Lesser

Tittle : Lesser

Descritopn:

People always need someone lesser than them, to compare to, to fell good about themselves, to pity, they are needed because if they aren't there someone else will be the lesser one…. And that is the society that I hate but I will take that role, the role that made people scorn you, made people say "don't be like him." Because that's all I'm good at.

Story:

As I walked to the supermarket I looked up to the cloudy sky and down to the sandy ground, then I looked at the road full of cars and motorcycles running across it, I looked at them busy going from one place to another, each with their own purpose. What about me?

Yeah, I do have a purpose, to buy snack. As I walked I passed by a field where a group of little boys practicing soccer with the coach supervising them and then a sentence flashed trough my mind 'If I could go back in time I want to do my best in sports.' Before I looked away.

As I walked more, I grew bored and I remember…., yes I remember many things like "Look at your cousin he is going out to hang out with his friends, why don't you go out too, don't stay cropped inside your room anymore." Or "Look your little brother have learned how to play guitar." Or perhaps the bragging in the disguise of seeking advice "Cousin, how do you think I should handle those girls that want to get closer to my boyfriend?" or perhaps! The whisper that I accidentally heard in the new year gathering "Look, you have to study harder, do you want to be like him! Whose score is bellow 3 out of 4, No Girlfriend, no friend, alone in his room!" or perhaps even the-

TEET!!! TEET!!!

I was shaken awake by the sound of the car's horn, I looked around seeing that I am standing in the middle of the entrance to a small alleyway road. I bowed my head slightly with apologetic expression toward the car before I hurriedly walked past the road.

It was not long before I got bored and remembered another memory, the memory of me reading the text that my mom sends to me 'Son, do you have no passion, where does your passion lies? I will help you to get there, if you like It it's okay to stop you Computer Science collage course now if you want to switch.' I smiled in self-mocking way as I thought of it, 'the problem is I have no passion toward anything productive.' I like anime but I don't think I like drawing, I don't like 3D animating, I don't like doing the production part, I like novels, I sometimes write them but the problem is they are trash…I think that's about as far as something that could be said passion inside of me goes.

My eyes become cloudy again remembering, the books that my project mate have on their house, the coding practice, the concentration in their eyes, their expression when they finish solving that particular problem. The look in my ex-childhood friend as he toss the basketball into the ring, the expression and tone on my youngest brother face and voice when he talk about wanting to be a youtuber.

Once again, I was awakened from my day dreaming by the sand blown by a gust of strong wind. I walked again I walked forward with my eyes starring at the way but my mind was only partially connected to the current reality I am in.

'It's okay, I am the bad siblings, the family member that wasted his deceased dad money just by living, the family member that is cropped up inside his room watching GODDAMMINT "Cartoon" ', my hand clenches again remembering my grandma's word 'the brother that slept until 9 a.m while his younger brothers and sister woke up at 6'

That self-insult go on until I arrive before the supermarket and it ended with 'After all I am just the useless eldest son', before I go inside it and bought the snack I wanted.

Inside my room before the mirror, naked I looked over my body and commented as I looked up and down toward my-self and remembering the bad parts of myself from the top to down.

The head that house a good brain but bad mind, the hair scalps that is going trough hair loos even though it's not even in 20s, the face that is not that handsome, the mouth that want to eat just good things, the eyes that subconsciously looked lecherously at someone because of too much porn, the ears that just hear what it wanted to, the shoulder and back full of acne, the armpits that smell goddam awful, the stomach that is slightly fatter, the dick that doesn't even reach 15cm erect, the legs that doesn't even carry it's owner to the better future, before I stared back at my eyes on the mirror…. The person who is wanting but not trying.

I walked until I was right infront of the mirror and I point at myself and said "You! You are still young, you still could improve, be better, you could do it, just do random things and be good at it, at least you will have something you are better at, find your passion…yeah find your passion." I said as I walked off to the bed, jumping toward it still naked.

"Why am I even trying to do this?" I whispered as my eyes closed very slowly.

"you know all that self-motivation talk is not working right, myself." I clenched the sheet beneath me.

"Just accept it, you are not a good human being, as a brother, as a son, as a society member, as anything!" even though I know numerous people more unfortune, trashier, more troubled, eviller than me, I still said and though of that.

"Yeah, even if you are not good there is still person who is worse than you!" I said as I cheered myself as I close my eyes completely.

"In circumstances!" as I remembered the children that is hungry until they are skinny, the people with their missing body parts.

"in intelligence!" as I remembered a schoolmate that could be said halfwit but still manage to finish a school project by himself.

"in wealth!" as I remembered the poor that is begging on the street.

"in being a better human being!" as I remembered the people who littler every trash they got, the people who became mass murderer, the fictional character I read?

I opened my eyes showing its glassines before laughing out loud.

"HAHAHhahaha!!!, I even consider a fictional character to rely on so I feel better, huh!" I laughed for a while more before I starred at the ceilings of my room while muttering.

"People need each other." I said as I lay on my said and reached out to my bolster.

"Because of what?" I hugged it as if compensating it for someone that I never had, but instead of warmth I felt the coldness because of the Air Conditioner.

"Because they want someone they can feel lesser or superior too." I hugged harder.

"Because they need someone lesser that themselves to feel good about themselves, they need someone superior to not be too arrogant and to be their goal." I buried my face on the bolster.

Then in an enlightening moment, I said "ah… yes, I am a good member of society, I support my family by giving someone so close to them to fell better too, to be a target to show what is wrong, I will became the examples of failure so that my family can be successful..." I continued to mutter until I lulled myself to sleep and in the end I said "… I am needed."