The useless protagonist (1)

Though I am many things, crazy is not a description I would choose for myself. If all of this was just the result of my brain malfunctioning then so be it, but I am not the one who is going to make that judgement.

That decision is always done from the outside not from the inside anyway. If all of this is just a fucked vision, then I do not see a reason for me to see it as such. It is easy to see such suspicion and treat everything as if it does not matter, but I would rather live my life here to the fullest without sealing my fate.

I would rather watch myself struggling and seeking an implausible answer, than just accepting this as the truth. This is the last consequence I could take and as such I will treat it. I desire to know the truth, but without definitive proof, I will always remain the last resort.

The pursuit of knowledge never stops, that is why I would explore everything before I make a stop for myself. This is by any means not something I would call utterly profound or groundbreaking.

It might seem detrimental to the goal I have set for myself or could be called an act of cowardice, I am well aware of that. I have always been a hypocrite and I have no plans on changing. I want to do all of this with a clear conscience, nothing more and nothing less.

I am not some kind of never seen prodigy, I am not a genius of a generation, in fact, I would call myself rather average in many aspects. While I might excel in some parts, it had never been enough, that I would call myself special.

Certainly, there was a time I thought myself as such, but I have been humbled by now. I would be lying to myself if I dared to make such a boisterous claim. Would not be the first time and, knowing myself, not the last time, but I would like to keep these kinds of lies to an absolute minimum.

Which is why I settled for a clean conscience, I know myself too well to strive for anything higher or nobler. It would just be too unrealistic to aim for something else.

I know that you still do not understand a single word I just thought, but the intent behind them should suffice to tell you, that I do intend to cooperate. Why anyone would want to cooperate with me, is beyond me, as I could not think of any reason big enough to warrant it.

Since you do not understand a single word I just said, you will most likely interpret that as me being worried or downcast, which is fine either way. Complaining about such a gift would be ungrateful. Such an offer can not be declined.

Because whoever or whatever granted me this scale has the means to achieve such a feature. There is no reason that can convince me more. Since they do not seem opposed to my existence, I would be a fool to deny their help.

Despite this power not being something I truly could call my own, I was more than happy to receive it. Especially because my future seemed to require this sort of power Which means that interesting times are sure to come.

I could not ask for more in that regard. The only complain I really have is the lack of actual explanation on how to use this power I was presented with. A light show was unfortunately not enough for me to understand the finer nuances on the scale.

Truth be told, my little act had been a bluff to see whether there truly was someone behind it. There had never been any sort of movement that could have indicated the involvement of someone else. It had been nothing more than pure speculation from my side.

As long as It seemed convincing enough, that I knew that something was behind all of it, I could have said literally anything. Confidence is key, I guess. Though I have to believe myself beforehand. which is the actual hard part.

I had nothing more than a hunch to go after, though everything was preferable to enduring the combination of voice and flickering lights for one second longer than necessary. The worst that could have happened was having to keep on being tortured.

In the end, it all worked in my favour, so I guess following my suspicions has proven to be the correct choice for once. Another way of lights caused me to have flashbacks to the event I thought I had managed to escape from.

You have only yourself to blame, you fell for my ruse, so do not be so sore. and come to terms with it. If we let our emotions take over, we will never achieve anything. This dispute knows no winners or losers, at most we are both going to lose.

Missing out on such much based on emotions is something we both would come to regret. I am sorry if my behaviour has caused some misgivings between the two of us. Can we let bygones be bygones and start anew?

I know a human-like me should know its place, but I think, that a relationship can not be based on my subordination. It is not going to work out and that is a promise. I am not lying through my teeth right now, my apology might be a bit exaggerated at times, but the message at the core is the same.

Let us work together and not work against one another. The results will prove, that today's decision will not be the wrong one. As long as you will help me that is. Should you refuse to see my goodwill and insist on being stubborn, then our cooperation will never bear any fruition and all of this will have been for nought.

At times this feels like I am dealing with a small entitled brat. Having to sugarcoat something, has never been my style. If you have a problem with me, say it to my face, nothing will get better if you talk behind my back.

It is so much easier if everyone is upfront with their needs and there is no need to second-guess every action. Alas, my current partner seems to be the exact opposite type. I would be fine with it if it did not try to sabotage me.

My feelings and the cooperation aside I needed to find out how exactly I supposed to work with this kind of scale.

Place a sword on the right side, place bravery on the right side, place something on the right side. The language itself does not work as the scale most likely does not understand a single task I had just given to it.

Should I rather imagine concepts, that this scale might be able to understand? Since concepts are pretty much universal I should be able to least be able to converse with that in such a fashion. Words are nothing more than associations either way.

I doubt that thinking of something highly advanced would do me any good, so, for the time being, I will imagine something very ordinary, that can be found at every corner. A small rock should suffice, as it certainly exists even in this world.

The mere process could be called boring, imagining a roundish shape and add a brownish colour on top of it and voila you have a rock. But sadly even this strategy did not work and nothing happened.

The scale would not expect me to know all about such objects down to their molecular level right? Do not be ridiculous, as if the atoms are of any relevance here. They would never even think about stuff like that if they are capable of using magic.

So knowing that these Gods have a hard-on for prayers, should I just wish for something to appear on either side? But how is that supposed to work out for me, if they can understand my words? They might feel the sincerity behind it, but nothing more.

Should I try to combine my prayer while thinking about the object in question, that I want to receive? How should I even know whom to address? Most Gods would certainly not like to be addressed with anything other than their name,

Expecting something like this after choosing me, seems more than stupid. No one in the right mind would expect me to direct a prayer at them. Though my definition of right mind might not be that applicable to in this world.

I should return to the more feasible options. Since it is about balance, might it be related to an equivalent exchange? Can I sacrifice something to gain something in return? How should I approach this?

I will give you one minute of my life, what are you willing to exchange it for? No response again, it seems like this is not the right approach either. I should avoid any methods that do use language. So what other ideas are there to indicate any sort of meaning.

I could point at different objects or my surroundings to make them the focus, gestures could also help in order to convey a meaning. I could draw pictures or actually write something down if it is related to the spoken word which can not be understood. Reenacting stuff in a play seems to be too hard to pull off as well. Finding a translator might also be a solution.

First and foremost it was hard for me to point and objects I truly want, as my vision is still impaired. But it still would not hurt to try out. So, let's see what happens if I casually point my fingers in any direction.

Just as usual nothing happened. In order to make sure that this did not work, I will have to point in all directions for quite some time. This should confirm whether or not it truly works or is just another useless approach.

I lost track how many times I lifted my finger into a random direction but it all ended with nothing changing. It might have been related to nothing being in my surroundings for that very reason I took my finger and pointed it straight down at the ground I was standing on.

After all, there had to be something to I could stand on otherwise I would have a lot of different questions and concerns. Despite this logical conclusion, the scale in front of my mind remained as it is and I could finally deduce that this method was not the right one.

Which gestures could I use, in order to make my wish clear? Sign language does not work in my current situation. I need something easy to understand and it should not require any cultural knowledge.

For example, giving someone the middle finger is a gesture which is universally known for us humans, yet no one will understand it in another world. For them, it might just mean something entirely different.

It might be a good choice to combine several gestures in order to create a meaning someone can understand. So, if I were to flex my arm muscles, then it might appear as if I am making myself look strong. Combine this with pointing and your muscles and then I could try to signalize that I want strength.

As a man of my thoughts, I did just that and hold that pose for a very long time, before having to admit, that this also did not work as I had imagined it to. I tried several other gestures, I made a chewing motion while rubbing my belly, I swallowed while pointing at my throat to indicate thirst but all of it was to no avail.

There has to be some method, that is intended fo me. All of these characters who gain a special power, always seem to instinctively know how to operate it, but I am here, trying everything out that comes into my mind and yet that damn thing remains unmoving.

In a way that things reminds me of myself, headstrong and never heeding the words of others, there was only my perspective, the only one I accepted for myself. Has my approach always been wrong?

I should not try to indicate what I want as if I was in a position to state demands, maybe this scale or however is behind is decides whenever it deems me worthwhile. When the useless protagonist and owner of the scale had finally grown up and shown his qualities.

Then let me show you one of my qualities, I do not plan on giving up to get a message across. I will not let you define my worth, as if I am a monkey dancing for your entertainment only. If that is what you expect from me, then you will end up disappointed.

I am not one of those magicians that dance happily to your tune. I neither believe in the concept of a god nor do I worship anything. Every little fortune in this world has to be grasped by one's own hand, that is my creed.

I have never expected to be treated differently, I never felt like I had any right to. I realize more and more that I should have never bowed my head to others to appease their frail egos. Because they had no right to expect that from me.

It is quite a simple way to view the world, but I think that nobody is going to pay you any respect when you can not even respect yourself. Therefore I am sorry, but I am not going to change myself just to fit in with your expectations.

Such a change of character might seem strange for someone like me who changes his persona whenever needed, but I guess I will have to start somewhere.

What a beautiful train of thought, it was a beautiful declaration of independence. I am still willing to discard that stance if it serves any purpose, but I do not think, that I will be required to actually do so all too soon.

I am not bound by my words, which makes us human so very treacherous beings. As for finding a method of communication with the scale, I was not particularly worried. I would just have to try and keep on thinking about it and sooner or later I would get results. I will meet this scale's requirements even if its the last thing I will do.

The scale still seemed unperturbed by anything I did, but my ambition would not stop due to the lack of results, I would just draw more motivation out of it. If I had learned one thing, then it could only be called a true defeat once I would give up on trying.

Once I got obsessed with something, it is too late to back down. Any kind of rationale in that regard is going to be disregarded.

What can a human being do with the power of balance, I can hardly wait to find out.