Phoenix Tears

"Linx?" It was dark out, nightly bugs sang a chorus only he and they could hear. Linx turned around to find Maddox coming and taking a seat next to him in the grass a short distance from the house. "You okay? You've been...quiet and distant today. Except with Kiy. Which is a good thing. But you've had this look about you. And you've been sitting out here for hours."

Linx blinked and gazed out into the darkness. He didn't speak right away and Maddox gave him room to think. "I've been getting Kiy to open up about what happened to him. There's so much he never told me, Sam. So much he's always kept to himself. So much he's never let me see before. Do...do you remember when we were kids and we were on the training field...when that one colonel came to watch us and oversee our development?"

Maddox nodded. "How could I forget? It was the first time I ever saw you angry. It was the first time I had seen Kiy cry."

They had all just engaged in hand-to-hand combat, each displaying their triumphs as well as weaknesses that needed to be worked out. What areas they needed to train harder in.

Now they were all standing side by side, each squad line making up a platoon the size of any great army. Everyone stood at attention as this colonel inspected them, walking slowly. He was an adult, therefore much higher in authority than any child of equal rank. He stalked by each of them with a look of hidden approval at what he had seen in their growing combat skills. His face was stern. Spine straight and he carried a stick made of some alloy with a thick scrap of leather bent in half at the end, fastened tightly so as to not come apart.

When he approached Linx's group Linx heard the smallest intake of breath that carried with it the sound of pure terror. Linx glanced down to his left and the images that filled his mind shot him with such a rage as he had never felt. Kiy's terror equaled that of Linx's rage at the sight of this particular person. And as the man smiled an evil sneer, he reached out toward the boy. In a moment of pure instinct to protect, Linx had the man on the ground, his hands clasped tightly around the man's throat. Before Linx could damage him further, he was ripped off by hard, gripping hands. Kiy gripped onto Maddox, his small face buried in Maddox's side. He wasn't crying but Maddox felt him shaking. Zim, taking Linx's lead, put his other teammates behind him, ready to protect. To kill. Zim and the others watched as the guards dragged Linx away, his limp body no longer putting up a fight. None of them knew when they would see him again.

They were confined to their quarters until further notice. Three days later they finally brought back Linx, beaten and battered. Bruises covered his face and body in a morbid paint by numbers and the guards dumped him unceremoniously to the floor. They said nothing and with that, they were left alone.

"Kiy didn't say anything most of the time you were gone. He screamed and cried and panicked. He bunked with me. He was distraught. We were all kids...but he was still such a baby...barely seven...and even with all his knowledge and capabilities, he depended so much on you." Maddox looked over at her friend, his eyes hidden in the shadows. The moonlight kissed his cheeks sending off reflections of slowly falling moisture. Maddox didn't comment on it.

"He had hurt him so badly, Sam. So much came rushing at me in that split second. And then he was reaching for him. I would have killed him had they not hit me in the head and dragged me off." Linx partly smiled. "Still though...no one tried touching him again. Not until they took him on that planet."

Maddox contemplated inquiring further, hesitated, then shrugged as her decision was made. "What happened to him, Linx?" Linx shook his head slightly as he continued to stare out into the night. "Look...I know you want to protect Kiy. We all want to protect Kiy. But you're just as much family as he is and our need to protect you is just as strong. I know you don't want to break confidence between you, but you don't have to hold onto it all on your own. It's okay if you confide in me as much as it's okay when Kiy confides in you."

Linx was silent for a moment as he thought about her words. Maddox let the silence build as she allowed him to come to terms with the truth of what she said. "Before he came to us...the male caregiver forced mating rituals on him. That colonel from that day was also allowed to force Kiy into mating with him. The female beat him." He paused. "When he was taken on that planet..." He paused again as his throat thickened. "The leader made him drink something...it...made him see me...instead of the leader...and while it wasn't me, it was...and the leader...forced him...Kiy told me that...I mean, he knew it wasn't me...but at the same time...he smelled me...he even said the callouses on my hands were the same...felt the same...it was my voice...that's why he was so scared of me. He didn't know if it was really me...or if it was really him."

Maddox nodded. "Shit." She looked at her friend and CO and for the first time saw him lost.

"Yeah. And now he's a child again...and I am getting him talking about things...but it's eating me alive." Linx wiped his face, grateful for the dark. "And I'm so scared that I won't get him back. If I have to raise him, I will, you know? If he remains in this state. But I miss him so much."

"You're not alone, Linx. We're all in this together. I know it's different between you...but you're not alone in the task. Nor in the grief." She set her hand along the taut muscles in his back and he nodded. "I'll let you be. But we're worried about you."

"Thank you, Sam."

Linx opened the door as quietly as he could so as to not wake Kiy. He almost grimaced when he heard a small calling of his name. "Yes, little one. It's just me." The boy let out a shaky breath. "You okay?" Linx pulled aside the hide that covered the window, allowing just enough light for Kiy to see he was who he said he was.

"Bad dreams," the boy answered. "I was scared."

"Are you still?" Linx lay on top of the covers gazing lightly at the small, round face.

"A little. But it doesn't last as long now." He smiled.

Linx smiled too. "That's good, little one. That's really good." The pang in the heart hit him strong and fast and Linx had to stifle a groan from its suddenness. He felt the pain ripple down his spine and continue into his toes. He could swear his heart was breaking and breaking still as Kiy's expression completely altered.

"Why are you so sad, Linx?" Kiy touched his chest, feeling the hard and quickened thump thump thump as his heart pounded behind his ribcage.

Linx felt his lungs constrict slightly and he struggled to take a breath. "It happens sometimes, little one." He looked at the boy and smiled lightly. "Try and go back to sleep, okay?"

"It's because you miss your friend, huh?" Kiy sat up, his fingers lightly playing with the fabric of Linx's shirt that rested above his heart. Linx wondered if he kept his hands there to better feel his emotions. He knew that Kiy, whenever they had ever talked about something that Linx was upset about, typically kept physical contact. Be it holding hands, an arm around him. Kiy had said once physical contact helps to both feel his emotions but also allowed a stronger enabling for Kiy to calm him down. When they were younger Kiy had told him that he "pushed" the calm into him through the contact. Linx didn't quite understand what he meant by that at first, until one day he felt the calm being pushed into him when he was particularly upset about something. He felt it now, beginning at where Kiy's hands were centered along his chest and slowly spreading through him. He felt his breathing ease, his heart slow.

"Yes." He didn't want to talk about this.

"What happened to him?" The small face looked curious, his head slightly angled to the side.

Linx turned his eyes to the child; staring at a face he once knew so well. The face of a child. That child. Watching him grow into a man. Into his mate. "I honestly don't know." And that was the truth. He didn't know exactly what happened. "He just...disappeared."

"You feel guilty."

Linx closed his eyes. That tight feeling was back. "Yes." He didn't want to talk about this.

"But...there's something else...another guilt for something that happened before." Kiy looked at him. His expression different. It was Kiy. But not the child. "It wasn't your fault, warrior." His voice. Linx couldn't breathe. Warrior.

"Kiy?" It was whispered on an exhale of disbelief.

"What? Are you okay, Linx?" The boy broke contact and frowned.

"No, little one. I really don't think I am." Linx sat up, scrubbing his hands over his face and through his hair. The moment was gone so quickly, he didn't fully comprehend if it was real or just some cruel trick of his mind.

"Linx...what was your friend's name?" There was more than childish curiosity behind the inquiry.

"His name was Kiy." He choked speaking of him in the past tense.

"Oh. Like my name." The boy studied him a moment. "Is that why you don't ever call me by name?" Linx looked at him slightly confused. "You mostly call me 'little one' or another pet name."

Linx nodded. "Yes." He blinked as Kiy made contact with him again. "Please go back to sleep, little one."

Kiy cocked his head to the side before slowly nodding and laid down. Linx too fell onto his back, feeling muscles stretch and unclench as he began to relax into the bedding. The boy curled up next to Linx, his arm winding around Linx's middle, a small head with long hair resting on his shoulder. Linx thought back to the years previous. When they were on their own and free from the CTC and the compound. Their travels across the galaxy and explorations of different planets along the way. And how when night fell, Kiy would always curl up next to him in exactly this same manner. Linx wrapped his arm around the smaller back, his large hand resting on little bones as his ribcage rose and fell with each breath. When it was clear the boy was once again in a state of recharge, his nightmares far from his dreams, Linx slipped from the bed with a heavy heart.

He walked through the small front room and back out into the dark. He walked a distance from the house to make sure he was out of hearing distance before dropping to his knees. He doubled forward, his hands covering his face as he tried to even out his breathing even as tears leaked from between closed fingers. The momentary flash of the adult Kiy, the look in his eyes...warrior...it was only a name Kiy had ever called him in private. And even that was few and far between in his most vulnerable and emotionally weakened states. The first time Kiy had called him that, Kiy had been fourteen. Linx had been seventeen.

Linx lay awake, the need for recharging low as the others slumbered in their bunks. Small sounds began to drift up from the bunk underneath him. Kiy wasn't taking too well to the latest batch of training. At least after hours. During the training, no one could tell there was any difference. Except for Linx. More than anyone else Linx could see through Kiy's eyes and into his past. The psychological torture they endured during these training sessions came through after lights out, once everyone began recharging. Their training was becoming more intense. They knew the war would start soon.

Linx landed silently next to Kiy's bunk. "Kiy. Wake up." Linx touched his shoulder and gently shook it. Kiy awoke with a start. "It's just me." Linx pulled his hand away as Kiy sat up before coming to sit next to him. Kiy leaned into him bodily and Linx wrapped his arms tightly around him. Linx felt him shaking in his hold. "They can't hurt you anymore, Kiy." Without warning Linx's mind went blank but of his own thoughts. "Kiy..."

Kiy shook his head. "You can't see. You can't see."

"Kiy," he tried again without success.

"You can't see, Linx. You can't see." His voice was muffled but his tone held unmistakable panic.

"Breathe, Kiy. I won't see." Kiy relaxed a degree as he concentrated on breathing. "I'm sorry. But you know no matter what I see, Kiy, I'll always fight for you. I'll always keep you safe. I won't let anyone hurt you."

"My private warrior." They both laughed softly. "Don't leave me tonight, Linx."

"I'm right here." Linx kissed the top of his head and as Kiy fell asleep, guarded his dreams.

When he returned the boy was still sleeping soundly, his dreams of childish things that for the moment stayed on the lighter side. He watched him sleep. Listened to his deep breathing. He smiled when the boy curled himself against him, trapping a fist full of his shirt in the smallest hand. He ran large, work-roughed fingers over smooth, youthful knuckles. The action caused the boy to smile in his sleep. The lightest tugging at the lips.

The morning came early and the four of them with it. The suns met them outside as it broke over the trees. "You remember where I told you to go?"

Maddox nodded. "Yes, sir." She looked at Kiy and knelt down. "Don't look so upset, Kiy. We'll be back before too long."

Kiy looked between Zim and Maddox, his eyes watery and cheeks wet. "Please don't go."

"Kiy," Zim said, "it'll be okay."

"How do you know? What if you disappear too?" He was clearly and visibly upset.

Zim and Maddox both looked at Linx, unsure how to answer. "Kiy, it won't be the same as when, uh, my friend went missing. I promise."

Kiy turned his red face up to Linx. "How do you know? That's when it happened, isn't it? When you found me is when he disappeared. That's why you're so sad. And sadder when you look at me." Linx felt his heart twist as Kiy once again looked to Zim and Maddox. "Don't leave, please. Please don't go."

"Kiy, come here," Zim said kneeling. Kiy rushed into his arms and Zim stood with ease. "Breathe, little man, breathe. It'll be okay. We have insights we didn't have before when Linx and...Kiy went. We have an idea of how it happened and won't do things quite the same way."

"Why don't you want me to stay?" He looked between the three of them, his eyes landing on Linx with pained accusation as he slid from Zim's hold. "Any of you? Why don't you want me?"

"Kiy," Maddox began but Kiy had already turned and began running the other direction, away from them, away from the house.

"Kiy!" Linx shouted. "You two go. I'll take care of him. Be safe, you two." And then he turned to chase after the wayward boy. When Linx reached the other side of the house, along where he last saw sight of Kiy, he stopped. He saw no movement. He heard nothing but this world's flying animals and their songs. "Kiy?" he called out, his eyes searching. He saw no traces of the boy. He looked around, his heart beginning to pound in nervous anxiety. He took a deep breath. "Okay, think," he said to himself. "There are no trails from him running through the tall grass. So he didn't go that way." He closed his eyes and concentrated before opening them with a huff. Kiy had closed his mind to him. He listened harder. There.

He walked around to the side of the woodpile and breathed a sigh of relief. He knelt next to the sobbing child. "Kiy, baby, hey..." Linx lifted him willingly into his arms and held him close. "What's all this about, huh?" Kiy cried harder but didn't answer. Linx stood there a moment longer before making his way around and inside the cabin. When seated, Kiy in his lap, he softly pushed the boy back to look into his eyes. "What's all this about, Kiy?" Kiy sat silently, tears still rushing from his reddened eyes. "Talk to me, Kiy. What's got you so worked up?" Linx brushed away the fallen tears from the boy's cheeks.

"Why don't you want me anymore?" The question was broken with his sniffles and sobs and there was a sad accusation in his sorrowful eyes.

"What are you talking about? Why do you think that?" Linx combed his fingers through Kiy's soft strands, brushing it back from his face.

Kiy bit his bottom lip. "Because."

Linx tried not to smile at the answer, knowing that would only make things worse. "Because why, mo croí?"

"Because if you find your friend, you will send me back. And you promised you wouldn't let them hurt me anymore. I don't wanna go back, Linx. Don't make me go." Kiy dropped his head on Linx's shoulder, his tiny fists latched onto the front of Linx's shirt. Linx wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close.

"Sh. Sh. Easy, Kiy. Breathe, baby. No one is sending you anywhere. Even if we found him, that wouldn't make you any less welcome here. It wouldn't negate my promise to you." Linx's hand traveled soothingly up and down Kiy's back, his palm flat and fingers splayed. "Breathe, little one. Breathe. Take a deep breath for me." Linx took a deep breath hoping the child would follow suit. He did. "Good. One more." Finally, after about four "one more" commands, Kiy began to calm. "There you go. Good boy. Just breathe." Linx took a deep breath of his own to calm his own emotions.

"Kiy, baby, listen to me, okay?" Kiy nodded. "You are home with us. No matter where we go or who else might come along later. We're not sending you back anywhere. Especially not back to those people.

"Kiy was our friend and teammate. And he was...very, very special to me. And because of that, we need to see if we can try to find out what happened to him. But that doesn't have anything to do with you. It won't make us want you here any less than we do right now. Do you understand?" Linx spoke so softly it made Kiy's eyes water again.

"Do you love me, Linx?" Linx heard the fear laced within the query.

"Yes, little one. I do love you." Linx pushed the boy back again to look into his eyes. "I love you very much."

"I love you, too. I'm sorry I make you so sad. I don't mean to." Kiy's eyes pooled at this confession.

"Kiy...you don't make me sad. What's happened to you makes me sad. Missing my friend makes me sad. Not knowing if he's hurt somewhere. Not knowing how to help him because I don't know where he is...that makes me sad.

"But you don't make me sad. You...you make my day worth getting out of bed. You make me smile, even when I don't want to. You keep me company and it makes me feel not so alone without him." Linx smiled tightly. "You kind of remind me of him when he was your age."

"Really? I mean...I really don't make you sad?" His look was intense.

"Really, Kiy." Kiy hugged him tightly, his little body shaking from fear and exertion.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, little one." Linx took a steadying breath as Kiy sat back up and wiped his face.

"Can I ask you something?" Kiy asked him with a curious frown that accompanied a sad look.

"Anything."

"You said I reminded you of Kiy when he was my age." Linx nodded. "How? And you knew him all the way back then? Were you my age, too?"

"I'm three years older than Kiy. He just turned eight. I was eleven. Maddox and Zim were ten. We were teamed up then. And you remind me of him because he was scared a lot. Of strangers. Of certain people in particular. His caregivers, for one." The boy's head snapped up, both fear and understanding glittering in his eyes.

"You said 'teamed up'. What does that mean...exactly?" Kiy's fear was of a different kind now.

"Kiy...we are from the same place you are. Only you came here before you went to CTC." The boy began to panic. "Kiy, listen to me. Listen, we're not here to send you back. We're not here to send you back. We escaped that place. We're from there, but we haven't been a part of it for a long time. Look at me." Slowly Kiy pulled his head up and looked him in the eye. "Feel that I'm telling you the truth. Look me in the eye and know it." Kiy did look. He looked hard and used all his power to feel for that truth. Within it, he found sorrow for what had happened to them all at that place. He found the love for his team, his family. For him. He felt the excitement to finally escape, and many more that he couldn't lay ground to. But he also felt guilt. And it halted him.

"Why do you feel guilty?"

Linx took a breath. "A long time ago I promised Kiy that I wouldn't let anyone hurt him like he had been hurt before."

"With his caregivers?" Kiy asked.

Linx nodded. "When we were at the planet before this one...a group...I don't know who or what they were and I don't care...but they ambushed us. And they took him. They had him for months...and they hurt him." Linx swallowed as Kiy put a hand over his heart. He continued, "And I let him down. I broke the first promise I made to him. We hadn't really been able to deal with what happened by the time we arrived here. And now he's gone...again..." He stopped talking.

"It isn't your fault, warrior," Kiy said. Like before it was the adult Kiy speaking, it was him looking at him through a child's gaze.

Linx's comm buzzed to life and the moment was broken. "Colonel, you copy?"

"Zim. Did you make it?"

"Yes, sir. We found the bush you described and now we're in front of the mouth of the cave. We don't know how far in we'll have radio signal given how long you were out of communication. Check back in, in two hours, sir."

"Affirmative. Be safe, you two."

Zim followed Maddox into the cave, watching their six as she took point. Nothing followed them in and nothing appeared in front but more twists and turns. Maddox stopped turning to face Zim. "You can remember how to get us out of here right?"

Zim smiled. "You doubt me?"

Maddox blinked. "No. Have I ever?" Zim smiled and motioned for her to continue and Maddox sighed knowingly, not trying to hide the small grin that appeared as she turned and began walking. They walked for some time before they found a large cavern. It was full of what could only be a lost culture's buried history. Statues, books, artifacts.

"Do you see the statue he was talking about?" Zim asked looking around.

"He said it was off to the left..." She began walking that way, Zim following close behind her. "There. Does it say anything? Any inscriptions?"

Zim looked around the statue of the bare-breasted woman. "Do you know who this is supposed to represent?"

"Not my area. Maybe we can find something in one of these books." Zim followed her gaze to their feet.

"Were those there a moment ago?" He frowned.

"Yes." She knelt and picked up a book from the bottom of the small stack.

"Why the bottom?" Zim asked as he chose one from the top.

Maddox smiled indulgently as she opened the book. "Because the bottom ones usually have the answer. 'Goddess of Lost Children'" she began to read out loud. "The lost children will be drawn to her fruit, which they will eat and be once again transformed to the age in which the child was truly lost. Those that are among the now-child must right the wrongs before expiration. The appointed one of the now-child must calm their darkest fears or they will be no more.' That's all it says."

"We have to get this information back to Linx. Leave that." Maddox set the book down and together they left as they entered. As soon as they reached the outside of the cave their comms came alive. "Maddox. Zim. Do you read? Where the hell--"

"Colonel, is everything okay?" They hurried their steps.

"Fine here. Where have you been? You said two hours! It's been double that!"

"What?" Zim looked at his watch. But then he noticed the sky. The suns were only hours away from setting. "Colonel, I don't understand, sir. My watch reads we were in there less than an hour."

"Mine, too, Linx." Zim looked at her, but she ignored it. He hated that she dropped the military protocol while out in the field.

"Alright, report back."

Linx smiled at Kiy. "They're fine." He wiped his face. "They'll be back soon."

He had eventually gotten the boy calmed, his eyes slipping closed as the need to recharge overcame him. Linx had also fallen asleep, nestled as he was with the child. When Kiy woke him up he was near tears, realizing how much time had passed with no sign of Maddox and Zim returning. Linx woke to the sounds of his panic. To Linx's all-time gratefulness, they had answered on his second attempt.

"Are you sure?" He still looked worried.

"I'm sure. You heard them both on the comm. They'll be here in a bit." Kiy leaned forward, his head resting gently against Linx's chest. "Kiy, my love, what's the matter? Why are you so upset?" The boy didn't answer, choosing instead to curl further into him as if he were trying to fuse himself to Linx's larger frame. Linx wrapped him up with his arms as well as with a blanket that had been standard issue. "Kiy, come on. Talk to me." He didn't want to invade the boy's mind, preferring to get him to talk about it. "What's going on?"

"I'm scared. I'm scared, okay." Kiy didn't sit up as he spoke, clinging to him further, trying to press himself closer against Linx.

"Kiy. Kiy, settle down. Hey. Look at me." He did. Linx held the boy's cheeks between his hands. "Why are you so scared?" Linx wiped hair and tears from the boy's face. He didn't answer, simply stared at him with wide eyes, biting his lower lip. He took shaky breaths but still didn't answer. "Please. What is it?"

"I can't tell you." He put his head in his hands, the top of his head pressed against Linx's chest. "You can't see. You can't see, you'll leave me."

He remembered Kiy saying that so many times over the years that it pulled at his heartstrings now. "I won't leave you for anything." He turned his face into the boy's shoulder, kissing his cheek softly. "Kiy," he said.

"Yes, you will. You will if you know."

"Little one, nothing will make me leave you. I would die protecting you. I know you know that."

"I'm almost eight," he waited as if this explains everything Linx needed to know.

Linx frowned. "Why does that make you so scared?"

"Because...my caretaker told me that when I turned eight and I was teamed up with my group...he said it was a rule that the leader had to mate with the youngest. And I'm scared that that's true."

"But you're here. You're not at CTC anymore," Linx reasoned. Then it dawned on him. Everything that didn't make sense the whole time they were together. The reason why he appeared when Kiy was given that drink while in the custody of his alien captors. "Oh, Kiy...oh, Kiy, please tell me you don't think that." Linx couldn't help the tears that immediately gathered before he could protest it.

Kiy plastered himself against Linx's chest, his cries are silent but heavy. "Don't leave me, Linx. Please, don't leave me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Linx. Please don't send me back." Linx rocked him, his arms secure around him.

"Sh. Sh. Kiy, little one, breathe. You're not going anywhere. Not now. Not when you turn e. You'll always be with me." In some form. "Kiy...please believe me when I say that I'm not going to hurt you. Not now, not ever."

When Maddox and Zim entered the cabin there was food keeping warm over the fire, and a boy kept safe in guarding arms. Linx shook his head indicating they would talk later. The two ate in silence, Maddox glancing between Linx, Kiy, and her plate. She smiled at Kiy when they caught gazes. He didn't return it but sat up and climbed over to where she was seated, curling up in her lap. Slightly surprised at the move she glanced at Linx as she wrapped her arms around the smaller version of her friend and teammate. Zim watched the scene as well, less oblivious about the task than Maddox. He had noticed a lot of differences between the child he once knew and the child that presented himself now. He was clingier. Though Zim supposed in this setting that might be more normal than a military training center. He didn't cry as often back then. At least, he considered, not in front of him and Maddox. But as he looked at Linx he wondered how much was different to him. He knew better than to ask. Linx had shared much with him over the years, as had he in return. They each knew the other would listen, but neither pried for details. They accepted what information they were entrusted with and left it at that, with the occasional offering of advice when the situation called for it. He had a hunch much would come out tonight.

"What did you find out?" Linx asked hours later after the boy had been put down in his bed sound asleep. They stood within hearing distance of the house in case Kiy called.

Maddox spoke first. "Well, we think the cave does something wonky with time dilation on this planet. Time moves much slower inside the cave than outside. Like if you're standing near a black hole." Linx nodded.

"We found the statue," Zim said. There weren't any inscriptions, but we found a book that we believe tells us what we want to know." He looked to Maddox to fill in the blanks.

"The statue," she began, "didn't have an actual name...but the picture showed the statue. And a passage.

'Goddess of Lost Children' The lost children will be drawn to her fruit, which they will eat and be once again transformed to the age in which the child was truly lost. Those are among the now-child must right the wrongs before expiration. The appointed one of the now-child must calm their darkest fears or they will be no more.'"

Linx frowned. "Explain that to me in English, please."

Maddox smiled. "There was something that drew Kiy to that fruit bush and to eat those berries. I bet it has something to do with what happened on that planet. Maybe it woke something up inside him. A lot happened to Kiy before we were all teamed together. But I would assume you are his appointed one...and you have to help him "calm his greatest fears" before it expires. I'm guessing that's the ninety days and nights deadline."

"Did it say what happens after that time period? If we fail? If we succeed?"

Maddox shook her head. "No, sir. At least not in that one book. We weren't sure what would happen if we took anything from the cave...but if you want us to go back..." She left the sentence open.

"Not taking anything was probably the better idea. We don't want to cause any undue attention if someone or something is watching from somewhere. Maybe you can go back in a couple of days. See what else you can find out. One of you come outside the cave and report back to me once an hour according to your watches."

"Until then?" Zim asked.

"We're getting low on supplies. We need to sharpen the spears. Make some new ones. Make more arrows, both dull and sharp. We need to gather more fish and land animals. Chop more wood. We don't know how long winter is on this planet, and if it's lengthy, I want to make sure we don't starve before it's over. Or freeze for that matter. We haven't needed it yet, but I'm sure there's a reason for the extra fireplace. We need to have as much wood as we can gather as well."

They both nodded in agreement. "Then we go back?" Maddox asked.

Linx nodded. "Then you go back. I will handle making the weapons. I'll have Kiy help me. You two worry about hunting and gathering. I'll do the rest."

"Linx..." Zim began hesitantly. He looked to Maddox before continuing. "Do you know what his darkest fear is? Do you think we can fix this?"

Linx sighed. He had a responsibility to keep them updated. "I think so. But I'm not sure yet. I don't want to speak too soon. When I have it confirmed, I'll let you know." He turned and walked away from them, unable to confess to them right then his suspicions. When he opened the front door he found Kiy standing center in the main room, looking terrified and lost. His head swiveled to the right when he heard the door open. "Kiy, what," was all he could get out.

"Linx!" Then the boy was running full force and leaping into his arms. "Where did you go?"

Linx rocked him. "We were just right outside. We were talking and didn't want to wake you up. But we would have heard if you yelled for us." Kiy buried his wet face against Linx's neck.

"I was scared to yell," came the soft whisper.

"How come?" Linx inquired.

"What if you didn't answer me back?"

Zim and Maddox watched Linx walk away. Maddox turned to follow him, but Zim stopped her with a hand to her arm. "Do you think he is keeping something to himself?"

Maddox glanced back where Linx had walked toward before looking back to Zim. "I think he's got a lot to sort through in his head. But I think he has some kind of clue he's not ready to share yet."

"This worries me, Sam," Zim told her softly. "This whole thing worries me."

She nodded in agreement. "Me too. He is right about gathering supplies for the winter. It'll be here soon. We'll want to be prepared. We need to recharge and be ready. Long days ahead of us."

Linx had taken Kiy to their bunk room, the boy clinging desperately to him. "Kiy, can I ask you something?" He nodded. "I want you to answer truthfully. You won't get in trouble for any answer. Can you do that?" Kiy nodded again, though hesitantly. "I promise, little one. It isn't a trick question."

Kiy nodded and looked him in the eye. "Okay, Linx. I promise."

"Why are you so afraid I'm going to leave you?" Linx sat on the edge of the bedding, Kiy propped securely in his lap. Kiy looked away, tears refreshed upon his cheeks.

"Because..." He paused and looked up at him, his eyes blurring and clearing in rapid succession. "Because I love you. And because you said you love me."

Linx frowned. "I don't understand

"They always told me no one would love me. And if they did, they would leave me once they knew." He looked at him. "You know some, but not all. Not the worst of it. And that's what I'm scared to tell you." Suddenly he changed. His voice, the look in his eyes. "It's what I've always been afraid to tell you. I've always been afraid you would leave me if you knew."

"Kiy?" Linx knew the moment the spell was broken.

"Yes, Linx?" The boy's voice was subdued.

"Think about something for me." He put the boy's hand to his chest. Kiy concentrated on the beating heart. "No matter what happened to you, it won't change anything. I love you. And I won't love you less. I hope that I can gain your trust enough for you to know that right here." He placed his larger hand over the boy's heart. "Real love is loving no matter what. No matter what scars we may carry."

"What if what they said is true?"

Linx thumbed away tears from his face with a small, sad smile. "People lie to gain control, little one. Of situations. Of other people. If they kept you scared, you're easier to control. Understand?

"I'm not here to scare or control you. All I want is to protect you. Make you happy. That's what Maddox and Zim want, too." Kiy didn't speak but leaned into Linx's chest. He reveled in the safety he felt in being held. Any other time he was held down; terror pouring out of him like spilled water. He was scared now, but a different fear than the ones he had grown so accustomed.

He knew Linx and Zim would never hurt him like they had hurt him. He knew Maddox would never hit him and within this knowledge, he was beginning to feel safe with them. The fear he experienced now was different, but nonetheless as real. He was scared that it would all end. That if they knew it would all fall away from him, slip through his fingers like sand crystals.

Linx could feel Kiy getting heavier as sleep began to pull at the corners of his subconscious. Linx had a feeling that he would have to be patient while terrified he was going to run out of time and lose him forever. He sat there for a long time holding the boy, petting his hair gently and placing sporadic kisses atop of his head. Many times since the year of their escape from the CTC had Kiy had fallen asleep resting against his chest after expending his energy on tears. Linx had, over the years, attempted to get Kiy to tell him about the nightmares. To explain why he would wake up in a cold sweat with tears already rushing down his face. Kiy kept the reason blocked from him and always became distraught when he would inquire too frequently. Eventually, Linx would only whisper it as he held him. A broken please tell me what's wrong. The plea made Kiy further upset, his shoulders always shaking a bit harder at the pain in Linx's voice.

He knew he needed a different approach this time around. He would have to think fast. He couldn't lose them both. He didn't know if he would ever see his mate again. The way he was before. But if he didn't...he knew he needed this child. He couldn't survive without some part of Kiy at his side. Even if the love is vastly different, it was Kiy. And Kiy was all he ever really needed.