04.15 Feild of ashes
This is the first time I can't name the burden that has fallen upon me suddenly. I have known the burden of responsibility, that of guilt, that of hate, that of being a liability, that of the vanity of life itself, yet this is what managed to crush me to bits— I never had the chance to handle it.
The numbness from my head carried down my whole body as I lay reclined on the bed. The only sense of physical feeling is the light, continuous sting near the corner of my eyes, and the gut wrenching pain in the place where a heart is supposed to be. I have seen it in movies, where a person with a broken heart says they feel like someone is clutching their heart, kneading it mercilessly, incessantly.
I was a lucky man, to have believed of that as just fiction till now. I wonder if this pain will ever leave my being alone, or will it for eternity, have my heart clasped by a callous hand and slowly; resolute, it will crush my being.