I've come to care about, even if saving plot-important people comes into that.

I've actually started to like Itachi as a person, not just an 'awesome, tragic character'. He's witty, frighteningly intelligent and somehow still has a kind heart. That last part; maybe it's just projection, but I want him to keep that part of him, even if I cannot. Moreover, Itachi is weak in that he's still a child. In this society, the legal definition of a child tends to be quite flexible, but time cannot be bent that way. He's still mentally a child, and IQ has nothing to do with that. He doesn't have the self-awareness and self assurance of what his limits are and the ways to enforce them, which is why he got torn between Clan and Village and didn't know how to give his own thoughts on the matter. I do, even if some of my emotions tend to run a little wild still, thanks to my physically younger brain.

Itachi shouldn't have to be labelled with titles yet, so I'm defending what little emotional freedom he has. If that means hiding him in my bedroom, so be it.

I fix a smirking Torusuke with my dirtiest look. This gay thing is going to be my signature running joke, I just know it. "Don't say it," I threaten.

"Stashing another boy in your bedroom, then calling him 'good company'?" Erumi snickers. "Not helping your case, Kimimaro." I blanch; damn brain, making me say things.

"I hate you all," I moan, collapsing onto the sofa beside Yuyu, who sarcastically pats me on the shoulder. "That's it! Erumi, you are now a kleptomaniac. Torusuke, you're a sadist. Toshiki's a pervert and Yuyu is a stalker. If I get a running joke, you all do too." Torusuke shrugs; "Fair's fair." Toshiki blushes red, sputtering incoherently.

"Pervert!?"

I lean over and pat him on the cheek condescendingly. "Byakugan, mate, Byakugan. Pervy doujutsu, don't even try to deny it." Steam's coming out his ears, I swear to Kami, and his brain seems to have failed him; he's staring blankly at me, garbled sounds of confusing coming from him. Over to the side, Mao looks like he's having a seizure, he's silently laughing so hard.

That's when Juugo whips his head round to look out the window, the alarm at a drastically unfamiliar chakra signature clear on his face, and I ready my bones, shouting "Get down!" Hound and Bear Shunshin in front of me and Itachi rushes in, ANBU gear on. Smoke shrouds a large figure as it bursts into the existence in the centre of the room and I immediately slap down five paper tags. Special seals I designed to disrupt the chakra of any jutsu in their surroundings once activated, based off of chakra-sealing tags. Not finished yet, but whether they work or backfire, should buy some time to get everyone away.

"Well, hello there!" Booms a voice.

Eh?

The smoke clears, to reveal spiky white hair, a horned headband plate and a red haori. "The hermit of Mount Myoboku, the wise and talented Jiraiya the Toad Mountain Sage is here!"

Yuyu claps. Slowly. Projecting deep disapproval and annoyance. It echoes in the silence and Jiraiya visibly wilts as all of us resume what we were doing as if nothing happened, save for myself.

"I wondered when my request would reach you, Jiraiya-sama," I say calmly, reshuffling my retrieved sealing tags. "A sealing master who is also proficient in controlling Nature chakra is exactly what Juugo needs. You see, I-" A large, heavy, calloused hand ruffles my hair.

"Yes, yes, we'll get to that. But it's you I really came to see, Kaguya -whoah!" I can't help it; nobody. Touches. My. Head. It's my one physical trigger point that drives me nuts. Everyone in this apartment save Mao and Jiraiya know that, some from personal experience, so they're staring, wondering what my reaction will be.

I don't disappoint.

Sharp-pointed antlers explode from my skull, curving inward and trapping his hand. He withdraws his hand just in time, escaping with only a few lightly bleeding scratches. I hiss like a wildcat, backing away with bone spikes transforming my fingers into neko-te. A second later, I force myself to take a deep breath. "My apologies. I really don't like people touching the crown of my head. And do not presume to act so familiarly with me." The bones sink back into my body and I hear a muttered "still freaks me out how fast that is" from Torusuke.

"Fiesty," Jiraiya mutters, examining his hand. "Sensei didn't mention that. And who're the rest of you brats?"

"Toshiki Huuga." "Erumi Nara." "Torusuke Tonbo." "Yuyu Aburame." They all rattle off.

Jiraiya whistles, as if in awe. "Collecting Clans, are we?" Okay, the condescension is really getting on my nerves now. Bombshell, aim and fire.

"It's not like I'm looking for an Akimichi or a Yamanaka, and it's not like I'm going to come across another Uzumaki anytime soon anyway," I mutter loud enough for most to hear. Jiraiya's face goes startlingly blank, before, he grabs me by the collar and spins us both away in a Shunshin. We both stop, but my feet keep going, and I fall against the trunk of a tree. Ow; rough bark. I seem to spend a lot of time being tossed into, or tied to, trees. Forget the gay thing, this is my actual running joke.

"You said 'another Uzumaki'. Explain. Now."

Oh. Naruto's Godfather. Right.

"Orochimaru's personal hit team of freaks," I explain slowly, making my body language as non-threatening as possible. "One was Tayuya; obvious Uzumaki Heritage. We weren't friends, she was properly brainwashed. I studied old history books and some Uzumaki seals, that's how I know about the Clan, I swear."

He relaxes somewhat at that, the façade of condescending prat slipping slightly to show genuine interest.

"Fine then kid, show me those tags you're holding, I didn't get a proper look at them before." Now we're getting somewhere. I hand them over and he inspects them carefully.

"How long did it take you to come up with this?" He asks after a few seconds. This is good, I could get some real tutoring from him rather than just slogging through on my own.

"Can we go back now?" I have to ask. "The other's will be wondering where we've got to and I can show you all my notes if you like."

She's A Lady...

Thank Hashirama's Bonsai that Konoha is a shinobi Village. Otherwise this would be far more awkward than it already is.

Because my childish emotions got the better of me for a few minutes and I agreed to the terms of a certain bet; the penalty of which I am now paying. Word of advice? Never play Go Fish with Erumi. Or, indeed, any Nara. Because they're all smart enough to count cards, and Erumi is a Master at it, even among them. Itachi also lost, which I think shocked him. But that was nothing compared to his shock when what he'd agreed to for a forfeit sank in.

Unfortunately, we'd actually had the bet witnessed by a neutral third party, which is what shinobi do when they don't want the other(s) to back out with a 'I was drunk off my ass, I didn't mean it'-type excuse. Not that that excuse would have worked in this scenario anyway.

In short, Erumi will be taking Toshiki as her date instead of me. I, meanwhile, will be attending with Itachi as my date. I'm going to be the one in drag.

I'm going to give you a moment to let that process.

It actually isn't as big a deal as my old life would have made it out to be. Like I said, this is a shinobi Village, so disguises or stealth jutsu are the norm. On missions, getting hung up on gender roles or having a sexuality crisis are things nobody has time for. And in general, pretty much any sexual orientation is accepted as long as your chosen partner(s) is SeiHouYuuShou, which is short for Seiketsu, Houteki, Yuunou, Shoufuku. Meaning Clean, Legal, Able and Consenting. Legal age is fifteen here, by the way. Able means that someone hasn't been told to abstain for reasons like disease, pregnancy and other health issues.

But yeah, crossdressing isn't really a big thing. In fact, it's a mark of pride among shinobi if you can pull it off. Admittedly, past a certain age it's infinitely easier to use Henge(if you're not naturally androgynous), but until then, you can do it with makeup and sufficient acting.

I'm just bothered about the fact that the others are going to have way too much fun dressing me up. Curse my long hair and pale skin. At least I convinced Erumi to wear a fake wound as part of her get-up. Those are really fun to do, as long as you don't mind the blood.

"Hol' s'ill," I grunt through the makeup brush held in my teeth as I carefully apply a mix of glue, red dye and real blood(mine, willingly given) to the fake gash on Erumi's cheek. Good old latex and tissue paper, you never fail. I wince at a tug on my hair.

"Try not to move your head," Toshiki says as he hands another hairclip to Yuyu, whose doing my hair into some sort of cornrows-type thing. Plus, it's dyed a dull brownish-red, because white hair sticks out like a sore thumb. They also made me wash it with girl shampoo from a civilian store for 'extra authenticity'. Bastards.

I also have bandages wrapped around my stomach to compensate for the slight difference in waist width that a girl would have to a boy. At least the makeup to cover up my markings and scars is barely noticeable. Erumi also did something with make up to create the subtle illusion that makes my face looks like it still has some baby fat. Over the long-sleeved top, add a loose jumper that hangs past the waist to disguise any noticeable bumps and loose hakama trousers, and there's my look completed.

Thankfully, Erumi didn't inherit the typical Nara sleepy-eyelids, and once you take her hair out of the classic ponytail, there's already a difference. She doesn't need nearly as many alterations as I did, just softening her hair with some sort of watery stuff so it goes all wavy and shiny before pinning it back to hang loose. Once I've finished this fake gash, I'll tape a piece of gauze over it so the discrepancies between the lips of the cut and her actual face aren't as noticeable. Also, nobody would go anywhere social with an open, untreated wound on their face. Particularly an Academy student, what with parents and all.

Finally, we're done.

Itachi's dropping by to meet us in a few minutes, so it's just the last minute rush of flinging stuff in the bin and the sink. Hound is carrying a pocket camera; I am resigned.

Erumi's dad turns up as well as Itachi, who also turned up with Shisui. Both Erumi's dad and Shisui are carrying cameras too, though Shisui did take pictures of Itachi's double-take when he realised who I was.

"You look...pretty," Itachi says after a moments thought, clearly trying to be diplomatic.

Finally! Someone who called me...wait. "Pretty as in girly-looking-boy, or pretty as in nice-looking-girl?" I ask suspiciously. "The latter," is the prompt reply and I can tell now he's being honest. It's kind of adorable, really. Shisui seems to concur, though apparently for 'such a cute couple' reasons than 'my baby cousin is embarrassed' ones, and gleefully snaps ten more photos. He is waaay too excited about this, but then again, when's the last time Itachi's gone to a party? That question really needs an answer, despite how much I'm sure my guess is mostly accurate.

Erumi's dad having to check her cheek-wound is very gratifying though. I used my own blood, because blood has a very particular scent that's incredibly hard to recreate, so a bloodless scent to a wound is a real giveaway.

Erumi's dad seems to have an...unusual...style of parenting. I say style, I'm more referring to the attitude towards Erumi he displays in this short chat. Clearly he recognises that she's independent and not entirely defenceless, but it has an undercurrent that feels more like favourite-uncle or responsible-older-cousin than parental. Huh. Weird.

The party proper is in a place I recognise. Rock Lee vs Sasuke during the Chunin Exams, basically. Instructors wander through the throng with clipboards, marking down comments and every so often flaring their chakra just in case someone tries Henge or genjutsu. Every so often, they engage the partygoers on short pleasantries, to try and test them further.

Many of the older ones recognise Itachi, and of course are curious about the 'girl' he's with. I think at least one of them has realised I'm not an Infiltration student, if not who I am, but is keeping quiet. Presumably to see if the other Instructors can come to the same conclusions.

Drinks and light finger-food is served, and a few kids' makeup use is given away by smeared lips as a result of not being careful while eating. That, or overuse of makeup.

Toshiki wanders over after a while, grinning like the Cheshire Cat at the sight of Itachi trying to avoid all the fangirls he'd thought he'd escaped via early graduation by sticking close to me. Unfortunately, the Instructors and older students, most noticeably the girls, think it's adorable; my shipper-sense is going off as we speak.

"How's the party? Anyone figure you out yet? " Toshiki asks amiably.

"A few Instructors have figured out I'm crossdressing, and that I'm not Infiltration, but I don't think they know my identity," I relate. "Erumi seems to be attracting quite the circle over there." She's flouncing and preening like the Pretty Girls, relishing the deception, and is holding court over a few who seem to be in awe of her ability to be both cute and intelligent. Toshiki grimaces ever so slightly.

"They think my eyes are creepy. I...I'm not really used to that. Then they started talking over me like I wasn't even there. I've been loitering round the food table since then."

Ouch. Admittedly, the Byakugan is a little disconcerting, but eyes aren't everything about body language. And why didn't Erumi say something? She doesn't take shit like that about, or from, anybody. That reminds me...

"Look," I wince. "I know I call the Byakugan a pervy doujutsu, and it kind of is in a way, but I know you're more than just a Kekkei Genkai. Nobody should be just ignored like that."

"It's Stupid. Never underestimate an opponent," Itachi contributes, happy being on the side-lines in this conversation. He kind of used up his Social Conversation Quota earlier when I saved him from fangirls by drawing him into a nerdy conversation about context and themes in current literature.

Toshiki shrugs self-deprecatingly. "It's okay, I mean, I'm not the most interesting person and I don't fit in most other places anyway, so it's no big deal." Ooh, really feeling the self-recrimination here; he's hurt, but I'm more worried about the blaming-himself part. I'm going to be having serious words with Erumi in the near future and she'd better have a damn good explanation. I'll give the other girls a chance too make up for it, but otherwise, I don't really care if they don't like me after today.

"This is a bad idea," Itachi comments, side-eyeing me with his 'you are planning something stupid' look.

"If you want to establish an alibi, then go and find someone else to talk to. I'm only going to confront some vapid pre-teens in an attempt to dismantle their herd mentality, so if you don't want any of the spotlight that's fine Itachi," I snap, maybe a little harshly. But I'm already towing Toshiki across the room, plastering on my best smile.

"Erumi-cha~n," I say sweetly. "Enjoying the party? Oh, won't you introduce me to your friends?"

One of them does a truly spectacular hair flip, and from her general demeanour, I hate her already. "And who are you? I see the Hyuuga's following you around like a puppy on a leash." There's a flicker of gut-hate towards Hair Flip in Erumi's eyes too; so she is pretending to like them, but shouldn't she know when to draw the line? Or use her new influence to reign them in?

"I'm Kimi," I say, ignoring the slight for now. That shortening my name gives it a female ending works to my advantage. "And this is my friend Toshiki. Hey, Erumi? I just wanted to ask if you wanted to talk to Itachi and me like you said you would."

"Did you want me to get you anything from the drinks table Erumi?" Toshiki asks, a bit more confidant now.

"Oh. My. Kami." Another girl, Fake Blonde, gasps exaggeratedly. "You came with The Itachi Uchiha? Erumi, you didn't say you had arranged to meet up with that cutie!"

Bad word choice; ick. Also, ew?! Itachi's eleven for crying out loud, and you're the same age. I know girls mature faster than boys, but taking about romance already...I have no words. Erumi looks vaguely sick as well.

"Whatever," another one, I'm calling this one Stupid Earrings, rolls her eyes as she checks her hair in a pocket mirror. "Hyuuga, since you're getting drinks, get me a cup of the lemonade." I grip Toshiki's upper arm hard so he doesn't go and do as she says.

"I don't think so," I smile, brittle and icy. I fix Erumi with a pointed 'make this right, now' stare. "He only offered to Erumi. Well, do you want anything? You know, you could at least show some damn interest in your fellow human beings. It's wrong to treat people like dumb animals, after all." My words are aimed at Erumi mainly, but also the Pretty Girl trio. It looks like Erumi got the point, but before she can open her mouth, Hair Flip speaks.

"Well! It's not our fault he was born with a bloodline that makes him both look freaky and the ultimate sneak. Why should we talk to him when all he can do is stare? It's creepy, y'know?" Toshiki is standing. Right. Here. Those two sentences cut deep, I can see it. I can also see Erumi's blood coming to a boil now. But wait! There's more! Fake Blonde starts up, at me this time.

"You know, I don't get why Itachi Uchiha of all people would agree be your date. I mean, it's not like you've got anything going for you-"

"Unless you count intelligent conversation," I retort, interrupting her. This has the effect of all three of them going into full on bitch-mode, circling like snapping hyenas.

"-ugly little tomboy-"

"-so pathetic-"

"-creep lover-"

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Itachi's eyes darken and he takes a step towards us. I discretely shake my head, signalling that he should stand down, I got this. Because, really? These are the best insults they can come up with? Hehe, 'tomboy'...oh, I am going to treasure their faces when they realize it. Even Toshiki is laughing internally at the Dramatic Irony, and Erumi is smirking too.

"Ladies, ladies," I placate. "You don't need to insult me, I was already pissed at you for your attitudes, so you don't need to prove that you're whingey little gnats any further."

They gape, aghast at what I'm saying. I surreptitiously slip Erumi the jar of red blood-mix I used to create her fake wound, that I had sealed into my arm just in case I needed to touch it up later. Luckily, I judged the mischievous glint of revenge in her eyes correctly, and she catches on quickly.

"Itachi just came here as my date as a friend," I continue. "To get to the point, I was going to get you to apologize to Toshiki, but it's not like your opinions are worth anything." Toshiki is snickering at their expressions, and Itachi's eyes have creased slightly in humour from where he's drawn closer in order to keep track of the situation. Erumi undoes the lid of the jar with one hand, spilling a little of the red onto her fingers and palms.

"Oh, and you seem to be labouring under the mistaken impression that I am a girl. I think I pull it off quite well, don't you?" You can see there brains grind to a halt, and Itachi is already preserving the memory via Sharingan. Before they can gather themselves together enough to react, Erumi claps her hands on the shoulders of Fake Blonde and Hair Flip. 'Blood'-covered hands.

"This conversation is over girls. You are going to go home and rethink your lives." Ooh, accidental quote right there, too bad they weren't trying to sell me a drug.

Stupid Earrings notices the red dripping down the shoulder's of her cohorts and squeals like a stuck pig, drawing the others' attention and they squeal too. Dear kami, they've got some lungs on them. Two Instructors home in on us, the woman slapping the girls round the faces to break them out of their hysterics, before marching them off somewhere, presumably to have a quick chat about manners and to get them cleaned up. The man, an Uchiha, surprisingly, squints hard at me before nodding approvingly.

"Huh, nice one. Wrappings around the waist, nice; not many remember that," he compliments curtly, before nodding politely to Itachi. "Itachi-sama. May I see the, ah, mixture?" Erumi hands over the jar. "Colour's just a shade off, but how did you get the smell?"

I wave my hand so he can see the healing slash on the pad of my little finger. "Real blood," I confirm. He nods.

"I, uh, had best see where Yabe-sensei has got with those girls. Good night, Itachi-sama." He disappears into the crowd.

"Well, this was the most awkward night of my life so far," Toshiki chirps. "Hey, Itachi-san, did I see you coming to Kimi-chan's defence just then?"

For Itachi, that expression is the equivalent of a good-natured scowl. "I didn't have to. Kimimaro was perfectly capable."

I find myself actually having to facepalm. "Guys...can we at least wait until we've all hit puberty before we start shipping each other? This is starting to wear thin right now." Toshiki immediately backs down, grin becoming a little less hyper.

"Sorry. I'm off to find somewhere to sit down, my foot's playing up again." He limps away.

"His foot is getting worse," Itachi observes under his breath, and I nod in agreement; "Yeah, he's going to need to expand his repertoire of attacks if his grades in class are going to improve. At least it's not his back, there's that comfort. Do you think you can find any leads on what he might have and whether it's correctable?"

"Hm." That's a yes then.

I lean over and snake my arm around Erumi's shoulders, wearing my creepiest 'Cheshire cat' smile. "You're going to apologize to Toshiki tomorrow," I sing-song in a saccharinely calm way. "I know you helped get rid of those girls, but you shouldn't have sided with them against Toshiki when they insulted him."

She eyes me indignantly, trying to lean away from me. "The whole point of this party is to Infiltrate; I was doing just that. So what if he couldn't get his head around that?"

I lean my head on her shoulder. "You used your skills to get their respect, I get it. Why didn't you use that respect to reign them in, get them to stop? He knows you didn't like them, but he doesn't get why you would let them say those things; you need to apologise."

Her mouth widened into an 'oh' as realisation dawned, before she went pensive as she realised exactly how bad she had messed up. "I screwed up, didn't I?" She muttered dejectedly to herself, before running off in search of him.

That leaves me standing next to Itachi. "Life gets more interesting by the day, doesn't it?" I muse. "Want to get something from the food table?"

Flare

"That," Itachi said carefully and slowly. "Should not have happened."

We both stared at the blackened piece of ground where the chakra paper had fallen and vanished. By which, I mean exploded.

"It's probably your fault somehow, Kimimaro."

"How is this my fault, exactly?!"

"Because reality was fine before you walked into it! Why did it explode like an Exploding Tag?!"

"Hey, it had nothing drawn on it, and that's the bit that goes boom. This is just plain, ordinary chakra paper; it's a completely neutral substance with nothing in it that would create the required feedback loop for a-" Kimimaro cut himself off suddenly, a stunned look on his face. "Why did I...did I give you some of my chakra? I'm missing a little bit."

"I would never steal your chakra and anyway, I don't know how," Itachi huffed. "You can't just...exchange chakra with a touch. It has to be filtered in some way, otherwise the opposing Natures would-" It was his turn to cut himself off, as they both arrived at the same conclusion.

"You're Earth and Yang," Itachi muttered, deep in thought as his mind raced.

"You're Fire and Yin."

"Complete opposites."

"But I never touched the paper," Kimimaro protested absentmindedly.

"You put your hand on my shoulder."

Kimimaro perked up at a sudden idea. "You can see chakra to some extent with the Sharingan, right?"

An answering sigh. "Fine, we'll do it again. But you hold the paper this time."

Taking the square of paper, Kimimaro waited for Itachi to put a hand on his shoulder and activate his Sharingan, before channelling a smidge of chakra. Then promptly dropped it, for it to go off like a small firecracker and make the scorched tussock of grass a bit bigger.

"You aren't stealing my chakra," Itachi summarised. "It's like mine is just following the flow of yours, but only when you're actively channelling it raw, while we're physically touching. But this sort of attraction makes no sense!"

"Man, that's weird," Kimimaro agreed, staring intently at the black mark as if trying to telekinetically reform the particles back into paper."

"It's probably still your fault, though."

"Oi!"

"YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!" Kimimaro screeched excitedly two hours later, slamming a large book the size of his torso down on the table with a hefty SMACK.

"Somehow I think I'm going to, once I get over the initial shock," Itachi sighed. "Right, what's the short version? Then give me the details."

"Our Spiritual Energies are metaphysically bound. Congrats, we're soulbrothers."

thunk

Itachi's forehead impacted the table. "What in the actual flying flea-bitten fox-fuck?" Came his muffled groan, before he lifted his head, a reddish bruise between his eyebrows. "How?"

The slightly panicky edge to Kimimaro's wide grin brings him back down to earth and full rationality just as the explanation starts.

"Officially, it's called Resonation. Trauma unbalances the stability your mindset, the Spiritual Energy of which you need to generate chakra. If two traumatized people rebuild their mindsets around each other, further contact with each other stabilizes their respective chakras. So they kind of stick to each other, but don't merge? Like two magnets? And there's a bunch of other stuff about it, like-"

"Trauma." Itachi said flatly.

"Uh, yeah."

He took a deep, deep breath. "I understand the theory," he began slowly. "But I was not traumatized when we met, nor have we rebuilt our lives around each other."

"'Tachi, you have no meaningful communication with your family and even less physical and/or emotional affection. That counts as trauma. And now a good portion of your routine, especially to destress, revolves around interacting with me.

And after I got to Konoha and safety, I'd fulfilled the majority of my promise to Juugo and didn't really have a day-to-day purpose; until helping you."

It's exceedingly childish, yes, but Itachi felt that jamming his fingers in his ears was appropriate. "Lalalalalalala, NOT LISTENING!"

"DENIAL IS NOT HEALTHY, DAMMIT!" Kimimaro yelled, shaking the hefty tome at him in a vaguely threatening manner.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF HOW WRONG YOU ARE!"

"DON'T BE SCARED, NII-SAN!"

That makes him unplug his ears. "What?"

Kimimaro sinks back onto a chair, clutching the book to his chest. "I...I care about you Itachi. I want to protect you. And I guess I'm only really using this Resonation thing as an excuse, but...I've never had a brother before. And if this is what it's like...I kind of like it. Sorry, I know you've already got Sasuke, and Shisui, but still...'"

"Soulbrothers, huh?" Itachi murmured quietly, rubbing the bruise on his forehead. "Only you. Only you would find a way to make the power of brotherhood explode things."

"What?"

"I said,...I guess you'll need someone to keep you company while you break reality. That, and I'd rather stand next to you than in your way."

"...I am very conflicted on how to feel about those remarks."

Next Time:

Hammered:

"You really have no idea what you're doing, do you?"

The Letter:

"They like it. They like it!"

As always, read, enjoy, review what you think will happen next.