Chapter 52 What do you really think

In the silent space, only the sound of the outdoor unit motor placed in the corner of the stair landing is echoing. Only the faint light of the street lamp seeps in here, and it is extremely quiet, enhancing this tranquility even more.

"...Blake"

In the dim darkness, an almost vanishing sense of unease assails me. I stretch out my arm and hug Blake tightly, as if to hold onto him.

"Did that guy say anything?"

Blake strokes my hair to comfort me. His hand is extremely warm, and I can't help but rest my forehead on his shoulder.

"No. You'll understand once you see."

"It clearly has nothing to do with oneself at all."

"People who care about you will notice."

Holding tightly onto the back of Blake who is muttering to himself, I feel a bit of weight on his shoulder. Looking sideways, Blake leans his head on my shoulder and bends down.

"What's wrong?"

"...You're too adorable. I can hardly bear it."

Looking at Blake who is bending down and sighing deeply all the time, he combs my hair and kisses there.

"If you don't understand, it doesn't matter. It's just that I'm too impatient...probably."

When I'm puzzled by the slightly loosened strength of my arm around Blake, he leans against the door and crosses his hands near my waist. I also imitate him and put down my arms. Blake smiles gently and his lips touch my forehead.

"Hey, Blake. What do you really think?"

"Why do you care so much. I've always liked Ben."

"...Um"

I stare intently into the eyes of Blake who is frowning, and he suddenly shows a troubled smile.

"I'm quite capable too, but Ben is too much of a worrywart, right?"

"Oh, sorry. It's annoying, right?"

I'm very clear about this. However, an indescribable feeling wells up in my heart and my chest becomes heavy.

"I'll make it clear first. I only had you in the past and now."

"Ah."

I escape from Blake's gaze fixed on me and bend down. Blake slightly shrugs at me like this and smiles.

"...I know that guy's feelings. But probably he has also noticed that I don't have that kind of feeling for him."

"Eh."

"But if we weren't people with different views on love, maybe we could become good friends."

Blake wraps his arm around my shoulder as I jump up in surprise and slowly pulls me towards his shoulder with a small smile.

"Have you really not thought about anything at all?"

"...I guess."

I can't help but approach him and hold his chest. Just for an instant, he looks down at me with a surprised gaze.

"Sorry, forget it. It's too outrageous."

"It's okay. Does this mean Ben is very persistent towards me?"

"You were very surprised just now, right?"

Remembering that gaze just now, my chest is in turmoil. I feel that my feelings are too childish and shameful, and I want to run away.

"Saying it's surprise is rather being shocked. When you said it with an expression like you're about to cry, I feel very honored. I even want to steal you away right now."

"Eh?"

Hearing the unexpected words, I look up and Blake's extremely gentle smiling face is approaching right in front of me. Before I have time to be surprised, my lips are blocked. I feel that my breath is about to be taken away and I'm plunged into a deep kiss.

"Um,...um"

The sound of myself coming from my nose makes me feel that the heat of my body suddenly concentrates on my face. But even if I want to cover my ears and stay away from that sweet sound containing attachment, I can only hug Blake's back tightly. But my mind becomes blurred and it's unbearably difficult to breathe - yet I feel extremely satisfied.

"Are you okay?"

I look longingly at the lips that are slowly moving away. They approach again and peck gently. Hearing the small sound made by the lips, my body trembles involuntarily and my strength disappears.

"Sorry. It's really because you're too adorable and I can't resist."

"...Fool"

Seeing that I suddenly become listless, Blake makes a slightly panicked sound. I glare at him with my eyes. He hugs me tightly without leaving any gap.

"It's not good for the heart...I'm going to die."

Blake murmurs softly in my ear and then vaguely covers it up with a long sigh.

"Blake, do you think Paul is cute or something like that?"

"...Ah?"

"No."

"Eh?"

My one sentence makes time seem to stop. Blake forgets to blink and is stunned.

"Why ask such a question?"

"Just casually asking. Isn't Paul like a cat that isn't close to people? If he acts coquettishly towards you, don't you think he's cute?"

I look at Blake with a severe expression and tilt my head. He narrows his eyes and the wrinkles between his eyebrows become deeper.

"...Could it be that you have thought like this?"

"Yeah, occasionally."

I nod at Blake who is dejected. He droops his shoulders like deflating and sighs deeply.

"Why ask this suddenly?"

"I think Blake has little resistance to others' acting coquettishly, right?"

I feel that Blake is very sensitive to the feelings of people around him. Just within what I can see, usually he hardly understands. Probably, he is very gentle to people in his heart.

In fact, although Paul is always treated roughly and makes people angry, he has never been abandoned. Even if their relationship seems bad, I don't think Blake dislikes him. Perhaps somewhere, Blake finds him rather helpless.

"Don't suddenly analyze so calmly(calmly) like this."

I stare straight at him. Finally, he holds his head in his hands and lowers his head. When I peek at his face, he presses my face towards his chest as if to prevent me from looking at him.

"Well, how about it?"

"..."

From Blake's silent chest, one can hear his rapid heartbeat. I don't know if this is confusion or anxiety, but I listen to that sound for a while.

"Don't forget what I said at the very beginning."

"Yeah, I know."

"...I have my thoughts."

Hearing this sentence murmured quietly by Blake, I just grunt in response and then close my mouth. But I'm not hurt. I just feel that to some extent I can understand.

So it's just that - I just want to confirm it.

"Ben?"

"Yeah, ah. Sorry, I'm not angry. I just think that you two seem like water and oil but can always be together. I want to figure it out."

When he hears me answering his probing voice with my head raised, Blake looks straight at me with a confused gaze.

"That's because that guy is always pestering Ben."

"Yeah, I understand."

"What do you understand?"

Seeing a smile suddenly appear on my gloomy face, Blake's expression becomes even more confused and stiff. Seeing his reaction, I can't help but give a wry smile.

"I now know the priority order of Blake. I know that the most important thing for you now is yourself."

However, I think it was probably Paul before. Before I stood by Blake's side - otherwise, they know each other's feelings but can't be together for long.

And if Paul doesn't let go, Blake definitely won't be here. Thinking of this, my chest aches unbearably.

I don't know if this pain is for myself or for Paul. But anyway, I want to confirm it no matter what.

"All right, I'm satisfied."

"Ben, please don't come to a conclusion by yourself."

"I just want to know, is it really me who is the most important to you now?"

Even if being laughed at for being stupid or being scolded for not believing despite having received so much affection, I don't care.

"...The past is not important anymore. So I want to confirm that the you now belongs only to yourself."

My feelings for Blake have already overflowed from the bottom of my heart to an uncontrollable extent. So no matter how many times I confirm it, it's definitely not enough. Maybe sometime I'll ask him the same question again.

I want to confirm Blake's mood in the next minute, the next second.

"I'm very cowardly and pathetic. But I can't live without you. So."

It has been like this from the very beginning. I don't know why I'm so eager for his affection to the point of being driven into a corner. But no matter how long we've been together, I feel uneasy.

Perhaps somewhere I'm afraid. Afraid of being abandoned, afraid of not being able to reach him. This kind of fear is unbearable for me.

"Calm down and listen to me carefully. And definitely don't forget. The person I love, in the past, present and future, is only Ben, you alone. Nothing else."

"...Yeah, thank you."

When hearing him say this and hugging me gently, I can't find any words anymore and can only keep nodding and crying.

"It's okay. You are everything to me."

I bury my face in Blake's chest and forget about time. At this moment, several dull sounds come from the other side.

"Sorry to disturb you. The chef says it's about time to come back. He's been muttering."

Hearing Paul's voice coming from the slightly opened crack of the door, Blake steps away from the door he's leaning against. The door creaks and opens a little bit more.

"I'm going now."

"Sorry for making you delay your work."

"It doesn't matter."

Blake stops my words with his lips, smiles gently, strokes my hair and leaves quietly. The light shining through the opened crack of the door makes me dazzled for an instant.

"Send him back properly."

"I know. Hurry up and go."

Looking at Blake's back leaving as urged by Paul, suddenly a shadow blocks the light.

"Teacher, your eyes are red. Did he make you cry?"

"No, it's not."

Paul, who has been staring at my face, strokes the corner of my eye with his fingertip and frowns. I hurriedly wave his hand away. For some reason, he sighs softly.

"If he made you cry, tell me. I'll scold him."

"Don't talk nonsense. Blake won't do such a thing."

"Yeah. That guy is simply infatuated with you, teacher. Really blind."

Seeing me frown, Paul smiles happily and lifts one side of his cheek.

"Now and in the past, the most important person for that guy is always you, teacher. So, I'll make trouble between you two and have a good time. Don't mind it."

"Ah?"

"I said I like both of you, right? Taking care of both sides. Killing two birds with one stone."

Seeing my blank look, Paul deliberately closes one eye, grins with a smile in his mouth and disappears on the other side of the door. Then I hurriedly open the door. Paul smiles with narrowed eyes.

"There will always be obstacles in love, right?"

I don't know if his smile is joking or serious, but without a doubt, I feel that I've become the target of his teasing.