Chapter 2622: Hollywood Rhapsody (45)

Shiller's background story was thus completed.

But Stark didn't know that Shiller also needed to complete his own background story, mainly because he couldn't understand the things beyond the fourth wall. So he didn't know that a character's background story is usually laid out like comic book panels, and naturally, he couldn't perceive Shiller's motives.

However, he could deduce the outcomes. Who was the biggest beneficiary of their time-traveling endeavors?

Stark didn't think such a past held any extra benefits for Shiller. If he truly wanted to change things, why didn't he change his past to one where he lived peacefully until he grew up?

So, in Stark's view, he himself was the biggest beneficiary of these past alterations.

Firstly, the deaths of Howard and Maria were changed to Howard faking his death, with Maria staying by his side, and Howard eventually returning.

Although the final outcome was no different, with Howard and Maria still alive, it was completely different for Stark, the individual concerned. For him, every moment of heartache, depression, and gloom had been spent with his birth mother by his side.

Stark meticulously reviewed the details of the years spent with Maria in his mind. Even those terrible illusions couldn't disturb him. For him, every moment of the last twenty years had been a good time.

Secondly, with Maria present, she had always been in charge of logistics. Although Pepper later joined the company and became Stark's personal assistant, she wasn't as overworked as in the original timeline. She mostly helped Maria out, after all, who could compare to a real mother?

Whenever Stark went mad in the past, it was Pepper who had to coax and cajole him and then clean up his messes. But these tasks came with a natural advantage for Maria – no matter how unruly Stark got, one stern look from Maria and he had no retort.

Not only is the stomach an emotional organ, but so is the female uterus. Pepper's body improved greatly, not being angered so often. She didn't end up with uterine fibroids due to exhaustion, nor did she suffer from weakness and shortness of breath during her pregnancy. Pepper is now much healthier.

Last but not least, Stark felt his mental stability had greatly increased. He knew that with his former mental resilience, the illusions could not have dissipated so quickly.

It had been mentioned before that Stark was not an individual with a stable mental state by nature; he was predisposed to anxiety.

But it had to be said, the death of both parents was also a major turning point in his life. The mental shock from such an event can be said to have added a heavy burden to his already meager mental stability. Carrying this pain for many years had turned into a deep-seated chronic ailment that was irredeemable by medicines.

The loss of both parents was like cutting off all past connections with the world, because those who brought you into this world were no longer there. This was a form of philosophical despair.

But if only the father had died, and the mother was still around, then life would still have a past to reflect on, and it would be possible to pour more emotions into the remaining loved ones, providing a channel for emotional release.

After undergoing such a change, Stark's mental stability had become much stronger than before; even the effects of the anxiety disorder that had long plagued him began to fade gradually. Stark had never felt the world so clear.

All this time, he had been like an athlete moving forward with heavy sacks tied to his body, or perhaps he didn't even know the sacks existed. He thought life was just that heavy and painful.

But suddenly one day, those sacks disappeared; the sensation of being unburdened and uplifted couldn't be compared to the daze and fatigue of medicinally suppressed symptoms.

So Stark was the biggest beneficiary of the whole series of actions, and he considered Shiller's time travel back to the past as the best method for a psychologist to treat anxiety – directly addressing the root of the problem.

Stark actually knew that Shiller wasn't always hovering over him and trying to heal him because they both acknowledged that Stark's condition was incurable; it was a terminal illness.

While it might sound more despairing to hear that a mental illness is terminal compared to physical ones, in fact, such terminal mental conditions are more prolonged and painful and not only torment the patient but the doctor as well.

Cancers and similar diseases, theoretically, are incurable, and doctors are aware of this fact, so they don't carry as much guilt. If someone must be blamed, it could only be God.

But it's not the same with anxiety disorders. People know very little about such diseases and don't recognize their severity or the depths of the suffering they cause.

For a doctor, curing what seems like a minor disease is supposedly part of their duty. If they can't even manage that, wouldn't they seem incompetent?

Many young doctors have this doubt. It doesn't seem like a serious illness, so why can't it be cured despite repeated efforts?

This can lead many doctors into self-doubt and then gradually to an understanding that contradicts common sense – this disease is simply incurable, no matter the level of professional expertise.

For a doctor, this realization is a considerable blow and might even haunt them like an incubus.

Stark was aware of his situation. He knew more than anyone that this was an incurable disease, so he never said to Shiller anything like, "You've taken so much of my medical funds, why can't you handle a case of anxiety?" or even vehemently denied his illness, so as not to burden anyone.

Stark never wanted to be a burden on anyone.

Yet Shiller seemed to always find a way out from a myriad of dead ends. He had found the only cure for this incurable condition.

What made Stark feel even more conflicted was that he knew Shiller disliked resetting timelines. Although it seemed like nothing had changed, with Maria and Howard still alive, it meant that many of Shiller's past efforts had been erased.

For example, bargaining with Death, trying to resurrect Maria and Howard, in the altered timeline, none of these happened – Maria and Howard never died, so there was no need for resurrection.

This could be said to break Shiller's principles and even make some of his previous efforts to prevent a cosmic reset seem somewhat laughable. But humans detest not double standards; what they really detest is not being the object of those double standards.

Once the object of a double standard is oneself, that double standard becomes a willingness to break principles for you, and people will only see it as the luck of their lifetime.

It was the same for Stark; he didn't regard this as an obsession belonging to a doctor—it should be an obsession of a friend.

But thinking of this, Stark felt awkward. Shiller had made so much effort, had reversed his own past, so what would Stark do to repay him?

Of course, it is often said that friends don't need to repay one another, but Stark took that to be nothing but hot air. To him, being in debt to someone was more torturous than death itself.

He simply must think of a way.

Finally back in his bedroom at Arkham Sanatorium, Shiller let out a sigh. Allowing these two turkeys to trouble him was karma!

Ultron couldn't help but ask, "Where is the karma in that?"

While blowing on his scalding coffee, Shiller said, "They don't know my time travel was just to complete the backstory, they surely think it was for their sakes."

"Just you wait, it won't be long before they start trying to repay me in all sorts of ways."

"Is there a problem with that?" Ultron asked again.

"What is there for me to be repaid for?" said Shiller. "Other than a slight discrepancy in the backstory, I'm practically flawless. How can they even repay me?"

After a brief pause, Ultron said, "It seems they've always been attempting to heal you."

"But I can't be healed," Shiller said bluntly. "If they could, Anatoli wouldn't have been so distressed back then, and he was a real tough guy."

After some thought, Shiller said, "I should try to make them understand that it wasn't some uncontrollable force that made me what I am now—I have always molded myself."

"If they keep thinking I have a hard story, they will always be preoccupied with the past, trying to pinpoint the problem that caused me to turn out this way, but that problem doesn't actually exist."

"Anatoli had once tried to do that too. He knew my real past, he too thought that what I had suffered was the root cause of my current state."

"But he quickly realized that wasn't the case. That I went through those things was just bad luck, but even if I weren't so unlucky, I still wouldn't have turned out normal. Throughout my growing up, I never wanted to be normal."

"Why?" asked Ultron.

Showing a nostalgic look, Shiller said, "Back then, I felt ordinary people were just too weak. If I had to exchange my great powers for a normal mental state, I wouldn't be willing. Don't you think that's a loss?"

"So why did you change later?"

"I wanted to be normal purely because I met the Doctor and nurses. They thought being ordinary was better, and I wanted to do it just to meet their expectations."

"Just for that?"

"Not entirely," Shiller contemplated. "The normal life they showed me was really quite nice. I don't know how to describe it, but I felt that exchanging abilities for this kind of lifestyle wasn't so bad, at least it wasn't a complete loss."

"It seems they were indeed quite happy," Ultron commented.

"It's just too ordinary," Shiller said. "Their lives are dull, not happy every day, but they're quite good at enjoying themselves. That drive which allows them to find pleasure in such a bland life is what I really wanted."

"I can't understand," Ultron said. "Sometimes I also think humans are too easily satisfied. I don't know how they comfort themselves, it seems totally irrational."

"Exactly," Shiller nodded empathetically. "The positive emotions they should be getting from their experiences don't match up; where is all that extra happiness coming from? That's what I want to know."

"They're good at pleasing themselves," Ultron remarked. "Sometimes too good, it seems unambitious, or even like self-deception."

"We're just jealous we can't deceive ourselves," Shiller pointed out sharply. "I still have some hope, but for you, it's completely impossible."

"Let's not talk about that, sir, I don't want to turn into Jarvis," Ultron huffed and then said, "Besides, if I were to indulge every day, what would you do?"

"I don't have to..."

"Then let's settle the charges for the technological consulting during these time travels first."

"I think you're quite good as you are."