A Contradiction

"Reminding me how little I'm worth to me,"

I don't wanna die. I don't want to die. I never wanted to die.

The little shred of humanity left in me wanted to tremble and flee. Left alone and forgotten where I cannot be hurt. Where I cannot hurt anyone. Although... want is a feeling proven to not be a necessity in my mind.

Humans want many things, gold, power, immortality, desire for what mere mortals can never acquire is ingrained into humanity's very nature. Maybe that's the only remains of the humanity I hold yet my heart lies empty. The shivering, continuing on. My body stopped obeying my commands as I step closer to the dreaded source of my heavy chest.

An annoying feeling really. So maybe Shin's right. Get rid of it, get rid of it all. I'll get rid of the feeling. Either by getting rid of them or getting rid of me. It doesn't matter.

Kicking the door open, I see the glowing waterfall, illuminated by the natural light coming from the transparent ceiling of the garden. Such a disturbingly peacefully sight from behind the waterfall. Aurelius had left us with the aggressive flowing water, locking us inside.

No... locking isn't the right word. A mild inconvenience is all water will ever be.

"Freeze," I whispered as fog seeped out of my breath. The air cooled as icicles grew, crawling up the waterfall until finally, everything was frozen. Even the moisture in the air gathered to appear as light snow as the candles that lit up the room blew out. The room became dark. The room became colder than ever before.

As I watched the odd beauty of the spell, the spikes of chilling cold ran down my spine. Every little movement gave a burning sensation as if I was touching dry ice in the air yet I welcomed the sensation with a smile, greeting an old friend.

It was nowhere near pleasant. I was nowhere near used to it, but it was a pain I knew the source of. It was temporary pain that overwhelms my senses, letting my core feel something that wasn't fear.

My body quivered. My legs struggle to stand, but my expression remained calm, unlike in the past. At this moment, I have nothing to lose but my life. I never considered it before. I can finally repent for my sins. They'll be so happy when I die. Everyone...

The names of the people I've slaughtered can still be recounted from memory as I look listlessly into the frozen water, my every breath fogging up against the air.

"I'm glad I could see someone I can hate again," Shin snapped his fingers to reveal a blue transmutation circle, hovering over his hand as it glowed brighter than any sun.

The oddly comforting blue flames appeared in front of me.

"It's not warm, but if it could light up the twisting shapes of the cave, a mere hallway shouldn't be a problem," Shin spoke, avoiding my eyes as he noticed he was using the flame of another's.

A sight I've almost forgotten. I sight I yearned to see again as the image of Hiroto's face covered Shin's and a single tear froze the moment it exited my eyes.

Damn it all.

Can't I be unwavering in peace without you always taunting me? You're not even here.

"Let's go. Before I start questioning myself," I broke through the ice, fracturing the entire structure the waterfall had made in my weight. The amount of power I used in the punch was unnecessarily high, but I couldn't stand the fire for long as I walked into the natural sunlight.

Shin blew away the small light blue flame as fog, no smoke, hovered the palace, covering the light of the sun and a scent of something burning blew inside the garden.

Such a shame this will burn down...

A beautiful piece of architecture. Burnt into the ground. Too bad...

"A-Alfie... Alfie's still there! People might be dying there!" In his panic, he grabbed me the rushed into the main banquet. Although I am concerned, I have a strange feeling that Alfie will be just fine and there was something else I was missing.

"Alfie will be fine. There's not that much of a need to panic. Other people dying is none of our concern." I pulled my hand away from his grip.

"We're supposed to be fricking heroes! Are you telling me you can just throw away all those lives when you know god damn well you could save them?!" Shin shouted with rage, not noticing the hypocrisy in his words.

"You're supposed to be a hero, not me!" I backed away a little, "Didn't you want me to be the bad guy? Weren't you the one who demanded I be the person that we can hate in peace?"

"Then prove me wrong! Of course, I'd hate you! You sold us out! You killed our friends! You're a damn monster!" He threw his hands back, "But... for a moment, you almost looked human when you cried out for someone to stay with you. So what are you even supposed to be? You're just a contradiction. One moment I could see the person that sold us out, the other I see a pitiful person trying to pick up the pieces of a puzzle that can never be complete. So who are you? What am I supposed to see? Who am I supposed to see?"