011. Sorrows, Sorrows, Prayers [3]

Special mass release for the novel's launch, 11/20.

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MIA

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"Ugh, sorry. I didn't mean… I… fuck, yes, I did mean it, okay?" I sighed, anxious with how she was still staring at me. "You all make me uncomfortable. You are all so happy, so easygoing, so cool headed, so without any worries and living in the moment, and extroverted… I don't blend in. At least I had papa before and zia Sasha, they were the ones who understood me. I'm alone on this now."

Why aren't she saying anything?

"Nonna," I groaned anxiously, "say something. You're freaking me out." But she just got up, walked to me and gave me a breathtaking hug. After a second in pure shock, I hugged her back. I hugged her tight like I haven't done in ages, and I couldn't help but to break in her embrace and water her shoulders with my tears again.

Even after I stopped crying, she kept holding me, and I felt grounded. "I'm sorry, mia belle. I'm sorry you went through all this, all this trauma, all this loss. I'm sorry that you were far away from us, that you didn't have us when you most needed. But please, don't push us away, mia belle. We love you profoundly, even if you are different from us, you our principessa, mia belle. We missed you and your snarky smartass remarks and your overwhelming competitiveness more than you can imagine."

Did they though?

"You didn't have just your papa, mia belle, you have a big famiglia here that loves you. Me, nonno, the Campobello nonni, your godfather Ricco who will be your step papa is two weeks, mama, your siblings, the Campobello kids, all of them. We all love you, and you can lean on you, you can count on us. Us Italians stick together no matter what, famiglia to us comes first than anything, and you are our tesoro, mia belle," she kissed my cheekbones and then the top of my hair.

"I didn't meant to hurt you, nonna," I whispered guilty.

"You are hurt, mia belle, it's okay. We get it. We don't you want to force yourself, we just want what's best for you. We want to see you feeling more like yourself, instead of tying yourself to those heart-wrenching feelings. You've been too strong when you should have leaned on us, mia belle, because that's what a famiglia is for," she caressed my cheeks softly. "Besides, we need you here, mia belle. Your mama needs you, you're her youngest daughter, and it's been eight years since you've been living most of the year in another country away from her."

I bit my bottom lip, not having anything to say to that.

"And right now, in this moment, she needs you. Can you help on that?"

So, that's what she really came here for. "How?"

"Stay with us in these next two weeks, like the old times, before you left us, your mama, and your siblings behind, at 12, to go to MIT. Focus on us for now, until after the marriage, can you do that? Your siblings miss their little sister, we miss our little smartass granddaughter, the Campobello kids miss their friend, Ricco miss his goddaughter, and more than anything, your mama miss her daughter. It's her marriage, mia belle, she's been anxious about many things, you know her."

Of course, I do. I got my damned anxiety from her. Thanks, mama.

"Can you be present, mia belle? From today onwards? Can we count on you? You don't need to fake smiles, or fake anything, just be there, be with us. We don't want you isolating yourself in this room, no matter how big and amazing your room is," then she grabbed my chin and made me look up to her. "And don't you dare to even touch any work while you're here. Enough of that."

Ugh, this is annoying. Sigh, "I'll try."

She narrowed her eyes, "I want a yes, not a maybe. Promise me."

I pressed my lips together, naughtily, "I prom."

"What the fuck is a prom?"

"Half a promise," I joked and she slapped my shoulders. "Bene, bene, nonna." I couldn't help chuckling. "Your hand is heavy, nonna, I'm fragile."

"Fragile my arse, Mia. You can lift a grown man in each arm, don't give me that half arse excuse," she pinched my nose and I pouted. "And don't pout at me, it won't work. Give me a full promise, mia belle."

Sigh, "Ay, alright, nonna. I'll be present. Can I always bring a book?"

She gasped, "I said no work, mia belle!"

"It's not work, it's enjoyment, nonna," I winked, feeling better than I did in a long time after crying and hugging her. "If I take a book, I'll always be there."

Nonna sucked on her cheeks, trying not to bend, but when I stared up at her with my head high and my snub nose up, unbending, knowing how stubborn I am, she cursed, "Fine. But you better not spend all the time reading those damn books, or I'll burn them. And you know I will do it. Understood?"

Better than nothing. "Of course."

"And no phone, ipad, tablet, computer, laptop, headphones, or ear pods!"

My eyes widened, "But nonna-"

"No buts, Zoe Maud," ouch. "No one is allowed to do that, you won't be breaking the rules. You may be 20 now, mia belle, but the one who commands the Santorini famiglia is me and your nonno. The Campobello have the same rules. No technology when together."

I swallowed, "But-"

"No buts," she silenced me. "Dinner is at 9. You better be down there and do not come in pajamas, let's be civil, okay, mia belle? Let's have some class. You can put your pajamas on when you're back in your room."

Sigh, "Yes, nonna," not like I have a choice.

"I love you, mia belle," she held my face softly by my cheeks.

"I love you too, nonna."

"I know you do," then she kissed my forehead again and went to the door.

"I'm going out now, but you better start getting ready. I want you there 9 o'clock. No more, no less. Do not disappoint me."

That made me scoff, "You're talking to me, nonna. I never disappoint."

"That's the mia belle I've been missing," winking, she left, closing the door behind her, which I quickly locked.

After minute, I groaned, "Fuck. I don't want to see anyone, but so be it."