Seventeen

An hour and a half later, Zazriel was sweating and going to the lake to cup some water to her lips when the hairs on her neck rose in warning. She didn't pause her actions though, only stained her ears to listen for anything amiss.

A snap of a branch. The rustling of leaves even though there was no wind. Zazriel sat beside the lake and breathed deep. She wasn't afraid, but she was exhausted. She thought about calling Mourgent, but hesitated. She felt herself go rigid as she thought about what he could possibly be doing. Was he hunting?

Cursing herself, she slid her hand into the neck of her shirt and found the whistle. What if he was with Eva? Of course, she knew what he had said the previous night, but what if he lied?

A growl snapped her into reality and Zazriel made up her mind. She blew the whistle. If he came back looking like he had just tussled around, then she'd know. It would be the last time she'd trust him. It would-

A menacing growl came from her left and she nearly jumped at the sound. She saw him, a black wolf larger than any she had ever seen. He had blood splattered in his fur and on his teeth. Zazriel widened her eyes, but felt her heart calm in relief. He had been hunting, had been telling the truth.

From behind her, there was a scrabble of paws as her stalker hurried to get away. Mourgent lunged and took off in that direction. Zazriel spun to see, but Mourgent gave a howl. He came back looking beyond pissed. But when his eyes came to rest on her, he blinked and relaxed.

Zazriel let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding, then raised her arms, asking for his comfort.

Mourgent was pleased by her need of his closeness. He didn't hesitate to walk over and sit beside her, letting her wrap her arms about his body, her face buried in his chest fur. He rested his own head on hers, closing his eyes as he reassured himself she was there and safe. He breathed in her scent and calmed his racing heart.

He had just taken down a small doe when heard a sound he hadn't heard before in his life. It wasn't the sound of any animal he knew of. It had stilled him until he realized it was Zazriel calling for help. So, he left his kill and ran to her, scared and panicked she was hurt.

Now, she trembled, not crying, but he knew she was close. He shifted his weight and whined, wanting her to look up. She did, and he saw confusion and something akin to fear there in her eyes. He gave an affectionate lick on her nose and nuzzled her chin. He wished he could communicate with her. He saw her hugging herself now, as if embarrassed, and he gave a low growl. Zazriel snapped her eyes to him, surprised.

He pawed her clothes, trying to tell her what he wanted. She leaned away, using her hands to push him away. "Stop!" she croaked.

Mourgent laid one paw on her thigh, then waited.

She glanced from him to his paw. "What?"

He wanted to groan, but stood and began to walk away. He paused at her gasp, and looked back at her. Hurt filled her eyes. Mentally, he cursed and hurried to go find his stash of clothes to shift.

When he returned a few minutes later, Zazriel was crying.

"Zazriel," he said softly. Walking up, he knelt beside her. "Why are you crying?"

She glanced up with red eyes. "You left."

He sighed and sat down fully. He brought her into his lap. "I tried to tell you, but you didn't figure it out. I just went to shift. I can't communicate with you as wolf."

She sniffled. "Oh."

He tightened his arms and rested his chin on her head. "I'm not going to leave you, Z. I'm here."

This seemed to satisfy her and she snuggled into his embrace, calming. Mourgent continued to hold her as he didn't know if he could leave her side ever again. He was too scared. He was too worried.

"I'm sorry," she whispered some time later.

"Don't apooogize. I want you to call me if you need something. I don't care what it is. I will come."

He felt her nose nuzzle his chest. "Not for that. For not figuring out what you wanted and then thinking the worst."

"We do need to figure out how to get you to link with others," he murmured.

"I just can't."

"We will figure out a way so you can."

Zazriel lifted her head and looked up at him. He met her eyes and caught a hint of a smile on her lips. "And if we don't?"

Mourgent bent his head and lightly kissed her nose. "Then, as we have been, we'll find other ways."

Zazriel buried her face in his neck, rubbing her nose against his skin. "Can we go home?"

He stiffened. "Home?"

She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. "I don't really want to get cold and wet. And I want to have a nice place to sleep and rest." She paused, as if deciding to say something or not, but she finally did. "And, because I'm ready to go home to your house and try to be normal."

Mourgent breathed in a sigh of relief and joy. "Are you sure?" He wasn't about to do this only for her to find something to make her retreat again.

Zazriel nodded. "Please? If only to have a warm bath?"

He chuckled. Kissing her head, he said, "We can go home."

And so, they both shifted into their wolves and raced home, making it by dark. Zazriel, upon seeing Mourgent's house, yipped and sped up, going straight to the front door and hopping up and down like an excited pup. Mourgent himself was enjoying himself as he watched her, happy to know her claims about wanting to be in his house weren't forced. He found a hiding spot and shifted, dressed then went back to his mate. He saw her sitting quietly by the door, looking around with bright eyes. He stepped up and opened the door, turning on the lights. He felt her brush against his leg as she passed by, going to the hall towards her room.

Mourgent went directly to the kitchen and started making a simple dish of eggs and bacon with toast. He listened intently as the shower turned on, then waited for ten minutes before it turned off. He continued to listen for any signs of distress or if she fell: not that it would be a hard fall since she uses her hands to walk. But he didn't want her hurt. He didn't want her to be in anymore pain than she already had. He didn't want to cause her more pain.

After another few minutes, he heard her making her way towards him. He got two plates and fished out some food, then grabbed two glasses and poured some orange juice in each. She was at the table when he carried everything over and set them down. "Feel better?" he asked as he sat down.

She smiled and kept her eyes averted. "Much better."

Mourgent stared at her, seeing the blush on her cheeks, the way she kept her attention on her food, and how she was slow at taking her first bite. He wanted to ask why she was acting weird, but stopped himself. Instead, he began to eat too.

When they were both finished, Zazriel put her chin in her hand and asked, "Can I help with the Feast preparations?"

He blinked. "If you want. I don't mind. You aren't bound to be idle just because you're my mate."

"Even though you don't want me to do anything that could mean I get hurt?"

Mourgent said nothing. He didn't want to upset her. He also didn't want to lie to her by denying her claim. He felt trapped by her question, and wanted to make excuses for himself.

Zazriel grinned. "It's okay Mourgent. I won't be one of those females who goes on a rampage because her mate is protective."

"But-"

Her grin turned into a genuine smile. "I know." She reached out her hand, and he took it. "I know I said I didn't want or need protecting. And in my opinion, I don't."

He stiffened, ready for her to shoot him down with insults and harsh words.

But she said, "I'm trying, Mourgent. I'm trying to be a mate. When you came today, I realized that I hadn't given you a fair shot when we first met. Now, I will let you be who you are as my mate."

He swallowed a lump in his throat. "Are you able to put that trust in me?"

She squeezed his hand. "Now that I've started, yes." She looked down at her empty plate and stayed quiet for a while. When she spoke, her voice was full of emotion. "I was scared, Mourgent. I still am. But I don't want to be alone."

He couldn't take it anymore. Standing, he went over and lifted her into his arms, letting her cry into his chest. He carried her upstairs and into her room, where he sat down on the bed and held her into the night. He didn't know what else to do, but she didn't seem to mind as she snuggled tighter into him and kept a strong grip around his neck.

When she fell asleep, he laid her down and covered her. He wouldn't scare her. Never again. So, he kissed her head and untangled her arms from around him as gently as he could.

She whimpered and woke. "Don't go, please?"

"I don't want to scare you, Zazriel. I will sleep in my own room."

Immediately, she frowned, he could almost sense the thoughts in her head.

Sitting beside her, he moved some hair from her face. "I will stay, Z. But I'll sleep in the chair."

Her frown deepened. She was silent a long time as he stroked her beautiful hair. "You won't leave?"

"I will stay," he promised.

"Until I wake?"

He gave her a smile. "Even if you sleep for days, I will stay."

With that, she closed her eyes and fell back to sleep. Mourgent waited to make sure she was not going to wake if he moved, then found a blanket and sat down in the chair nearby and eventually found sleep.

Zazriel woke to a sound unfamiliar to her. Someone was snoring. She opened her eyes and saw Mourgent in the chair, his head tipped back so his neck strained. She winced. Remembering his promise to her, she smiled. She sat up and got down off the bed to the floor, and made her way to the bathroom.

When she returned to the bedroom, Mourgent was still snoring. She went over and tried and failed to lift herself up to his lap so she could kiss him. She only made it a foot off the ground when she fell back.

Mourgent snorted and woke. She groaned, knowing she'd have a bruise on her backside from her fall. It hurt like a-

"Z!" Mourgent got down and knelt before her, hands cupping her face. "Are you okay? What happened?"

She scowled at the floor. "I fell," she said irritably.

Mourgent picked her up and took her to the bed. "Where are you hurt?"

For a moment, she was shocked at his fast movements, but then, she went wide-eyed with horror. "You're not going to look, are you?"

"Where are you hurt?" he asked again.

She leaned away from him. "It's just my butt."

He didn't move for a moment, staring intensely at her. She began to get anxious, but then he said, "Do you want Matilda to look? She can come over quickly."

Zazriel relaxed. "I am fine, Mourgent. I was being stupid."

She saw the curiosity in his eyes, but he asked nothing. "I'm going to dress. Are you sure you're okay?"

Zazriel opened her mouth to tell him what she wanted, then shut it. She felt stupid for wanting it in the first place, for wanting to ask.

"Zazriel, if you need something, don't hide it from me. I won't deny you."

She shook her head. "No. I just- It's petty."

A hand went and cupped her face, making her look up into grey eyes that held so much emotion, she felt unworthy. "Tell me," he coaxed gently.

She looked away again. In a shaky voice, she hissed, "I was trying to kiss you when I hurt myself. I wanted a kiss. It's stupid!"

She felt her face turn warm at her confession as she continued to look away from him.

"Look at me, Z."

"I can't."

"Why not?" She shook her head. "A kiss isn't stupid. It's normal."

She squeezed her eyes shut. "Not for me"

"What if I told you I want the same?"

She slowly opened them again and saw Mourgent giving her a small smile. It wasn't mocking or teasing. It was adoring, if she read it right. "You do?"

He nodded. "I always want a kiss from you, Zazriel. I always want you close. I always want to hold you. But I want you to be okay with it."

"I want a kiss," she whispered. "Please?"

His smile widened. "Let's do this, Z?" He went over and sat beside her, taking both her hands. "If you want a kiss, all you have to do is look at me and mouth the word. I will come. I don't care where we are or who were with. If you want anything, make eye contact with me and mouth the word."

"I don't want to-"

He put a finger to her lips to stop her protest. "Anywhere and any time, Z. Night or day. Rain or shine. I will give you anything."

She fluttered her lashes to keep the tears at bay. "Now?"

He leaned in and touched his lips to hers. He was gentle and slow, making her stomach go crazy as her brain went blank with pleasure. She wanted more, wanted to do this forever. She didn't want him to stop.

But he did, pulling back and she nearly whimpered. Zazriel didn't let her emotions show as she looked down, tears in her eyes.

But she hadn't hidden them well enough because Mourgent said, "Someone is knocking. Give me a few minutes to see what's up, and we can continue exploring this, okay?"

Her heart fluttered. She finally looked up at him and nodded, a smile on her lips.

He smiled back and leaned in once more. She went to kiss him, but he stopped her. She frowned. Mourgent moved his mouth to her ear and said, "If you're up for it, we can go deeper." He kissed her ear and stood, leaving the room and her. She felt both excited and nervous. Then, her face warmed and she hurried to get dressed and brush her hair.

When she was done, she left the room and went down the hall. She made it to the living room when she heard, "…is dead. Found them this morning."

Her heart sank.