Fall First, Not Fall In The End

Fara stared at her phone, which was ringing incessantly, and the photo of Sean on the screen. Her heart pounded faster.It was she who had decided to call Sean because she couldn't hold back her longing any longer. But now that he was calling her back, her body went stiff and her mind went blank.She forgot what she wanted to say. Now she was thinking about how to answer Sean's call. What would she say? Suddenly, a sense of embarrassment filled her.Knock, knock, knock.Hurray! Fara reflexively ended the call with Sean."Yes, come in!" she ordered.Bonita entered the room with an aluminum serving trolley. On it were two plates of rice and grilled shrimp, and a tall glass of water."Enjoy your meal, Boss," Bonita said, placing the food on the coffee table nearby.Fara was still sitting at her desk, her eyes fixed on the phone that was lying on the table. Sean hadn't called her back. Now her brain and heart were conflicted again.Her heart ached for him, but her mind told her not to go back to the way things were."Boss..." Bonita's voice snapped her back to reality."Yes?" Fara asked, confused."Enjoy your meal..." Bonita repeated. She hoped her boss would get up from her throne and come over here to eat."Yes, thank you. You eat too," Fara said with a smile."Eat up, Boss. Don't take too long, it'll get cold." Bonita reminded her once more before leaving the room with the serving trolley.Fara didn't move. She seemed not to hear Bonita. She was lost in her thoughts. Like a calm lake on a morning, Fara dug deep to understand what she really wanted. Did she really want Sean back? Or did she want to forget everything?In moments like this, Fara hoped to find strength in her vulnerability and become stronger than ever.***

"So, in this impromptu meeting, I want to inform you of some good news for our next project," Fara stood up, trying her best to look composed in front of her employees.

"We've won the bid for the Charisma Event Project at the Ministry of Tourism."

Suddenly, the quiet meeting room became noisy. The managers cheered loudly, and Fara received congratulations. "Yes, thank you. This is also thanks to our teamwork. Keep up the good work and stay professional," Fara said.

"Next, I hope we can form a production team as soon as possible. Choose the best people to be involved. I want team proposals on my desk by tomorrow afternoon. So please discuss everything. I have faith in all of you who are present here."

Fara wanted to end the meeting right now because she couldn't take her eyes off her phone screen. Over and over again, even though she tried to look away. But her brown eyes kept returning to the screen, waiting for a certain name to appear.

Meanwhile, Ziggy, who happened to be passing by the meeting room, could clearly see Fara standing there with authority. Once again, he was amazed by this woman.

"Psst..." Ziggy called to Bonita who was busy at her computer.

"What are you doing wandering around here? This isn't a playground, you know!" Bonita scolded.

Ziggy leaned against Bonita's desk. He didn't care about her scolding. His eyes were still fixed on the meeting room. "What's up? Big project?" he asked casually.

Bonita sighed. "Yes!" she replied curtly.

"Cool, more work."

"Like you care," Bonita snapped.

Ziggy laughed dismissively. "Of course I do! Wanna bet?" he challenged.

Bonita rolled her eyes. "You have an inside source?"

"Of course! See, the one standing there, leading the meeting," Ziggy pointed at Fara.

"Wow, you're act so familiar with her, do you have nine lives?"

Ziggy laughed again. This time, he turned to Bonita. "I only have one life, but I have a lot of luck," he replied. "Anyway, gotta go, bye Bon!"

Bonita was silent. Remembering how Ziggy got into the company, she realized that Ziggy was a talented man with many awards. He was famous, even known internationally. He had been featured in Australian magazines and had worked alongside the best cinematographers there. "Typical guy, always flirting. She already has a boyfriend, and he still hits on her," Bonita muttered.

***

"Mr. Sambodo, have you received the content guidelines file?" Fara asked. She finally sat down in the last seat as the leader of the afternoon meeting.Mr. Sambodo, the head of the production team, nodded."Yes, ma'am. I will prepare the budget soon."Fara snapped her fingers. She liked it when people were quick to respond, and Mr. Sambodo had been working with the company since its inception. Fara was always satisfied with his performance."I want the best people involved in the production team. Let's prove to them what we can do. Ladies and gentlemen, please choose your team members wisely," Fara repeated. She emphasized that this was an important project in her career. She wanted everything to run smoothly without any human error.They all nodded obediently. Their eyes were fixed on the project guidelines.Fara looked at her phone again. Her body felt weak, weaker than she had ever felt before. Sean's name appeared again. She didn't know what to say, but she knew this couldn't go on forever. She had to accept it and end it."Alright, that's all for today's meeting. I hope this project goes smoothly. Thank you everyone," Fara said quickly. She grabbed her iPad and phone and left the meeting room.Her footsteps echoed in the empty corridor. There was only her large office, Bonita's desk, and the meeting room. The rest was just empty walls with artistic paintings. Fara didn't return to her office. She walked past Bonita, who was standing ready to greet her, towards one of the largest paintings on the wall.Fara stood in front of a painting by Anton Afganial titled "Feeling to die". The painting perfectly represented how Fara felt right now. With a dominant black color surrounded by bright colors that were blinding, but in the end, all the bright colors ended in black. Just like Fara now, even though she had tried so hard to be professional in her work, seeing Sean's name made all her efforts seem futile."Ha... hello?" she answered, her voice hoarse. Her brain worked at full speed to anticipate the unexpected from Sean."Why did you call earlier?" the voice on the other end replied. Honestly, from the tone of his voice, it felt like they were worlds apart. Five years of their relationship had vanished, as if into thin air."Wrong number." Damn it, Fara. Out of all the possible reasons, why did she choose such a ridiculous one?Fara bit her lip hard. The painting made her want to die."Oh..." Sean's response was too calm.How dare he say he wasn't easily separated from Fara? It was as if those words were just empty promises. Fara's anger flared up."About your clothes, at my home. What should I do?" Fara asked suddenly. This wasn't a reason at all, but Fara really didn't want Sean around her anymore. He was going to get married anyway."Seriously, Far? You're acting like a child," Sean replied lightly."Which part of what I said sounds childish?" Fara asked, not accepting his response."Forget it. You can throw away my clothes. Do whatever you want.""As you wish," Fara replied briefly. She stared at the red end call button repeatedly, feeling annoyed, angry, and like she wanted to cry. She wanted to smash her phone against the floor and smash Sean at the same time."Feeling to die."Fara turned around, looking for the source of the voice."Feeling in... love?"It was Ziggy, standing right behind Fara. He was staring at the painting, ignoring Fara's surprise."Falling," Fara corrected Ziggy.Ziggy was silent, his eyes still fixed on the painting. This wasn't the first time he had seen this painting, but with a girl whose heart was as broken as Fara's, the painting felt more meaningful. He had never seen this painting as dark as it was now."Falling hurts," Ziggy said again."Hmm?" Fara didn't listen to Ziggy because she was busy deleting Sean's contact. Everywhere. Without exception. She had also blocked him on all her social media."Falling, falling down. It hurts. I don't want to hurt. I want to feel, to feel in love. It should be nicer." This time, their eyes met. For the first time, Fara saw a warm glow in Ziggy's eyes.Fara cleared her throat."You should fall first and then feel love," Fara replied, sticking to her belief that 'falling' was the right word, not 'feeling'."See, fall first, not fall in the end."Ziggy smiled, leaving Fara standing there,