Plan C

I would like to make an announcement. Remember those talks of becoming an SSS-rank ninja by copying powerful people? Can you delete that from your memory? Because I was talking shit. Those plans have been canceled.

Who in the hell do I copy to become that powerful? Kaguya? I'll need to become an Alien Space Bitch for that to work. (See what I did there?)

Do I copy Naruto? Don't answer that. Let's leave Shukaku for Gaara. I ain't going anywhere near the tailed beasts. Akatsuki bro.

Do I copy Madara? Where would I get some sharingans? More importantly, where do I get Uchiha brothers who both have the mangekyou? Didn't Itachi kill them all off yet? Where on the timeline am I? I think it's time for plan C. Don't worry. This time, I had a plan C or should I say plan B version 2.

What's plan C? It's quite simple. Write down a giant list of great ninjas whose skills and jutsus I could actually copy. That means elemental ninjutsu is out due to my unique condition. This means more of a focus on puppetry (this is Suna), genjutsu, taijutsu and the mother of all bullshit, fuinjutsu.

After making my list, I arranged the skills and jutsus in a realistic manner and started from the easiest. Don't let me bore you with the details of all that. In fact, I'm already at step 3 of the plan: acquire some kunais.

This brings us to my current situation. Where in the house would a chunin hide her kunais? I've checked the cupboards, the rooms, the kitchen, the bathroom, the fridge, behind the sofa and now I'm currently trying to get to the ceiling.

After five minutes of trying to find a ladder, I began to think like a ninja. If you guessed wall walking, we're on the same page.

It took three minutes to get my leg to stick to the wall. After patting myself on the back and taking a minute to appreciate my genius, I took the next step and promptly fell on my ass.

It took me twenty minutes to learn the necessary concentration needed for my feet to stay stuck as I move.

It took me an additional twenty minutes to learn how to stick and unstick my feet in order to walk naturally. And that's where mom found me. Walking slowly on the ceiling like a humanoid cockroach.

"Taka?" Her voice broke my concentration and I found myself falling to the floor before being caught by her. She set me gently on the floor. "Who taught you wall walking?"

"Er…" Do I lie? Do I say the truth? Don't geniuses get certain advantages? "I taught myself."

A beautiful smile blossomed on her face. "Show me."

I burst into a huge grin. "I wanted to get to the ceiling and I couldn't find the ladder so I tried to copy Yuki sensei." I reached the ceiling and beamed down at her. "Am I not cool?" I gave her thumbs up and a small jump. Unfortunately, gravity took control and I found myself in my mom's hands for the second time.

"My little genius. Just like your father," she paused. "Why were you trying to get to the ceiling?"

I chuckled rubbing the back of my neck. "I was trying to find where you keep the kunai."

"Taka! I taught you not to pick up sharp objects!" She tapped her kunai pouches to make sure I didn't skim it during the hug. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have pulled that off.

"It's for training! How else am I going to become the greatest ninja?"

"You should have waited for me to come home." She tapped my nose smiling at my very manly pout. (It was very manly! I swear!) "Come on, let's get you your own ninja tools."

"Yeah!" I cheered as we stepped outside. After locking the door, she knelt for me to get on her back. With a quick leap, we were on the rooftop. "A roof ride? Yeah!"

In a minute, we were landing in front of the weapon shop. The shop stood in a deserted alleyway off the market street. In front was a huge window displaying a wide range of swords that could only be for a single type of clientele: ninjas. Accompanied by the jingle of the bell above the door, we stepped in. "Welcome to The Arsenal!" A voice called out from the backroom. "Best weapon store in the Wind country."

The interior was spacious and well organized with sections dedicated to different types of weapons, scrolls and accessories. The huge window was a boon illuminating the shop and giving off an ambience associated with botanical gardens.

"Hanako." A handsome redheaded dude with a huge smile walked out of the back room and at that moment, I knew that this man was my arch-nemesis. The Kaguya to my Naruto. The Voldermort to my Harry Potter. The man looked down at me. "Is this little Taka? So cute."

Cute? Cute! How in the heavens can he call me cute? I am totally handsome.

"Kani." Mom greeted him with a familiarity that set alarm bells ringing in my head. Did she come here for a lot of weapons or to chat with Kani? "We're here for cute Taka's first weapons."

I turned to her with an expression of outraged betrayal. How could she do that to me? Why agree with this Kani fellow that I'm cute? "I'm handsome, not cute." I glared at both of them.

Kani shared a grin with Mom. "Why don't we start with the basic equipment? The ninja pouch. Come with me." He led us to a small section of the store with a shelf filled with pouches of different colors and materials. "We've got leather, wolf skin, bear skin and even chitin plated pouches."

"Why don't you choose one?" Mom looked down at me.

I eyed the selection before a bulb went on right over my head(not literally!) I just had the best idea of the whole year. "Do you have any snake skinned pouch?" The two adults raised their eyebrows in surprise. Kani reached out and pulled out a beautiful dark green snakeskin pouch. I burst into laughter at my genius. Now I have a snake related joke for when I meet Orochimaru. I'll be keeping it in my pouch. (See what I did there?)

Kani raised an eyebrow at Mom as my laughter echoed around the shop. "That's his inspiration laugh. He's just had an idea that he thinks is the best in the world." She smiled indulgently. "Now, let's get him some shurikens."

Wait, what? Shuriken? "I want kunais."

"What do you need them for?"

"Target practice."

She turned to Kani, "we'll take a pack of shurikens." She knelt to talk to me. "Taka, kunai are melee weapons. They're for one on one combat. Shurikens are throwing weapons. They're perfect for target practice."

When she puts it like that, it makes a lot of sense and on second thought, shurikens work perfectly for my plans. That doesn't mean I won't grumble though. After showing me how to tie the pouch around my leg, we filled the pouch and walked out the store. The ninja world never ceases to amaze me. Only ninjas would hand weapons to a five years old boy.

Speaking of weapons, "I don't like Kani!" Mom raised an eyebrow as if to ask 'really?' "I really don't like him."

"Why?"

"I just don't like him. He seems fishy."

"Do you want ice cream?" She pointed at the stall on her right. I nodded with all the strength my body could muster. After a little negotiation, we were both holding a cone of heavenly ice cream. This seemed like as good a time as any. "Teach me fuinjutsu."

She gave a startled laugh. "You want to learn fuinjutsu? You're too young for that."

"I'm a genius right? Shouldn't you be trying to test my limits? Or trying to see if my genius stretches to fuinjutsu?"

She laughed in my face and reached out to ruffle my hair. "Trust me Taka, your genius can't handle fuinjutsu." Seeing the pout on my face, she asked "why don't you ask Kani? He's a fuinjutsu expert."

Hell no! Over my dead body. I'm not becoming a point of contact between my mom and that snake. "No! Never. I told you I don't like him. I'd rather become the daimyo than learn anything from him."

"How about I teach you puppetry instead?" She asked. Puppetry was part of my plans but I'd rather start learning fuinjutsu now.

"I'm more interested in explosion seals than toy soldiers, thank you very much." As she laughed, I got another genius idea. "How about a challenge?" She raised a brow in amusement. "Give me a challenge. If I win, you'll teach me fuinjutsu. If I lose, I'll learn puppetry."

"Really?"

"Yes! Test me."

"Okay. What challenge should I set for you?" She looked at me with a playful smile. "Aha! I challenge you to bring me the Kazekage's hat. You have one week."

"The kazekage's hat? Ha! I accept. You're setting yourself up for failure. I am so getting that hat!" She laughed with me.

Did she forget the kazekage is my uncle or does she want to lose? It doesn't matter. I'm smashing this challenge.