Chapter 9
Then I send a love song to Mr. Reeve, that's my way. Longest way just make me being a gay, I don't expect this, but is not abnormal. I will be face to face in front of this world by platonic love. Because Pelesetupat that's me, the Eastern of Plato. So, that's why I falling in love with Mr. Reeve. With a gentle and charismatic situation, being me and bring me into the New Emil. So, I decide that I'm not Emil Reza Maulana anymore. I'm Emil Right Now. So, let God help us.
In 23 August 2023, my friend Paul came to my house. That's when I just awake and I still sleepy, Paul was arrived from Australia and my intuition he know with Mr. Reeve, and that's why I still typing until this days, 24 August. We talk too much about Haruki Murakami, and Paul was burning with his spirit to know about Derek Heartfield in Hear the Wind Song, first book from Haruki Murakami. Especially about quotation marks in this first texted of that's book, between this first text about criticism on the beginning part.
@
When I think about being successfully, I remember about Tjo, she's Chinese woman but not like Chinese in attitude or good mentally-structure. Even she said that she have crowded agenda since little girl, I cannot believe it all along. My intuition going to clairvoyance-ability, my clairvoyance it's has to check by sceptic and clearly. And then, that's going to be real. After first schedule when I first met Revati before this August, I know Tjo just take me and do exploitation to me. It reminds me of Sonya, but Sonya is my feeling of vengeance to any actor of criminality. Of course Tjo is a criminal, but half of it, Tjo was a player-victim. My best-friend, Kamerad, get manipulation from her.
But my mind full of my memories with Gadis Siput.
@
When the man going to success without any-wife, many ladies and women try to put temptation on his tea, with sugar was create from poisons' ingredients of her bodies. They sweat or their cologne. You know Poison Ivy from Batman Series, don't you? That's a symbol, and every-symbol it came from semiotic. And propaganda and hoax will be understood if we look by using semiotic.
Yes, indeed.
In this era with fully-hoax or look-like kind of liar issue, we could use semiotic to knowing and understanding about this phenomena; what's happen at behind of hoax or propaganda? That's why semiotic that's came from philosophy is too necessary.
However, human kind cannot lie with perfectly as I know of them, as I am an alien or maybe like alienation. I can read theirs mind, of course, but this ability for normal human have to get study harder.
@
In his life, my father was a stupid-man. Because he's stupid, he cannot explain to all of people what is he was learn on university. I smell one prejudice between him and me. My father is like James Bond without smart-brain—no, not Smart-Brain in Kamen Rider 555, of course—my father is will be killed if he really and for sure in a realistic-war, because he's not a true warrior with his coward-character and just can facing his angry to anyone who look-like weak, but in the behind of that situation, he really afraid of insect and rats.
He just brave to put his face in front of little child, that he wanted to give a break theirs body and break mentality with an iron sweeper. And the child is me and my brother with disability [I'm sorry, it have to be labeling with difability; different-ability; mutant; extra-ordinaries] and when I tell to his aunty, my grandmother, my father just said, "That's because what you did to your brother!"
Okay, but what if when my father has ever wanted to give his plate to destroy my brother face—my big brother that was neurodiversity since my brother's born? Even one of his thesis for he's university is about autism-child!
It might be he just envy that I can go to Toronto, Canada, and push me to still in Indonesia that's no one of any-university cannot admit me to be their student. And when I can go to do better in far away, it might be that my father said, "It nonsense for me. I cannot think about that. I can't get it, that's cannot eat by me."
"So you push me to still in this stupid country? You're not support me, you just hold me?"
"I'm not holding you!"
"But yes you are."
"No!"
After that, I ask my father to visit my friend coffee-shop at near of my home. It's not good to anyone if my parent has ever divorce as law being together. And we enjoy the ice-tea and fried-noodle up there. So when we go to my home, there are three my mother's friend waiting for us. One of them is one of my uncles, my mother ask me to enter my room. Tjo have ever slept in here. Now, there are many books from my mother's cousin. There are so many interesting books than my father books that he labeled "Emil's Library". Before they go, my father said to me, "Yeah, like that okay, Emil?"
I just choose to silent.
"He wanted to go to Canada," said my father to all of them, a half of show off and a half of anything else with so hypocrite attitude.
@
Message from Ayah Khalid: I will be your tutor, just enjoy and forget Canada.
From me: Okay. But you have to give me modals to make a publisher.
Ayah Khalid: Let I design the syllabus. [He doesn't respond about publisher-plan.]
From me: Let I do that.
Ayah Khalid: Okay.
@
It doesn't feel like feels or fell into the brown-mud, when I and my brother have to apart from Larasati, it's feels like I go to Bukittinggi when my grandmother still alive and when my grandmother is gone. It might be make my mental get illness, not just because of that, but there are too many reasons to get schizophrenia in my brain. Might be because the genome from my father or my mother, I don't know exactly. I go back to Agam Town that's one of the way from Bukittinggi to Payakumbuh City. Then it reminds me with a song, Jeany with the Light Brown Hair, some childhood memories. Vrindavans' Krishna and Balarama is analogical with Agam Town, when I and my autism brother play with buffalo, take a berry-fruit, running to anywhere, use block-stone to play like human in long times Before Christ Era.
My old-friend named Paul Grenda, was came to Bukittinggi again. He confuse to searching how I can wrote about the critiques at the most firstly chapter. Actually, it words really came from others, not me. Paul Grenda complain about this letters, but I still keep my optimistic mind to still write this letters, like a poems that I have ever wrote a couple years ago;
I'm not a proffesional writer
And like this a poem
Which not written by proffesional writer
@
Maybe in the future someone ask me, "Why you don't just writing on Indonesian language or, Minangkabau language?"
Then I said that no one of publisher in Indonesia keep their wisdom to knowing me, to being a low profile except self-publisher that ask author to send money to self-publisher. And this book was published with extra-ordinary and most humble publisher. And when I die, the copyrights it's must to by publisher, just only if I don't have any Emil Right Now's next generation [but Raden Kian Santang have, when he's going to called Sunan Rohmat Suci, he have a daughter named Endang Geulis, but this is without wife or anything else].
Then I show that's one how I learn make tubruk in the coffee-shop near of my home. My friend that's work here train me to make tubruk with scales-digital, grinder and hot boiled water. If grinder in ½ it's for espresso, if 4 for making tubruk as coarse-smooth. Even if I'm not beside you anymore that when I really can't be, I'll be sure you will got myself everywhere.
I'm very sleepy. Then I go to my home and sleep without any-dreams.
@
My father try to sell the collection of "Emil's Library" without permit from me, without I agree or not, without talk about this except just Ensiklopedia Islam untuk Pelajar, at the last time many Islamic-priest show off without strong-fundamentality to talk about. If I warn him in social media, he will get heartache, go to hospital and make many manipulations. If I go to his contract-home, he will bleeding because my fist like Old Shatterhand on Winnetou by Karl May, then he will laughter like evil-devil and kuntilanak or may be genderuwo because I change his place at RSJ as in the last time for a 9th months. The he bring me to ice-cream café Ganti Nan Lamo[1] and push me join him even if I dislike—even I get nausea or hate—about all of his game of adapted from The Gambler by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.
"I'm not crazy!" said my father if I talk about his life.
Yes, you're not, said me, Just a genius person will be crazy and you're just a stupid-idiot! Yes, you're not crazy, but you're psychopath and full of insanity.
@
Beside laughter when I get suffer, my father not kind as my mother. My father didn't look me as his child—it's maybe, and might be this is accurate—especially if I have long hairs in my head that's make my own self feel great, cool and enjoy this life. I know the secret of a few smartest person in this world, and they all have long hairs than mediocre people, and James Bond is idiot because his brain it focusing to doing intercourse often and often and so far with seldom, so that's old man smells like soil and preparing to buried or ngaben like bodies burning in Bali, ask to me for cuts all of my hair to being look-like Buddha or budak[2], even if he told me he's hate the slaving and slaver.
Then I never again go to my father's house. Firstly, I wouldn't to go there because my father had stroke disease but he still eat the food who not able to his eating, but when I coming back, my father was very often angry without strong-reason. So do I anger back to my father but he stopping me to anger back. How hypocrite he are. When I typing this paragraph, I light my cigarette and smoke go out from my lips and go up into my eyes. Someone was spell Koran verse near of me, I'm on Bukittinggi right now, not able to stay with my father's house anymore.
@
I was at one of coffee-shop when my mother's busy to take nurturing Mbak Yuni, as a victim of domestic abuse. However, my mother not being surrender to fight against the world of criminal, that she's firstly accept in Law Faculty at Universitas Indonesia at Jakarta that's deny by her parents and push my mother to enter Medical Faculty at Universitas Andalas in West Sumatra.
Mbak Yuni's talk as her knowing about her family, and I have ever saw when she pray to the God that's I don't know what her spell or said, because she praying in her soul. Before this, I ask her to make a pseudonym for I write about her. I don't surprise when she answer my question about her zodiac, "Virgo."
I just caught. So this is the final, I am Sagittarius. So I don't have any reason to afraid of her, because I'm not her type, so that's really I don't match with her and could be more professional as a writer in this situation. Because her zodiac is Virgo, it impossible if she was had interest of romantic love with me.
But what is going happen to Wanita Kucing? She's Virgo too. She have ever put away her veil and headscarf and went to my room at 2018, after I failed on Competition Roman of Jakarta at Taman Ismail Marzuki and take the decision to stop writing anymore. Even if after that Gadis Siput's story was publishing by my mentor in Creative Writings Class—but Gadis Siput or Deka Andriani was gone and on—and make me so happy and my parents proud of me.
When I send one of my erotic-script to Wanita Kucing on 2018th, she came without veil and headscarf, she just sleep in my room, but I don't have any guts and brave to touch her. I just play a guitar with a song Benci untuk Mencinta[3] from Naif Band. And in the morning, Wanita Kucing ask me, "Are you homosexual, Emil?"
This is 1 September 2023 right now and I heard Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day in my imaginary ears. Wanita Kucing just told us she's on sell her T-shirt design because she so need money, and I cannot do anything because I just a poor young-adult. So, that's why I choose the title is "Rice Raise Rising".
I've been writing this novel-script since 18 August, after Revati gone with her friend named Karenina, and slept in Yunda and Mr. Park house near of National Islamic University. I didn't sleep at the time, and now also like that. But I have look at the publisher since middle of sixth years ago, after I sent by my comrade to learn journalism at one of NGO of journalistic from Bantul (Yogyakarta) to Padang (West Sumatra). In one of this time I make a book that I preferred to call as After Yos Sudarso, the story between me and Deka Andriani as Gadis Siput. I feel more comfortable if this behind story of who actually Gadis Siput by non-Indonesian language. Because there are many people will know who is Gadis Siput, and I won't to disturb Deka Andriani's family even her daughter in theirs future.
[1] Minangkabau language: Change the Older to New
[2] slave
[3] English version: Hate for Loving, song made in Indonesian musician, Naif