Again?

“I’m home!” I enthusiastically shouted the moment I arrived at our house.

I went straight to our kitchen for no one was there in our living room.

“Hey, mom.” I reached for her hand and put it on my forehead as a gesture of respect.

Mom in return just smiled at me.

“Dad’s not home yet?” I asked though knowing that he’s still at work.

“He’s not home yet. They have a lot of work to do so he’s taking overtime.”

I nodded at her despite the fact that she’s not looking at me. She was just too busy cooking our food and I understand.

“You know, mom I had this classmate who kept on annoying me for the whole day. He was so bubbly and full of energy. We argued at some point and he told me that he finds it fascinating whenever I speak more than one word,” I narrated full of energy and emotions but she simply nods at me, gave me a small smile, and still not looking my way.

“But to give the guy some credit, he helped me get through our boring laboratory time. He kept on bugging me but thank Go— "

“Why don’t you change your clothes first and do some homework?” she said as she cut what I’m about to say.

I looked at her, loss for words, but I collected myself and flashed a smile.

“Sure, mom. I’ll just go down for dinner,” I answered still smiling before I went to my upstairs.

The house feels lonely and quiet without dad in here. I can easily say things to him and sometimes the weird things he does make us all laugh. He makes mommy laugh. There were times when mommy randomly joked around and it was really bad, dad and I will exchange looks before teasing her.

It feels good to have that kind of relationship with my dad but I think it’s still different to have a sibling. I always envy my classmates and people in general who have siblings. They seem happier. I can’t explain it but the bond they have was something irreplaceable.

Mom had two miscarriages. On her first miscarriage, she slipped while cleaning and no one was home at that time. She called daddy and an ambulance but it was too late because she already lost the baby. Mommy was extremely devastated after that unfortunate incident. For months she won’t speak and we would always see her cry quietly for her unborn child.

Almost before the year ends mom recovered. She and dad gave it another shot to have a baby but then another incident took place.

“Kirsche! Get down here immediately!” Great, looks like the school already gave my mom a heads up.

“What is it, mom?” her eyes were on fire with her both hands on her hips.

“The head of your school called informing me, again, of your endless knavery.” I sneered upon hearing her concerns.

“Don’t worry about it, mom it was just the same knaveries I did in the past. Don’t be so stressed out it’ll not be good for the baby.”

My words didn’t soothe her at all.

“You don’t want me to be stressed but you’re giving me reasons to be stressed out! Why in the world did you join your classmates drinking session during class hours?!”

See? That’s why I told my teacher not to call my parents because I exactly knew mom would react this way.

“It wasn’t a big deal, mom. Go and take some rest.” I was about to ascend the stairs when she shouted.

“Don’t you turn your back at me when I am still talking, Kirsche Artemis Sanchez! This is a big deal. Since when did we teach you how to drink? And inside the classroom while your teacher was conducting a lesson? Where is your respect for your teacher and for yourself? You were seen in the cctv footage and you even had the guts to what? To involve your classmate in your shenanigans? Way to go for being a role model.” This discussion will not end any minute now.

“I was just curious of how alcohol would taste, mom. I haven’t had any of those and so I was tempted to taste it,” I explained.

“Curious? You see, that’s why curiosity isn’t a good thing every time. You use your curiosity in the right place and in the right time, Kirsche. You drink while the class was on-going, where the hell is your goddamn mind? You’re a disgrace. If you’re not ashamed of your actions then at least leave some room of respect for u— ahhh!” and she caressed her tummy and as I looked at her, blood were flowing down her legs.

“Mommy! You’re bleeding. C’mon let’s go to the hospital. You’re OB clearly instructed you that you should take better care of yourself and not be stressed out.” I was about to hold her when she suddenly went ballistic.

“Stress? You’re the sole reason why I’m stressing out right now. If only you would use your mind even once.”

I tried my best to hold my tongue because it will do no good if I fight her anger.

“Yes, mom it’s my fault, but let’s go I need to get you to the hospital because something bad might happen if this continue.” I tried holding her again but she shoved me.

“Don’t touch me, you ungrateful kid! You have all the things you need and yet you’re not contended. All we asked of you was to study hard but you kept on doing all those unnecessary things that wouldn’t even benefit you. I can’t even count how many times your school called us because of all your mischief, and there were even times when you’ll be the one to start those stupidities. I told you, honor and dignity! But maybe your comprehension is that low that you’re not even capable of doing such things!” my fist balled as I felt my whole body shuddering in anger.

“Maybe I’m doing all those things for you to notice me! Have you ever asked yourself that, mommy? That maybe there was something wrong with your child hence her actions? Maybe if you’ve asked me instead of wallowing for your unborn child, maybe I wouldn’t have done those things!”

A resounding slap echoed in our house. I smiled bitterly because of what she just did to me. I faced her ready to blurt out my anger but then I saw tears forming on the corners of her eyes.

“You don’t get to speak to me that way! You weren’t in my shoes when I lost my child! It wasn’t easy but— “she wasn’t able to finish what she’s about to say because she fell on the floor and bled even more.

“Mommy!” I hurriedly ran towards her and this time she didn’t resist. She was crying and muttering the words ‘my baby’.

I helped her up and hailed a cab to get us to the hospital.

“We’re sorry, Mrs. Sanchez but your baby’s gone. We did everything we can to save the baby but it was too late. You bled a lot and weren’t attended immediately.” My jaw dropped upon hearing the news from the doctor and my mother continuously shook her head as tears kept on falling from her eyes.

“No no no. Try harder! Try everything, anything! I will pay you just save my baby!” she became hysterical and so the nurse attended to her.

Then her eyes went on me.

“This was your entire fault! You take my child from me! You killed my baby!” her every word was dripping with venom, and hatred can be seen in her eyes.

“Mommy, I’m sorry,” and I slowly walked towards her and when I did she showered me with punches which I gladly accepted ‘cause she was right. This was my entire fault.

“You killed my baby! You killed her! Your selfishness killed my child! She was innocent and she doesn’t need to suffer this, but because of you she did. She’s gone now because of you!” she continued on punching me while I endlessly utter my sorry to her, and moments later she grew tired of punching me.

“I’m sorry, mommy. I’m sorry.” A sob escaped my mouth.

“Leave” was all she can utter.

Her shoulders were shaking from too much crying but no sound can be heard. She was clutching her chest as she softly caressed her tummy.

“My baby,” she cried over and over again.

Those moments were hell. Seeing my mother hurting so much, I regretted saying those words to her. I was this naïve high school girl who can’t control her anger. Maybe if I hold my tongue a little longer maybe she wouldn’t lose her child. Maybe if I just accepted all her sermons to me maybe I have a little sister now.

But regrets can’t bring back my little sister back. All hurtful words were said and even though years have passed the memories will forever be etched in our minds.

In my mom’s case, that’s what happened. She just couldn’t look at me without shedding some tears. I saw he tried to restore our relationship but she just can’t, and I can’t blame her for that. Maybe years have passed but every time she’ll lay her eyes on me, all she can remember was the moment she lost her child.

“Kirsh” I turned my gaze towards my door when someone spoke.

“Dad, how long have you been there?”

“Long enough to see you staring at nowhere. Looks like you have a lot in mind right now. A penny for your thoughts?” I smiled at my dad.

“Nah, daddy. It’s just school stuffs.”

I looked at my dad to assure him I’m fine but then his eyes, it was full of concern and he looks at me like I’m a glass that’s needed to be handle with care.

“Baby, you know you can tell me things right? Is this really about school? Or is this about what’s happened before?” Dad entered my room and he sat on my bed.

I hate it when dad calls me baby, it makes me want to cry without any reason at all.

“Of course, dad it’s about school.” I laughed so that he won’t notice the tears forming on my eyes. “I’ve already moved on, dad.” I smiled wider for him to know that I’m okay.

“Kirsh, you know your mom is trying. She was just really hurt; it was our second baby after all. You’ve seen her when she had her first miscarriage, right?” I nodded, “So, having it the second time around will be twice the hurt she felt the first time. Don’t worry baby, your mom loves you.” Dad holds my hand to assure me of the things he told me.

“I know dad, I know.” I bowed my head so he won’t see my tears falling.

“C’mon dinner’s ready. I went here because your mom asked me to call you.”

He stood up and I did exactly the same but I turned my back at him to hide my face full of tears now.

“Yeah, dad I’ll go down in a sec. I’ll just fix some things here then I’ll go down.” I gave him my cheery voice so he won’t be suspicious of my actions.

“Okay, we’ll wait for you,” and I nodded. That’s one thing I like about dad, he knows when to ask and when to just let me be.

I washed my face to erase any traces of tears on my face. As I reached the dining room there was a cake on the table, and dad and mom were holding hands and they were beaming at each other.

“Hey lovey doves, what’s the occasion?” mom just gave me a small smile.

“Tell her love,” said dad but mom gave her a knowing look, “Okay, then I’ll be the one to spill the good news.” Dad seems really excited about this. Haven’t seen him like this for a long time.

“C’mon, dad just spill the beans. You’re being a cliff hanger.” His smile grew wider and his thumb caress mom’s hand.

“Your mommy’s pregnant!”