Gone

🦉

I woke up in a small dark room, my head throbbing violently, like a million soldiers were having a contest in my skull over who could pound drums the loudest. I tried to sit up but that only made the soldiers more enthusiastic, so with a groan, I put my head back down. Looking up at the low familiar ceiling, I realized what had happened.

"Oh, you're awake." Wise's voice sounded sleepy—so much so that I could have told him the same thing.

"H-how many did I actually manage?"

"A couple I guess."

"Ugh." Sometimes Wise was useless. How was I supposed to know if I'd healed more people than the last time if he didn't know the number? I closed my eyes, trying unsuccessfully to ignore the headache. This wasn't the first time I'd passed out during healing and had to be carried back to the Bunker. A small, thick walled metal room hidden by bushes and small trees that was just outside of one of the entrance tunnels to the Burrows. It had one narrow door, no windows, and an outhouse a couple of metres away. Wise found the Bunker a few weeks before finding me and on the condition that I helped him clean it up, I could live there too. I smiled at the memory of how angry I was when it finally dawned on me that I was practically doing all the work.

"You did better than last time. Just so you know."

"Huh?" I'd been so caught up remembering that I didn't realize Wise was talking to me. He sighed.

"I said that you did better than before. I know how you're always fussing about stuff like that. Naiad got fed up and stormed out half way through. Still hasn't gotten over it I guess. "

The room was filled with a quiet broken only by crickets chirping. The important thing was that I healed more people and got back at Naiad in one swoop. I smiled at myself. Not bad.

"You better get some sleep. You'll be no use to anyone tomorrow if you smile the night away. " It didn't surprise me that Wise knew even though it was pitch black.

"Yeah yeah yeah whatever. Lemme enjoy my victory a little. "

"Victory? Is that what you call passing out mid-heal?"

"It is when my arch nemesis wasn't there to see it. "

"Arch nemesis." He repeated. "Is that what she is to you? A bit much, don't you think?"

Maybe it was a bit much but I wasn't the one that started it, and if Naiad was determined to dislike me so much then there wasn't much to be done about it. The Bunker was quiet for a couple of minutes before I spoke again. "Hey, Wise?"

"Yeah?"

"You ever wish you had a Cru-"

"Let's not talk about that. "

"Bu-"

"Just drop it." Even though he said it with a sigh, I could still feel the tension in his voice. "Get some rest."

"O-okay." He still didn't want to talk about it. Even after over four years, he still didn't want to discuss anything related to his not having a Crux. At first I thought it was just Wise's way of generally avoiding questions but then I realized that it was deeper than that. I'd tried to bring it up again and again to maybe help him get over it but I'm always shut down. Does he feel that bad about not having a Crux? Or is it something else?

Maybe I'd try and bring it up again tomorrow since there wasn't any point in doing so now.I closed my eyes and before I knew it, I was asleep.

* * * *

Wise had already left by the time I woke up again. He left a couple of coins on the table with a note that said to buy some bread from Baker and head straight to the Burrows. He'd meet me there later or back here. Guess he figured I wouldn't be much help begging if I was worried about injured kids. I washed my face with the water in the basin that was I'm the corner of the room and combed my hair as best as I could. Since I wasn't going out begging, there was no need looking like a complete street kid. I changed out of my once yellow dress and leggings and put on some jeans and a blue T-shirt. My hand paused over the pocket where the pennies were. Good luck huh? I guess that couldn't hurt. I fished them out of the pocket and put them in my jeans, one in each front pocket.

I grabbed the coins Wise left behind and walked out, shutting the Bunker door behind me and locking the door. I hid the key under the rock we always kept it and headed to Baker's bread stall. A tall, stout, middle aged man with a balding head, tan skin, and a smile on his face most days. Baker was humming one of his usual tunes when I got there and I listened for a while, waiting for him to finish selling to those that got there before I did, then bought a couple of small rolls. As he collected the coins, I noticed that Baker had a gash on his right arm that he'd crudely wrapped with some dirty bandages.

"Eye was dahn tahn when it happened. " He said with a growl. I couldn't really be sure where his accent was from but it definitely wasn't Irrian. Wise guessed that it was probably coastal Sogal but Amber said while she wasn't completely certain, it sounded more like a mid lateral Aju or somewhere around there. Eventually one of us had asked and discovered (much to no one's surprise) that Amber had been right. Everyone knew Baker, the only bread merchant in Irre who bothered to sell fairly to street kids like us, because he was once a Rabbit too. "Eye waz buyin' sahm flour when err thin' began ter shake. Next thing' eye knew eye waz hit by onna em carts. Eye didn drop mah flour o course bah it still hurt. "

It was a pretty serious situation but I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips at his accent and animated explanation. But even Baker got injured during yesterday's quake so much so that it's a wonder I didn't get hurt. "Let me take a look at it. Maybe I can help."

"Nah." He said, waving me away. "Eye can manage. Dere are rabbits who need it moore." Baker pronounced the word rabbits like there was an "h" between the a and first b. He tipped his baker's hat at me and turned to attend to another customer.

"Are you sure? It would only take a second."

"'Re yer still herre?"

"Fine. Fine." I said, walking away smiling.

I opened the bag of rolls and my smile spread. Baker had snuck in a few extra rolls here. I turned back to look at his stall and was a bit surprised to see that he was looking at me. He smiled and tipped his hat at me again. I nodded back. A silent agreement.

I turned back and continued the walk to the Burrows, going around to use the entrance we used yesterday, eating a roll every couple of steps. It was the only one out of the hundreds of entrances that I knew how to navigate from. A left here. Two rights. No. One right and then a left. Then two rights. I eventually made it to the central aqueduct but just like the bag of rolls, it was empty. There wasn't a single person there.

The mats where people were supposed to be lying were all deserted. I looked around and called names. Where did they all go? And why did the air smell like ash? Ash and wood smoke. Almost like there'd been a fire. Well, I didn't panic. Fires where pretty common when you had a couple of kids who had access to the occasional matchstick so I didn't panic. They probably evacuated to another smaller aqueduct. The only problem was which one? Not counting the one I'd entered from, there were four tunnels leading from the large room. If they had decided to go to... then... I scratched my head trying to figure it out. Maybe-

"Oh it's you."

I tensed and then turned around. Naiad. She was walking away from me, her shoulders drooping.

"Oh uhm. Naiad..." While it was a bit embarrassing to ask her of all people for directions, I had to swallow my pride for the sake of those who needed my help. She stopped but didn't turn to face me. Her hands were balled up at her sides.

"What? "

"Uh... I was wondering if you knew the directions to the aqueduct the injured kids are in."

"The what? "

"They were here yesterday. So I thought that-"

The laugh that echoed from Naiad was so venomous that I cringed back. She turned to look at me and caught me off guard, there were tears in her eyes. "Of course you were late. Of course they took Amber but not you. Of course they took almost every single kid in here and yet here you are!"

"Wait, who took Amber what are you talking about?"

"Tch. Go figure. I can't believe it. First the earthquake and now this."

"And now what? You're not making any sense. What ha-"

"Rrists." Her voice was barely a whisper but I heard every word. "They came in here this morning and threatened to burn and wreck this entire place if we didn't come with them. They took everyone. Almost everyone."

My world tilted, the empty bag of rolls dropped. Rrists had attacked the Burrows. The smell of ash in the air. There was a fire, just not the kind I expected. Naiad was still talking but I was still too busy processing the earlier information. It took a while before I realized she was yelling.

"..and yet they didn't even get you!!"

"What do you mean 'almost everyone'?" It didn't make sense to me. If they'd come to capture everyone then how come Naiad was still here? She looked away at my question and I could see a feint blush on her cheeks.

"Well... I... I mean... it was Amber's idea. They'd come and Amber she told me to... so I did. I-"

"Told you to do what?" I grabbed hold of her shoulders.

"She...she told me to hide! Okay? Are you happy now?She said I should hide in one of the large barrels we use to store water! So I did."

"So let me get this straight." I gripped her shoulders harder. "Everybody we knew was being captured by Rrists. Dangerous beings who don't give a damn about anyone! They were being captured and you hid?"

"What else was I supposed to do?" Tears began to line her eyes but my anger stopped me from caring.

"Try! You could've tried! Heck you might have gotten captured too but at least you would have tried! That's better than doing nothing! "

"Ow!" she jerked back. There were patches in her thin, silky sweater where my hands had been. The skin underneath was bleeding a little. "What did you just do?"

"I-I don't know." A lie. "Wait, I can heal it for you." I reached for Naiad but she backed away, swatting my hand out of the air.

"No! You could make it worse. Seriously though, " she said with a tug at her shoulders, her brows furrowed. "Just what is your Crux? I thought it was healing?"

"It is."

"But I'm guessing that's not all there is to it."

"No."

"Tch. Whatever. don't tell me then. It's not like I care." she began walking away.

"What about Wise? Was he-"

"No. Haven't seen him all day. I even thought he was with you. Like always. " Her voice sounded spiteful as always and yet so sad that I forgot my anger.

"Naiad it's not like tha-"

"Spare me the talk. I don't care."

"Wait. Where're you going?"

Naiad stopped and sighed. She tapped her feet for a few seconds before turning back to look at me. "Why do you want to know?"

"I-uh I just... I just wanna help. "

"Help? Help? How could someone like you possibly help?" She charged with three brisk steps and stopped right in front if my face. "Since you've gotten here all you've done is make things worse! First worse for me and now worse for everyone else! "

"What do you mean every-"

She poked my chest, right above the collar bone, as she said, "It's your fault the Rrists came here." with a calm ice in her voice, a tone that I'd never heard her use before. Pure hatred shone in her eyes as she glared at me. But what did she mean?

"How is it my fault?"

She smiled cruelly. "While I was hiding, I heard them. They said they weren't sure who the brat that they heard could heal wounds was so it was best they took everyone. Two points for guessing who they were talking about."

No no no. "...me." I muttered. I was the only kid in the Burrow who could do that. Sure there were a bunch of other kids with different abilities. Jay could pick any lock, Maria and her voice, Nik made plants grow or wither, Bann understood animals, Aki had the ability to turn anything into a coconut, Naiad could purify water, but of all the many Cruses in the Burrow, only I could heal injuries.

"Ding ding ding." she said accentuating each ding with another poke. "Looks like we have a winner. " Naiad stopped and just looked me over. "Maybe one of them got hurt and they heard about what you could do. Point is that if you'd been here, Amber wouldn't have been taken."

That was true. If they were just looking for me then they would have left everyone behind. Something kicked me in my gut. Was that why he came after my family all those years ago or was that why he'd let me live? I had just barely started showing signs of my Crux so there was no way he would have known. Unless he could sense soul abilities. No. His magic was definitely fire, that crimson red fire that still burned on in my memory. There was no way he'd have another ability. Each unique soul had it's own unique Crux. More than one wasn't possible.

"Now my sister is gone. And it's all your fault."

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Naiad chuckled. "Crying won't bring them back." This was all my fault. Here I was so fixated on helping them when I'd only made things worse. Why wasn't I taken? Was it a coincidence that I arrived too late? Maybe everyone would have been okay if the Rrists had found me here. My mind raced, thinking of all the ways this was my fault and I could have stood there and sank into a much deeper despair but Naiad was right. Wiping my tears, I began walking towards the tunnel I had come from.

"And where are you running away too? " Naiad called after me.

I continued walking. "I'm going to find them."

"Find them?" she laughed. "What can someone like you possibly do? What can a Crux like yours do? If you do find the Rrists then what?"

"I... I don't know. "

"See? There's no way y-"

"But it's better than not doing anything! I've gotta try. " I stopped at the entrance to the tunnel and turned back to look at Naiad. "I don't know how but I'm gonna make up for my absence! I'll bring back Amber and everyone else! I've gotta try. It's the only thing I can do."

I ran down the tunnel before she could reply and continued running in order to get out of the Burrows as fast as possible. It would take too long to check everywhere Wise could be so my best bet was probably to back to Baker. He might have seen, or heard something that could help. I bolted down the streets of Irre, startling some pedestrians in the process. Hopefully, Wise had come to Baker's stall today. It took a couple of minutes before his stall finally came in sight.

"Baker!" I called out. He tensed and looked up, a look of sadness on his face. Something had happened.

"Ah." He wouldn't meet my eyes. "Yer back are yer?"

"Baker what happened? Have you seen Wise? "

Baker cringed. "Yez. Eye 'ave seen d'wise guy. Skinny boy wit' black hair and-"

I slammed my hands on his stall. "Have you seen Wise today?!"

"..."

"Come on, Baker! Please!"

"Yez." He looked away.

"When?"

"A couple o' minutes avter yer came this morning. He said sahm things about Rrizz and asked me..."

"What did he ask you?"

"He... asked me to get 'im captured by the terrorizz."

What? No that couldn't have been right. Why would Wise want to be captured too?

"He said sahm things about it being better than being bored buh I think he was going ter try and save dem."

"S-so Wise got captured too. You got him captured." Baker dropped his eye to where my hands were touching the wood of his stall. I looked down at them and quickly jerked them away. The wood beneath my hands had begun decaying. "I-I'm sorry. I don't mean to."

"Nah it is understandable. Yer friends 'ave buhn captured by scary Rrizz. It is okay to looz control of your Crux. It happunz."

I looked down at the wood—that was the second time I'd lost control today. "It's not supposed to happen. I'm a healer. That's the only way I can ever be useful. "

"An' who told yer tha'?"

I shook my head because there was no way he would understand why my parents had reminded me of that truth almost everyday. A Crux that destroys was only fit for terrorists—my mother's words. She was right and so I hid that part of myself and focussed on healing, hoping that the better I got at it, the less likely the other part of my abilities would show up.

"Ma dum' Crus makes ma humming voice better than most regular singers." He continued when I refused to speak. "Now what kind of magic is tha' fer a full grown man teh have? Was taunted quite a bit cuz of it growin' up. While the other boys got stron' an' fast an' useful, dere I was —ol' Argus who could hum like a maid— standin' out like a sore nail." He reached out and touched the part of the counter that had decayed a little. "Ma mum loved ma magic humming mind yer. Said it was the loveliest she'd ever heard. Just like ma gran's she said. Ter cut a long story short, point is, it taught me not ter feel too bad about what yer soul can give cuz it's yer soul after all. It might come in handy sahm day. I know how many customers ma humming has brought in fer me." He said with a wide grin.

I wasn't sure how right he was with regards to my situation. Sure, when you're talking about humming it's fine to not hide who you are but when your soul can crumble buildings, it's less straightforward. Despite my doubts, I nodded nonetheless. There were more important things right now. Looking up at Baker, I took a deep breath before speaking. "I need to find the rabbits or the Rrists that took them. "

He raised an eyebrow. "Which 're yer looking fer?"

"Which ever one is faster."

"Well—Eye haven seen any sign of em fer the past couple o' minutes so it must be safe ter say they're long gone."

"But do you know anyway I could find them? How did Wise get captured?"

Baker scratched his chin, thought for a couple of seconds then shook his head. "Wouldn' work again. Wise guy a bit lucky in an unlucky way o'course. The others would be too far away fer yet to do the same." Baker stopped and considered for a few moments. "Well, dere's always Silver." His "er" sounded like "ah". "Only problem is—"

"It's fine. You're sure he can help me so let's go." There was no time to waste—every second took them farther and farther away.

Baker cleared his throat and, for some reason, avoided meeting my eyes. "The only problem is tha' Silver is a bit odd —won't hold it against him, seeing as we're all sorta odd— but there's another thing I should warn you about. Eh—yer see Silver is—eh—"

"Come on Baker, spit it out."

"He's a Rrizz."

I stopped, startled. If this Silver person was a Rrist, it meant he was probably dangerous. But if Baker trusted him enough to suggest him, then I would too seeing as there was no other option. I nodded. "Let's go. There's not much time. Please take me to him."

Baker shrugged with a grim look on his face. "Gimme a couple seconds ter close up ma shop, after which we can go." He sighed suddenly as if remembering something. "Eye apologize in advance."

"W-what do you mean? "

"Eye mean—the rules don't really apply to Silvah. You'll see what I mean. "

I wasn't sure how to take that so I gulped and nodded. It didn't matter how odd this Silver was, if he knew how I'd find Wise and the others then I would go—I'd have to try.