Flashback: Nicknames Are Bound to Stick

July 13, 2018 :

Clink. Clink. Clink.

The sound of ice clinking in alcohol glasses creates a soothing background noise in the dimly lit bar. I sit in the middle of the six remaining members of Division 1 at the bar counter.

"It's been a while since we could get together like this." Uyeno Mayumi, the third elite member of Division 1 sighs.

Nods of agreements circulate our group. I pick up my glass and down the remaining alcohol.

"We're only here today because of our leader." Sim Hyun-Jae, the sixth elite member of Division 1 adds, glancing in my direction.

I put down my glass.

"We're only here because of the lives that were sacrificed on our behalf."

The group goes silent.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom." I say getting up from my seat.

"I'll go with you." Ren Qiaolian, the fifth and oldest elite member of Division 1 says.

"Sure."

The two of us walk to the bathroom located in the back of the bar.

"Hey, are you okay?" Ren asks as we walk back to our group.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just, you've been acting differently since that incident."

I emit a dry laugh.

"Which incident? There have been many."

"I-, you know what I mean." She says turning away.

"Sorry." I reply. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I understand." She sighs. "It's been hard for you. It's been hard for all of us."

"Yea." I agree.

"Is there something else going on?"

"No."

Yes… But the leader needs to be strong for her division.

"I see…" Ren stops walking and gently grabs my shoulders with her hands. She looks me in the eyes and says, "If you ever need anything, let me know. I'll be here for you, and I'll always support you… leader." She smiles.

"Thank you." I smile back.

As the big sister of the group, Ren has always been reliable. If I didn't have her by my side, I don't know how I could continue to lead.

Ren and I walk to our group and take our seats.

"Ren-san, Leader-san, mitekudasai*." Komatsu Yoshiyuki, the second, and also the third oldest elite member of Division 1 says. He gestures to the big tv sitting to the left of the bar counter.

On the tv, a reporter signals to a giant rock behind her.

"It's a rock." I reply.

"Keep watching." He says. He turns to the bartender, "Excuse me, can you please turn up the volume on the tv?"

The bartender nods and complies. "That's a massive meteorite." He says. "I wonder how many casualties… " he trails off as he walks to help another customer.

Meteorite? When did that happen?

"About a week ago, during the recent meteor shower, a large and unexpected meteor crashed onto the earth's surface, leveling a majority of a city on the outskirts of California. There were hundreds injured, and hundreds more dead. Just now, we have received a report of the final bodies being recovered ...."

The six of us stare at the screen in awe and in horror.

"That's insane…" Hae Mun-Hee, the fifth elite member of Division 1 whistles.

"We're lucky that it didn't land near us." Hyun-Jae adds.

The news reporter finishes her announcement of the meteorite and moves on to her next story.

"The next report comes straight out of Los Angeles, where the biggest gang in American history has been under way. Police have been able to arrest members from both gangs, but have still to encounter the higher ups of each gang. There is little to no intelligence on this war, as it is being fought in the shadows. However, according to an inside source, an unidentifiable leader among the Hallyu gang has recently risen up, putting an end to many of the ongoing battles."

"She's talking about us." Mun-Hee whispers.

"Yes, but I think it is unwise to say that outloud," Ren says with a motherly look.

"You're right, sorry."

"Don't the reports sound really similar?" Hyun-Jae asks.

"What do you mean?" Mayumi replies.

"Well, the meteorite in the first report took out hundreds of people and injured a hundred more… The second report talked about the war and how our leader took out many opposing gang members. Isn't our leader similar to the meteorite?"

"You're right!" Ren gasps.

I laugh. "Are you calling me a giant rock?"

"It's a meteorite, genius." Mayumi teases.

I shoot a threatening look.

"Rock, meteorite. Same thing."

"Not really." Ren says. "A meteorite by definition is a meteor that survives its passage through the earth's atmosphere such that part of it strikes the ground. While some of it is indeed rock, the other parts of it are nickel and iron. A rock is the solid mineral material forming part of the surface of the earth."

The rest of us stare at her. Her cheeks are glowing with excitement.

"She's in 'genius mode'" Hyun-Jae whispers.

We all nod in agreement, mesmerized by the amount of knowledge and scientific definitions coming out of her mouth.

"English please?" I ask Ren.

"Oh, sorry about that. I get exhilarated when we talk about science."

"We know!" The rest of us laugh.

"If I were to explain this at your level, a meteorite is a shooting star that has fallen on earth. A rock is already on earth."

"Wait, wait, wait, so, do you mean that star rain is actually just burning rocks?" Hyun-Jae asks.

"Star rain?" Ren asks, confused.

"Are you still stuck on the meteor shower?"

"Did we ever move on?"

As expected, the maknae* of our group is completely absent minded.

Ren and Hyun-Jae both raise their voices as they begin expressing their disagreements.

"Hey leader." Mayumi calls for my attention.

"Yeah?"

"Shouldn't you do something about them?"

"Yes, but I really don't want to get caught in that."

"If it escalates, all eyes will be on us. You know what that means right? Knowing those two, they probably won't stop on their own. No matter how much of a genius Ren is, idiots like Hyun-Jae infuriate her."

I laugh in dread.

He's right, I should probably intervene. If there are revenge seeking enemy gang members here, things could get pretty messy.

I turn to the oldest and youngest of the Division 1 elites and sigh, "In Korean, the words for star and rain are byeol and bi respectively.

There is the actual word for meteor shower, yuseong-u, but even though Hyun-Jae is of Korean ethnicity, she grew up here in LA, so her Korean is almost nonexistent."

Ren sighs, "You're right. What did I expect.. She does, after all, have the brain of a bird. "

I stifle a laugh.

Before Hyun-Jae is able to scream at the insult, a smiling Yoshiyuki covers her mouth with his hand to keep her from making a scene. Hyun-Jae claws at his arms, but Yoshiyuki refuses to release her. Mun-Hee bursts into laughter.

I smile at the happy faces I see before me.

It's been so long since we could laugh freely this way... I can't wait until this war is over…

Hyun-Jae finally stops struggling and Yoshiyuki lets her go. She shoots a glare towards Ren and turns towards me.

"Eonnie. I think that you're like the star rain."

"What do you mean?"

Everyone looks towards her in expectation.

"Well, to us, you're like a bright star that guides us as a leader."

"... Really?" I ask shocked.

All I have been trying to do is to keep them safe. It's all out of selfishness. I can't bear to see anymore death in our division… If I can take on all the hate and violence directed towards us, I can keep my subordinates from facing fatal situations…

"How do you not know that?" Yoshiyuki asks. "Do you think we don't see all you do just to protect us?"

"Yeah," Mayumi adds, "We've been with you since the beginning. We know you better than you know yourself."

"We know how much you've had to persevere under unexpected situations."

I look around at the earnest faces around me. I didn't know this at the time, but the 5 remaining members of Division 1 were constantly looking out for me and watching over me. As I protected them from the top, they were there to support me from the bottom.

"Thanks." I respond. I can feel my eyes becoming misty. If I say anything else, I'll end up crying.

"As I was saying," Hyun-Jae continues, "To Division 1, you are our shooting star. You carry our wishes and light up the way for us to follow. But to others, you are like the meteorite that destroyed a part of the earth. To protect Hallyu, you destroyed and continue to destroy the threat to our existence as a Division, and as a family."

"I'll take that as a compliment." I smile.

Just as Hyun-Jae was about to say something pretty solid… That's why we love her…

"You should." Mun-Hee responds. "Not everyone can be a hero." He laughs at the irony. "To others, you may look like the source of destruction, but to us, you are someone important and as Hyun-Jae said, the brightest light in our skies."

"Thank you guys." I say with a smile, sadness hidden behind a mask.

This taste of the happiness that I once had, it's painful… I'm glad I can be their "light" but…

how can someone who dwells in darkness shine light on anything… Hyun-Jae was kind enough to compare me to the star rain that lights up the night sky, but only part of what she said was true… I'm nothing like the star rain that bears light, I'm the meteorite that brings nothing but destruction.

I grab my refilled glass of soju and down it in one shot.

"All right guys. I think it's time for us to go home."

"Awwww, already?" Mun-Hee whines.

"The police will be making their rounds soon. Do you really wanna go down as an underage drinker?" Ren retorts.

"Then what's this ID for?"

"Temporary solution, you addict." I reply with a smirk.

"HA! Look who's talking!" He scoffs.

"Tch. Dagchyeo*." I respond. "At least I can hold my liquor, you light weight."

"She got you there." Yoshiyuki teases.

"Whatever. Let's just get outta here before the cops come."

"Eonnie. Is it okay if we call you Byeol Bi from now on?" Hyun-Jae asks as we walk out of the bar.

"That's up to you." I smile.

"Okay."

"I think this nickname will stick." Ren adds.

"You think so?"

"Mmh." Ren nods. "You've become a hope for Hallyu. Using a name that represents that light will bring hope for the Divisions in LA."

Light…

"I hope so."

As Ren, Mayumi, Mun-Hee, and Hyun-Jae pull ahead of me, Yoshiyuki comes to my side.

"Star rain isn't just a beautiful light you know."

"Huh?"

"Hyun-Jae mentioned that you're a light for us all."

"Right."

"There is more to the star rain than what humans on Earth can see."

I tilt my head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"As Ren was going on her scientific rampage, this thought occurred to me. When the 'stars' rain, the light they produce comes from being burned as it passes through the Earth's atmosphere. What I mean is, the light you produce isn't from the good in you or from a heroine's spirit."

"Gee thanks." I joke.

"Keep listening."

"Sorry. I'll listen."

"Good." He smiles gently. "The light you produce is more similar to a meteorite than you would think. Just as star rain comes from meteorites being burned as they fall through the Earth's atmosphere, the light you produce is a burning that comes from the pain you've endured from the past."

"Oh, I didn't think of it that way…" I trail off.

"So don't think we don't see the darkness in you. We can all see it. But we also know that you have a goal, and as your subordinates, no, family, we're here to support you instead of getting in the way. So, just keep doing what you've been doing. If we see you begin to fall, we'll come and support you the way a family should."

Wow… Yoshiyuki... How do I respond to that?

"I-"

"Ahhh that was so embarrassing." He shudders. "Forget what I said."

He says that, but I don't think I'll ever forget… To any other person, what Mayumi said might be an insult… but to me, it felt like for once I was understood. The analogy between who I am now and the star rain gives me comfort in a melancholy way. Thank you Yoshiyuki.

"Oh, and one last thing Byeol Bi," He smiles as he rushes to catch up with the rest of them, "Tanjōbiomedetō.*"

I smile warmly, "arigatou."

I look ahead at my subordinates. My family. And as the remaining members of Division 1 walk in front of me, a light seems to shine around them.

"Ahh, you forgot one thing." I think to myself. "A meteor shower isn't made up of just one meteor. For the night sky to be fully lit with star rain, a family of meteorites needs to fall and burn together. You all are the falling stars that burn with me, and yet create a beautiful phenomenon."

From that day, throughout all of Hallyu and even in other gangs around LA, I was known as Byeol Bi, Star Rain. The LA Division 1 leader that led her division and with them, put an end to the raging gang war.