Chapter 30: Dinner and a fight

Dinner and a fight

I probably blushed as he took my jacket and purse for me. His place was actually decent, I really never saw a bachelor that kept such an organized home but Drew really wasn't ordinary. His place wasn't too big, but he had a nice living room and workout area and it seemed there was a bathroom and bed room down the hall. His kitchen was surprisingly large, he had a few things cooking at once as he showed me in, "Have a seat, want a drink? I picked up a nice 15 year if you're interested?"

"Sure," I said, sitting on the edge of the couch.

"I will make a nice us a nice Manhattan, it'll pair perfectly with dinner." The place smelled heavenly a distinct butter scent in the air.

"What's on the menu tonight?"

He bent over on top of the stove, "Well, I was going to try something new, but then I didn't want to fuck it up. So I went with an oldie, but goodie. Roasted orange duck, rosemary potatoes and a mango chutney."

"You definitely know me." You could hear the sound of the shaker now, as his head disappeared behind the stove hood. After a moment, he appeared holding two drinks. He wore his go to outfit, his jeans and black tank top, his hair pulled back behind his head. He smiled as he sat across from me. "It's nice to see you in person. Video chat isn't quite the same."

"Yeah, it's not and just look at you. You look like a different person."

Smiling I sat back, sipping my drink, "Maybe this is who I would have been if I hadn't been in a coma for a decade." I mused, "More refined, professional even, but always well kept." I chuckled.

"Maybe so." He stood now at a sound from the kitchen, "Please excuse me, that timer says it's time to eat." He went to the kitchen, pull out dishes from all over, he placed in the little dining area parallel to the kitchen. "Come join me."

Carefully standing, I walked to the table. He pulled out my chair for me, putting a covered dish in front of me. He smiled gently, returning to the kitchen for his tray. The table was set with candles already and more fresh flowers. He had said this was casual, but this looks awfully romantic for a dinner with a friend. "Everything looks amazing."

He popped back out, carrying his tray to his side, he sat down, "Thank you, I thought I went a little overboard, but I was anxious, so…"

"This was supposed to be casual and this looks opposite of that."

He chuckled nervously, "It started out casual, then I just kept thinking 'oh wouldn't this be cute' and suddenly, it's way too much. I'm sor—"

"Don't be sorry." I interrupted him, "It's beautiful."

He leaned over pulling the top off of my plate, "I know I've made you this several times, but its been a while."

I grabbed my fork, smiling, "I am so happy you went with this, I've missed your cooking so much. Madison is a terrible cook and I will just eat some shit raw and forego cooking."

He laughed, "I'm surprised you're not just a sack of bones with the way you eat."

We both started eating, taking many awkward glace at each other. The silence was not helping, I am sure either of our anxieties, "How's your family been?" I asked politely.

"Well Dad and Mike are doing good. I went to see them for a couple of weeks a month or so back. It was nice to be back home for a while. I even considered just moving back."

"Wow, what made you decide to come back? I know how much you miss your family and friends."

He smiled, a little awkward, "Actually, it was my dad. Him and I had a heart to heart and he helped me understand that some things are worth fighting for. So," he took a breath, "here I am. I even had a job lined up there."

In a way, I was glad he was still here, but I also knew how homesick he was at times, "Well I imagine you will end up back there someday."

"Maybe, just depends." He took a few bites, enjoying more of his drink, "So, what about you? Besides a complete makeover obviously."

Laughing, "Um, not a lot. Work mostly, unfortunately."

"How's you therapy going? You mentioned about having to go more often." He asked, innocently.

"That god damn woman." He looked caught off guard by my tone, "I fucking hate her, she's always lecturing me. Can you believe," I started, taking a drink, "she wanted me to drag you along to one of our session. Well, that was before we broke it off."

"Really?" he said calmly, "That's kind of funny." I must have looked confused, and he continued, "You therapist reported me to my employer, saying I was taking advantage our professional relationship for sexual gains."

If you could actually see red, that was the moment for me, "That stupid bitch. I told it that it was innocent enough."

"Well," he took another drink, still looking nervous, "she was unsuccessful. I guess it was my resigning that saved my behind. At that point, the considered it a personal matter and I was able to get back to work."

"They suspended you?" I asked, wondering why he hadn't mentioned it before.

"Yeah, that is why I took off for a while, they suspended me pending results. Thankfully, I had short term disability to fall back on while I was suspended and a good savings."

He seemed to accept what happened, not upset at all, "You're taking it pretty well."

"Yeah, that day when I saw you at the café, I had just come from the review board and was feeling pretty good about myself. That was why I felt like I could try to fix things between us. Before I was worried they would see that as proof." He smiled, "Don't worry about me lass, I'm a big boy, I can handle myself."

"It definitely makes me justified in my hate for that woman." I scoffed, finishing up my food.

"You should give her a chance, it's obvious she is worried about your well being. I know she was just trying to protect you, she even apologized at the end of the review for making a big stink out of it."

I mulled it over a moment, "You're too nice sometimes Drew. I would have been thinking of a way to get her back."

He chuckled lightly, "There's no time for anger and hatred Kavi, sometimes you have to pursue your happiness by choosing to be happy."

We sat for another few minutes, both of us done eating, Drew stood up, clearing things from the table. He seemed to be taking his time, maybe even avoiding me. It seemed he was nervous, he kept averting his eyes from me, he returned after a few minutes, carrying the bottle of bourbon in his hand, "Let's head out to the balcony."

Standing, "Is it cool outside?"

He opened the sliding door, "No we should be fine. If you get too cold, you can always snuggle up to me." He reached out for my hand, "It's a bit small, but its nice place to watch the sunset." I grabbed his hand, letting him pull me out of the door. It was kind of small, there was a small table and a few chairs, including a rocking swing. He led me to it, signaling me to sit beside him.

Drew was a bigger guy, which I really liked, but at that moment, I was worried the damn chair would break, "You think this thing is going to hold?"

"If you must know, I've had sex on this swing before, it can handle it." He blushed, patting the seat again.

When I sat down, it rocked just a bit and he leaned back into his corner and I did the same in mine. I had finished my drink and poured a refresh, although the muddled orange was gone, a bit of flavor was left over as I continued to drink. The last thing either of us needed was another drunken night together, so I sat it on the table, so I wouldn't be tempted to keep drinking. I knew if it was in my hand, I was going to drink it.

He looked around, at just about everything but me, when he finally broke the silence, "I want to ask you a question, but the last thing I want to do is upset you."

"Ask away," I said unsure of myself, my anxiety demanding answers.

"Your makeover… was this for your thing with Madison?" he asked, somber.

Not able to stop myself, I sighed, "Yes, technically it was."

He shook his head, "Kind of thought so."

"It's not like I don't like it, I just don't know if I would have spent that kind of money for 'self-care' things." I grabbed my drink, I took another sip.

He seemed irritated a bit, "So you're still planning on going through with it, is that it eh?"

Without missing a beat, "Yes, I thought I made that clear before."

A tense silence fell over us. He took a couple of more drinks, he was leaned forward now, his arms crossed over his lap as he spoke, "Sorry I just don't like the idea that you are changing who you are for his thing…"

"I'm branching out and trying different things. This was all of the stuff I didn't get to do in my 20s, and now their almost over…"

"I know lass, I'm not upset with you at all." He looked up at me, "I just feel like you're changing because you think you have to for some reason."

My confidence waning, "Oh god, I look terrible, don't I?"

"No," he sat down his drink, grabbing my hand, "if this is who you want to be, then I am right behind you. But you are an amazing person just the way you are."

"But," I said, leaning into him a bit, "I look really good, don't I?" I smiled, waiting for his response.

He laughed, leaning in for a kiss, "You look amazing. Intimidating, but amazing."

We shared a quick peck before retreating back to our corners, "Yeah I have been thinking about a lot of stuff recently. About us."

He immediately changed his demeanor, looking nervous, "What about us?"

Taking a deep breath, I knew I needed to rip the bandaid off so this nausea would subside, "We need to slow things down, like, a lot. I've been in this weird, pseudo happy place every time I see you, but then miserable when I'm alone."

He looked confused, "That's not a bad thing. I'm happy when I'm around you too."

How could I help him understand this? I knew it was crazy, so I had to try straight forward, "It's like being addicted. I am a normal person and happy when we are together, but as soon as you're not there, I am a different person and I crave it nonstop."

"So what are you trying to say? Did you want to end things?" His tone very flat, I knew he was expecting the worst.

"That's not it. I just don't think its healthy to put my happiness in your hands and your hands alone. It should be in mine."

He took a moment, nodding, "I understand, but does this mean you want to stop seeing me?"

"Not at all. I just think more casually would be better for us both."

His eyes dropped, looking at the ground, "Just friends."

My heart crashed hard in my chest, pain radiating through me, "If that's what we have to do." I followed up, realizing how heartless that sounded, "I would rather be more than that, but I know it's hard to draw those lines sometimes."

He smiled, "You mean sex?"

"Yeah, maybe so."

Taking a deep breath, "I feel the same way but I was terrified you would feel rejected if I suggested it. Especially after you jumped into my lap the other day…" He took a deep, exasperated breath.

"Yeah, I was really caught up in the moment, sorry." My face flushed instantly.

"Don't be sorry, it just took all of my strength not to throw you to the mattress and never let you go." He took another drink, waiting for me to react.

"How do you think I feel?" I paused, chuckling a bit, "After that, I have wanted you more than anything in this world. And it scared the shit out of me."

He moved now, just a bit closer, "You don't need to be scared. We'll slow things down, I just don't know if I can lose you again."

Grabbing his hand, I looked him in the eyes, "As long as you stick around, I'm not going anywhere. Not even jebus himself could take me away from you."

He pulled me next to him, laying his arm over me, "Good, now let's enjoy this sunset."