CHAPTER 12 - START OVER

Four days. It's been four days since I last saw Eugene. It was as though he had suddenly disappeared from this freaking planet. Nobody knew where he went, no matter who I asked. He claimed to have some pressing matters at home and left without specifying an approximate date of return. And frustration would be an insult to describe how I feel right now. Is this how rejection feels? I was so used to ignoring people that I had forgotten what it was like to be ignored. And even when my ex-boyfriends ended things with me, I was indifferent and didn't feel half as furious as I do now.On the fourth day, I became so irritated that I began yelling at random individuals to vent some of my rage.

"Perhaps you should get some rest."

Nathaniel had suggested it after spotting me scribbling so hard on the paper that it almost tore. I was aware that I might be acting immaturely and that I had never allowed my personal sentiments to interfere with my career before. But this time, I felt far stronger emotions driving me. Eugene has struck a chord deep within me that I did not know existed.

I have never felt so ashamed of myself after I acquired Eugene's phone number from one of his colleagues while making a pathetic excuse. I didn't want to approach Carla since I was frightened she would figure out what was going on. She was far too astute when it came to these kinds of issues.

I was currently sitting alone behind the production team's tent, my gaze fixed on my phone's screen, which revealed Eugene's contact list. I saved his name as 'Pain in the Ass' since that was exactly how he was acting right now. He could have simply rejected me personally. Why did he have to make me seem horrible by going incognito? It was making me feel unbelievably bad.

"Don't tell me you don't have the report."

Someone shouted from within the tent, and I moaned in exhaustion. Should I call him? Will he think I am desperate? Of course he would, given that I was behaving like a sex-deprived lunatic.

"Call Eugene right now. He must have a copy."

My ears perked up as I heard his name, and I leaned back, shamelessly listening in on the discussion amongst his crew members.

"But he is on leave."

Someone responded meekly; however, the other guy was not swayed.

"I don't care. I have a report due today. Call him. Tell him to hurry. It's his punishment for having such lousy teammates."

I listened as someone answered yes, and I swear I really wasn't breathing while I waited for the girl's reply, which took about three minutes.

"I have told him. He said he would be back before noon with the extra copy."

I heard a "yes," followed by a chuckle, and was flabbergasted to discover that it had come from my throat. I slapped my palm over my mouth, hoping that my little display of madness did not alert anyone inside. I felt my lips once I was sure I was undetected, and they were so wide they hurt my cheeks.

Shit!

Shit, this was a big problem.

.......

I was back to my normal self for the remainder of the morning, and Nathaniel looked relieved that I was smiling once more. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I made a promise to myself that I would try to avoid combining my personal and professional lives in the future. I kept looking at the time and thought it was taking fifteen minutes for each second to pass. I understand that it sounds absurd, yet none of my recent actions made sense.

Finally, when it was time for lunch, I was tempted to practically dash to the production team's tent. However, I restrained myself from becoming too needy. I have always had a tight grasp on my conduct, and even though I am losing it, I am not going to give it up altogether.

I played idly with my food as Carla spoke incessantly about their upcoming one-month anniversary, and I was grateful for the distraction. If it hadn't been for her, I might have wound up in their tent or wandering around hunting for him. Perhaps he left after delivering the report. Yes, that was possible.

"Eugene, my man, I thought you were dead."

I froze when I heard his name. I had been dying to see him for the past three days, but now that he was here, I was terrified to confront him. What if he ignores me? Even though I was reacting like an idiot, I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes.

"In your dreams, Carla."

His voice had that typical cheerful tone, and as I heard him, my heart leapt into my throat. Is this how you feel when you miss someone? Have I ever missed a stranger like this before? Nope. Never in my whole life.

I was still staring at the plate as he emerged from behind, his black jeans now visible. I fought the impulse to inhale his cologne, which I had no idea was imprinted in my head. God, I was becoming ridiculous.

"Where have you been?"

Carla posed the question I was dying to know the answer to, but all I could do was stab the poor broccoli with my disposable fork.

"Family matters."

He just said it cordially without further explanation and chose a seat next to mine. Though I wasn't looking at him, I could feel his gaze on me, and I prayed that I wasn't blushing for the sake of my already bruised ego. My skin color was light brown, so it wasn't normally evident when I faintly blushed, but I was positive it would show soon.

"Ma'am, you need to change your costume."

My stomach sank once more as I overheard Brenda call Carla. We were going to be by ourselves, and I still haven't gathered my thoughts.

"I'll see you later, babies."

She addressed both of us, and I mumbled a goodbye in response. There was a brief moment of stillness between us before he passed me a file.

"This is the shoot report from last week."

Seriously? Was he here for work? I have never felt so humiliated in my life. I squinted at the file as if it were poison, then back to him. I must have looked really angry as he squirmed visibly, and there was guilt in his eyes.

Family matters, my ass!

"You are avoiding me."

It wasn't a suggestion or a question, and he seemed surprised that I got right to the subject without any preface. He diverted his attention from mine and began tapping his finger on the armrest.

"What? No. I had some family affairs to attend to..."

"Oh, please cut the crap. We both know it's lies."

And he stopped. He was looking everywhere else but me, and it infuriated me so much.

"Do you have someone you like?"

He shook his head, and I believe he was being truthful.

"Do you hate me?"

This was a question I dreaded, and I held my breath as his eyes widened.

"No. I like you. As a friend."

That friend part really irked me, and I bit my lower lip to keep from making an unwise comment.

"Look, I am used to people asking for work-related help. However, this is the first time someone has wanted me to sleep with them. Consider how you would react if I asked you the same question."

"I would have slapped you."

I said it so flatly that he stared at me for a second as if I were insane.

"See!!"

He exclaimed, all the while waving his hands around helplessly.

"Then slap me for heaven's sake, Eugene. You literally ghosted me without any reply. I told you to say no. A simple no."

I suddenly remembered what he had said. He was unaccustomed to saying no. He was a people-pleaser. And I felt terrible. I felt so awful that if I hadn't been alone, I would have punched myself. I groaned exasperatedly and rubbed my forehead.

"I am sorry."

His voice was gentle and full of remorse, even though it should have been me apologizing. I wanted to say sorry to him and ask him to forget what I had said, but I couldn't. I wanted him. I needed him so much that I allowed myself to be selfish for once. I desired him more than anything else. I wanted to embrace him tight now that he was looking at me with those puppy-dog eyes.

"You are really playing with my head, dude."

I grumbled, still unsure of what to do next.

"I am sorry."

I looked at him dead in the eyes.

"Apologize again, and I might kiss you right here."

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat while his eyes expanded like two saucers.

"I am sorry... I mean... Shit!"

I couldn't help but burst out laughing as he slammed his hand on his lips.

"You really are driving me crazy."

I kept a smirk on my face as he squirmed nervously in front of my hungry gaze.

"We will do one thing. Let's start over."

He stayed silent for a short moment before visibly relaxing.

"Good idea. Let us both forget about it."

I shook my head, realizing how naïve he was.

"Not in the slightest. That day, I was too daring with you. I should not have jumped in and asked you to sleep with me. So I'll take it one step at a time. Let us begin with the very first stage."

"Huh?"

I couldn't blame him for being somewhat baffled by my statements. Shit, even I was perplexed as well, but there is no turning back now.

"I, River Alecia Landon, am going to seduce you, Mr. Eugene Sam Miguel."

"Huh?"

........