Starry Night
Looking up at the night sky always leaves me feeling something indescribable, perhaps the sheer beauty of the stars leaves me humbled, or perhaps it's the simple grandeur of the universe that drives me to my knees.
Though I'd argue the stars up above speak something more sinister, I'd say they make you see how truly stupid and redundant everything is, they make you see how worthless you really are.
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These were the thoughts that were passing through the mind of a lone watcher staring into the gentle nights sky. The darkness that surrounds those gentle pearls leaves one senseless, speechless, it's a fog that consumes all but those that shine.
One could easily feel consumed when directing their gaze up above, but for our lone watcher, they were the only thing that gave him any sense of self-worth.
Much like the dark fog that devoured those stars, he often came here to get immersed in the scenery, it was a hobby of his that allowed him to get away from the worries of life.
Laying still on the soft grass, now slightly moist from an earlier watering, left the lone watcher feeling a strange sense of comfort.
The cold wetness from the grass grew into a comforting warmth as the wet grass became hotter from his natural body heat. It was like a gentle hug that sucked him whole, he felt a fogginess overcome him which quickly turned into extreme fatigue.
The soft and gentle winds swaying the nearby trees left him feeling even more comfortable. Normally one would find the chill of these late-night winds all too uncomfortable, but for our friend, they only served to add to the gentle warmth.
A gentle wind kicked some nearby leaves into the air, the gentle rustling of these now uplifted leaves lulled the stranger into a deeper sense of comfort, he knew all too well if he got too comfortable he would very well fall asleep.
Coming to this spot took him back to when he was younger, during a warm day during spring he used to lay out in the sun much like now. He strongly remembered the warmth that covered him like a blanket, one that never left him feeling uncomfortable.
A similar feeling now coated him.
But it couldn't make him forget the sheer coldness that awaited him back home.
He was happy his parents hadn't died, as others often did these days, but at this point, he kind of wished for it.
It wasn't like they treated him bad or anything, they just didn't treat him like anything at all really.
He was just a simple stranger to his own family. Naturally, this coldness he was treated with brewed an equally cold person.
He didn't have any friends or any lovers for that matter, hell he didn't even have a true hobby to pass the time.
But it wasn't all that bad, because he was a stranger to everyone he met he lived a life of moderate comfort. He wasn't ever treated badly, and he didn't have to worry about social engagements, he could just simply live.
That being said, it wasn't like he didn't truly like living this way, as his teacher had taught him the other day, 'he was simply a product of his enviroment'. He just simply lived this way, because that's what he knew, that's what he was taught.
But truthfully, he was getting old of this, turning on his side while using his arm as a pillow to rest on, the stranger turned to face a tree.
He wanted more, he wanted to do more, he wanted to become more. But how could he?
This was what truly brought him here tonight.
He wanted to find out how.
But of course, he couldn't think of anything that would allow him to do so.
Turning his body over to the other side, now feeling a suffocating pain coming from his throat, he thought of what he was going to do with his life. The deep feeling of suffocation only proceeded to get worse with time, making it hard to even swallow.
( I don't know if you guys have ever experienced that pain, but it's anxiety, more specifically, anxiety so strong that it makes it hard to breathe or swallow )
Alas, nothing came to him yet again, his gaze locked onto a falling leaf, it was falling so calmly, it gave him an eery sense of dread. The leaf made him realize he'd never be that free.
Having enough of the uncomfortable feeling the stranger sat up in hopes to ease the pain. Using his left hand as a brace the stranger held himself up, he was in a sort of half lying and half-sitting position. The blocked feeling coming from his throat subsided a little, allowing him a moment's time of breath.
Looking up to the stars the stranger only further resolved himself for his fate, he had now given up. He wanted to be destined, he wanted to be chosen for something greater. But he knew he wasn't, he knew he meant nothing.
He could only wish for a better fate, one that even now, he knew would never come. His wish was just a gentle leaf floating in the wind, never having a true end, to be afloat forever, to be lost in the sea that gave him his flight.
While the life faded from his eyes, a drop of rain landed on his face. One drop quickly became two, two turned into three. Until suddenly it started pouring hard. With no other option besides to go home, the stranger set out.
The walk home was long, he purposedly found a spot just for that reason. But today, it made the walk home unbearable. He could just barely avoid the rain by using his arm as an umbrella and by walking under the cover of the leaves.
But these tricks served little protection from the elements. He was drenched head to toe, and the rain was so thick that it was hard to see any more than 50m in front of him.
The earlier warmth from the wet grass grew into a horrible chill, it was fully replaced by an icy bath. The gentle touch from the wind soon turned into lethal daggers that stabbed him every second, their stabbing touch made the biting cold feel a whole lot colder.
The wind soon took an even further turn for the worse, it was now hitting hard like a truck. The stranger could see some smaller trees, and branches, being ripped out from whatever was holding onto them. These objects lashed out in the turbulent winds causing further chaos to what once was a calming night.
Thankfully the stranger still had a decent amount of visibility, while it was night, and the storm made it harder to see, he could still see relatively well due to the bright glow of the moon.
He could barely keep his eyes open due to the harsh winds. As if the storm had a grudge against him it struck him hard, a large branch flew directly into his face, the sharp pain made him lose concentration and slip on a muddy rock, but it wasn't over yet, his falling body turned at a weird angle and he fell down right on an exposed tree trunk. Feeling his dinner come up he struggled to breathe, the air was knocked right out of him, he could feel that he had scratched his arm pretty bad on the trunk, but even worse; he could feel a sharp pain coming from his right ankle, he knew he had hurt it even worse.
The dirt from the rainwater got into the cuts on his arms, they started to sting badly. But he could only march on in the hopes he would get home safely.
It was actually pretty hard to get up, but he managed by using the tree trunk that he landed on as leverage.
Just when he was starting to lose his breath from doing a light jog did he finally see his neighborhood in the distance. Now revitalized with newfound strength did he start running. While he was afraid of falling, making it home was more important.
He made sure to be careful with his right leg as it started to hurt worse and worse. He knew the adrenaline was quickly wearing off, he had to make the most out of it to get home safely.
Running down the streets, with an awfully awkward gait, he could finally see his now partly flooded neighborhood; this filled the stranger with pure joy.
But perhaps it wasn't meant to be, just as he saw his house in the distance; so did he spot a lone girl standing dangerously close to a flood canal. All that was preventing her from falling in was one small slip.
He instantly thought 'what the fuck is she doing?', and 'what is a little girl doing out this late?'. He heard stories of how young children died from drowning in those things, and she looked awfully young. He also recognize her as someone that lived here, which was something he was fairly confident in as he has lived here for a long time. It really made him question what this little girl was doing, he hoped the parents were around, but giving a quick look he didn't see anyone.
He stopped for a moment to consider helping her, or if he should focus on getting home, he didn't want to be out any later, and he needed to treat his foot soon.
But deep down he had a feeling that if he left her she would die: he knew from previous storms that the area around here got really slippery, and she was standing right on a notoriously slippery spot.
He remembered a couple of years back a young girl had actually drowned because of that, people insisted the city add pavement along the canal, but it never happened.
Without really thinking about it he turned away from his house and started walking toward the girl, she had her back turned and looked like she didn't understand the danger she was in. Furthermore, she was standing on her tippy toes as she was looking over the very small barrier that prevented people from falling in.
It was safe to say one small mistake would lead to her falling in, there was no doubt in his mind about that.
The stranger was really starting to feel the toll of the biting cold and the wounds he had gotten: his right ankle was hurting so bad it was impossible to put any pressure on it, effectively he was walking on one leg, how he didn't slip and fall was a mystery.
The stranger could only be puzzled at how a young girl could withstand the biting cold. But he didn't question it all that much, the girl was wearing a pretty heavy-looking coat.
Trudging forward on one foot was quite comical, but it was all he could do to reach the girl. He actually made quick work somehow and had gotten pretty close to the girl, the first thing he did when he was relatively close was to try to draw her attention, so he shouted to make her notice.
"HEY!"
"IT'S DANGEROUS TO BE THAT CLOSE! YOU NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THERE!"
His shouts didn't seem to reach the little girl unfortunately, the hard pouring rain was really loud, fuck, he could barely even hear his own voice, how could the little girl.
Just as the stranger was around 2m away from the girl he saw her lean forward, and he also saw her foothold slip.
He thought 'this is it, holy shit!'
The stranger had felt a deep sinking feeling in his stomach, he wanted to be of help to at least one person, he had to be.
He knew what he needed to do, so he lunged forward and somehow managed to catch her before she fell in, what he failed to realize though was the only thing preventing him from falling in himself was his sprained foot.
The little girl looked horrified, so he made sure to explain calmly.
"Careful now, it's dangerous over here, you need to go to your mamma and papa now, okay?"
He made sure to smile and look nice, he didn't want to scare the poor girl.
Surprisingly, the girl seemed to be able to hear him. She nodded her head as she looked away cutely.
As the stranger let go of her hand the little girl walked away, but she stopped a few steps away and said something.
The stranger couldn't hear what she said, but he could read her lips.
"thank you."
The feeling in his chest sunk deeper, he never thought he'd ever hear those words.
He smiled brightly, as he waved the girl away.
The stranger started to stand, the stranger was in a weird leaning position: as he only had one foot on the ground, which was supporting him. And that's when he felt the sharp pain coming from that one foot.
As the pain from his foot filled his mind with agony his foothold started to slip: mud was starting to form beneath his foot as he lost his grip on the ground.
The last thing he thought before he fell in was, 'Oh shit, this is it'.
He could just barely make out the little girl turning around over the small barrier before his vision fell past it.
As his vision was quickly covered with water, and as his lungs became filled with the essence of life. He could only laugh at the cosmic joke that was being pulled on him.
He laughed that he would die because of the one time he helped someone. He laughed that when he suffered no one helped. He laughed that he never got to have a friend. He laughed that he never got the chance to say goodbye. He laughed that he was never treated like anything. He laughed that the stars he once found so comforting were looking down upon him.
And as his consciousness slipped away, he could only laugh at the sheer hystericalness of it all.
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