31. Chapter 31: Dead

Warning: This chapter contains descriptions of vomit, blood, character death, and genocide. If you don't want to read this content, I'll put a description in my author's note of what happens in this chapter.

31. Dead

Rey couldn't think straight. She'd never heard so much screaming and it wouldn't stop. She didn't know how Kylo was so focused, but she felt the Dark humming around him and thought that might be helping him.

He seemed focused on hiding, on finding a way to escape, but all she could think was, we have to save them. They were all dying and she was standing here useless. There had to be something to do, anything.

Blaster bolts streaked closer now, driving furrows in the grass and sending up sprays of dirt. The fighters blocked out most of the sky, beginning to break off and circle around the village. Rey felt small, trapped, like any second they'd see her and she'd be dead. Kylo shoved something into her hand (his blaster, she realized) and ran into his house. She darted after him in time to snatch her knapsack from him as he came tearing back outside, his saber and a small pack of his own things in hand. As he did, Leia came running out of the Falcon, ushering the children in front of her down the gangway.

"Ben," she called, focused on guiding Tyr away from the edge of the ramp. "We should-"

The Falcon erupted. There was a rush of heat and flame, and Rey lost all sense of where she was or what was happening.

When she came to, she could barely hear, and she realized, painfully, that she was lying on the ground.

Then a pair of strong hands grabbed her, actually lifted her off the ground, and set her on her feet. Kylo was staring at her, his eyes scared and lost, and she realized what she'd seen, what had happened. Oh, R'iia. She pushed him away and ran towards the wreckage, but almost immediately, she fell again because her leg hurt and there were… there were people. There were bodies. And they were small and they were curled up and they were children. Small limbs separated from small bodies, smears of red and black. The stench of blood and fire mingled with the soft fragrance of crushed grass. Rey clung to the dirt as her stomach heaved, and she just managed to choke down the bile that stung the back of her throat.

She scooted across the ground and tugged the limp figure of a little boy towards her, pressing her fingers to his neck, his wrist, his chest, even though half his face was just a bloody mass and she knew he was dead.

Oh, stars.

She couldn't bring herself to set him down again so she staggered back to her feet with him clutched in her arms and went to the next body; it was unrecognizable, nearly, crushed under a twisted piece of metal.

She shook her head, mute, shocked, and limped over to a scrawny form shaking in the grass. She refused to recognize the color of the pale grey skin, refused to process the little face that was staring at her. Not her, not this, not any of them, oh stars. Dropping to her knees, she carefully set down the dead boy she was carrying and cupped her hands around Tess' defiant little face, trying to suppress her shaking but not succeeding. Tess' eyes locked onto hers for just a moment, silver and clouded with agony, and Rey tried to find her injuries, tried to assess them, so she could fix them, but then the little Twi'lek girl coughed hard, once, twice, rattling and curling around into a small ball. Rey grabbed her hand and felt the second Tess left.

No, no, no, this wasn't… this wasn't how this was supposed to go. Not Tess. Not these kids. It wasn't right, she was supposed to save them, she was supposed to protect them. She was choking on bile and vomit again, hot tears beginning to blur her vision.

Oh, Force, Ben, I can't, she thought, and he came out of the smoke and knelt down next to her, and he put his hand over hers on Tess' face. That helped a little; let her force down the nausea again and shake her head.

Bring her, he thought, but we have to hurry.

Leia, she answered, and there was nothing for a brief second but the complete horror and pain he was feeling, nothing but crushing emptiness, and it was too much like her own pain for a moment.

I don't know, he told her, so she fit her arms under Tess' body, tucked her against her shoulder, and stood.

Tess shouldn't weigh this much, motionless and growing stiff like she'd never been alive, and Rey made herself focus on Leia, on Kylo, because that was a goal, that was something to do so she didn't drown.

We'll find her. Rey looked back and saw nothing but smoke where the village should be. The fighters were still screaming overhead, and she realized that blaster bolts were still pounding into the Falcon's remains and what was left of Kylo's house. He nodded and stood too, and he took her arm, like he knew she was going to fall.

Every dead child snatched frantically for Rey's attention, like hunger pangs in her stomach or an open wound. She couldn't just leave them here, lying in the grass and the mud and the wreckage, but every time she tried to stop, Kylo gently tugged her onward. Still, they both had to stop when they came across little Tyr, splayed across the grass like a thrown rag doll, one arm just… just gone. Kylo's grip on her arm tightened to a vice, and she had to turn her head to the side and vomit, coughing and retching and nearly dropping Tess. She was beginning to feel lost, beginning to feel like if she saw another body she was going to collapse and not be able to get up. Kylo's breathing sounded like the beginning of sobs, shivering inhales that didn't give him enough air.

She was supposed to help these children and she'd killed them. All of them.

When they finally came to the main bulk of the Falcon's remains, there were no more children, just a strange silence and plumes of black smoke. Kylo crawled into the shell of the ship, and Rey, after a moment of hesitation, set Tess down outside.

"I'll come back and get you," she said, because it felt wrong to just leave her on the ground, but they had to find Leia, if they could, and she couldn't clamber through the treacherous ship with a child in her arms. Still, she felt horribly guilty and sick as she left Tess in the grass and followed Kylo into the Falcon.

They climbed together through the broken interior of the Falcon, Rey leading the way because she knew the best way to do it without falling or bringing the structure crashing down on them. Her heartbeat was loud in her ears, the rhythm of it too fast and uncertain, and her injured leg trembled, threatening to give way. There were whispers too, trailing after her, laughing. Only a hot coil of purpose and anger in her chest was keeping her functioning, and if that failed her, she might curl up on the ground and just… stop. Her tears had left her for now, leaving her dry.

They found Leia lying on her face under what was left of the Falcon's control panel, one of her arms twisted in the wrong direction. Rey's mind wouldn't even process it, so she wasn't nearly aware enough to help Kylo, who staggered towards his mother and went to his knees next to her, shaking visibly. He slashed his hand to one side, yanking the control panel off Leia's body and smashing it hard against the opposite side of the ship. Gently, he rolled Leia onto her side, pressed two fingers to her neck, and then slumped even more.

"She's not… she's not dead," he said, and Rey heard the wavering yet that wanted to hang on the end of his sentence. She hurried over and knelt next to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. The Dark hummed at her, and something hot and soothing soaked into her veins from his.

"Maybe we can help her?" Let them be able to help someone. At least Leia wasn't dead, at least here there was hope, something to move toward.

Kylo's mouth curled in a pained grimace. "I don't know how," he said, voice strained. Suddenly Leia's arm moved, and she let out a soft gasp and her eyes fluttered open. Relief stung like salt in a wound but stars, it felt good. Rey's fingers curled into Ben's rough shirt.

"Ben?" Leia murmured, and for a moment she didn't seem to realize Ben was right there, until he grabbed her searching hand and combed his fingers through her hair.

"Hi, Mama," he said, and Rey ached at the way his voice trailed off. Leia didn't look at all like herself – she didn't seem like a general or a princess or even a mother, just a lost, broken thing. Rey couldn't stand this, was sick of it. Everyone she'd come to look up to had already been lost to her and Leia, she sensed, hung on the edge of the same fate. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that this was happening, it wasn't fair that she could feel power coursing through her but not be able to use it to help.

"Ben," Leia said again. Rey heard Ben's thoughts, the ebb and flow of them, words and feelings tumbling over themselves that she knew he wanted to express, tangled and twisted and… and he'd never be able to speak them, Rey knew.

"I'm sorry, Mama," he said, tracing his thumb over the back of her hand. Rey watched Leia's eyes grow just a bit brighter, saw a trace of the care and love that she'd been so amazed by.

Leia actually managed a smile. "My boy."

"I… Maker, Mama, I…" Ben was struggling, reaching for words, and Rey knew what he wanted to say and wanted to push him to say it because she could feel that they didn't have time, that there was no fixing Leia's injuries.

She shouldn't really expect Leia to live, but with life there was hope, and Rey couldn't let go of the notion that it would be fine, Leia would be fine, as long as they stayed here and she was talking.

Leia tugged her hand free from Ben's, and for a moment that seemed cruel, until with an evident effort she reached up and cupped her fingers over his cheek, tracing the line of his cheekbone and then his scar. She closed her eyes, like she was breathing against something heavy and painful, and Rey felt Ben begin to panic. She tried to push some reassurance at him, but she didn't feel much herself. Her world was ending, and it hurt so bad she'd started to go numb. The general's eyes lost focus, started darting around, like she was looking for something. "Han?" Rey felt tears slipping again, and her stomach hurt, and it just… it wasn't fair. "Han."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Ben whispered, and he seemed stuck, lost, hurting, and then… then Rey ached, for him and for the only woman who'd come close to being a mother to her, and she took Leia's other hand and pressed her head to Ben's shoulder. They both knew, could feel, the moment Leia's heart stuttered to a stop. Leia's hand slipped of Ben's face and fell, limp, back against her body. Ben grabbed her hand and clung on, like that would mean she wasn't gone.

Rey's tears soaked into Ben's tunic, and she gripped his shirt and Leia's hand and pushed back the howling Darkness that seemed to collapse her chest because this was too much, and it wasn't over, and she wished she could just stop because it hurt so much and she was tired and she'd lost someone else and maybe if she'd just listened she could have stopped this somehow, fixed everything, made it all okay. The anger stuck sharp against her skin, but she clung to the anger because at least that made her feel like she could do something (even if that something was only breaking things and screaming), helped her ignore the despair that was started to eat away at her desire to do anything but sob.

Ben was stammering, broken strings of disconnected words, desperate. He sounded like a little boy. "Mama? Oh stars, Mama, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I couldn't- I didn't think- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry." Ben folded forward and dropped his forehead to his mother's chest, and Rey bit her lip and weathered the sudden wave of pain coming from his thoughts. It hurt, it hurt worse than she'd thought she could still feel, but it was him, and at least she had one person to hang onto because if she didn't she wasn't sure she'd be able to move again.

When Ben stopped talking, he didn't make a sound, even though he was heaving with sobs, and she felt how tightly clenched his muscles were. She sat up and put her hand on his tense back, rubbing soft, comforting circles, pushing what little strength she still had towards him.

Echoes of fighter engines and blaster fire began intruding on her notice, and she wanted to ignore them, but the voice that always pushed her to keep going, to survive, was back, and she clung to it and pushed every ounce of her anger and pain and horror into a battered chest where it ached vaguely, out of reach, with the Darkness.

She nudged Ben lightly with her thoughts. I think we have to go.

She didn't receive a proper answer, just a flash of anger and pain.

We can bring her, Ben, but we need to move. Come on. Please, I'll help.

Kylo glanced at her, and although his face was red, his lips trembled, and tears traced down his cheeks, he nodded. Rey got up and stood back while he slipped one arm around his mother's shoulders and the other under her knees and forced himself painfully to his feet.

Then the ground rippled and shook with a heavy impact, and Rey heard a muffled boom.

"They… they brought out the bombers," Ben said, his voice wet and heavy. He tucked his arms tighter around Leia and glanced at Rey. "They'll be bombing the shelters."

There was… there was nothing to say. Rey didn't even know how to deal with that anymore, just forced that information away too. She felt a flash of screams and pain and then silence again.

"I don't think we have anywhere to go," Ben whispered.

"We have to find anyone who's left," Rey answered, and her voice didn't sound right, just dull and weary. "We have to go look."

"If they see us, they'll kill us."

"I just… We can't just let them kill everyone," she said, her voice small in all the noise.

Ben snapped his head around to glare at her, eyes blazing. "We can, Rey," he growled. "I don't know if you understand what's happening right now but we're surrounded. Look up, for kriff's sake. The second we leave this wreck they're going to see us and kill us. Your leg isn't right and we're trying to carry-" his voice cracked "-dead people. We won't be of any help to anyone."

Rey's stomach hurt. She refused to look up, because she knew what Ben was talking about – there were still TIE fighters in the sky above them. "But we have to… we can't just run and hide."

"Everyone here is already dead," Ben snapped. "Search your feelings, figure it out. They bombed the shelter, the village is gone, and we can't go running around the planet to warn the other villages. The fighters are faster than we are and they're looking for survivors. This planet is going to burn and unless we figure something out, so are we."

The Light told Rey otherwise, that they could save everything, but there were the whispers too, laughing.

Oh, Rey, they had said. We are sorry.

Stars, stars, stars.

"I can't not help them," she said, and the tears tried to come back so she clung to the Light and refused to cry, refused to feel it. Survival meant not thinking.

"They're already dead," Ben said, and it was cold and it was harsh and it was true, she could feel it was, and his eyes were so, so empty. "Admit it, Rey. This village is gone, and it's on to the next, and the next, and they're all going to die like those children."

Anger burst out of her in a scream she hadn't known she was waiting to release, a torrent of abuse and accusations that she didn't quite understand herself, and she found herself hurling pieces of wreckage at Ben's head, some with the Force, some that she bent down and picked up. He couldn't just say that, he couldn't just be like this. There were people on this planet, thousands at least, and they just had to let them die? She couldn't do that, it wasn't fair, and Ben didn't care. How could he not care? It wasn't right, and he was a monster, and she was going to save them whatever he said, and he could rot here by himself for all she cared. Ben deflected most of what she threw, standing still, arms around Leia until Rey was tired and sobbing again, the anger mostly expended, left with just guilt and shame and grief.

"I'm sorry," he said, and Rey shook her head a little. He walked over to her and turned a little, as though offering his arm. "Do you want to get Tess?"

"I have to." She knew he understood, because she sensed he wouldn't leave his mother for anything, either. She tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow and hung on, and at least it was something grounding, even if it fixed nothing.

"We don't have anywhere to go," he said, and she understood that. If they stayed here, they'd eventually be bombed again, because the fighters would pick up their life signs. If they left, they'd be seen or detected long before they could find anywhere safe.

But she drew on the Light and nodded. "We have to try."

This time, Ben seemed to agree, so they started climbing back out of the ship, struggling because Ben was carrying Leia and Rey didn't want to let go of him.

For all she knew, they'd be killed as soon as they stepped outside, and although her survival instincts rebelled at the idea, part of her was too horrified to care. Maybe that was only fair.

A/N: I don't have any funny or clever little things to say about this chapter. Just please understand that a lot of thought has been put into this and the ramifications it has for the story. I discussed it with friends and I think the intensity is important so that I'm not glossing over what I've just done. This story is going to remain a bit intense for a while after this (although why angst would surprise anyone at this point, I'm not sure), especially for Rey. This chapter was written to solidify that this is a war, that the First Order is evil, and to allow for further and deeper character and story development.

For those of you who didn't read, if any of you: At the beginning of the chapter, the Falcon is blown up as Leia and the kids are coming down the ramp, and Rey is knocked out. She wakes up with an injured leg and immediately runs to check on the children; she finds them dead, coming across two children and then Tess, who dies as Rey reaches her. She carries Tess with her and Kylo joins her - they also see Tyr and both grieve. From there they go to the biggest leftover part of the Falcon, where Rey sets Tess down outside so that she and Kylo can climb through the wreckage to look for Leia. They find her still alive, barely, and Kylo struggles to talk to her, unable, however, to tell her he loves her. Leia puts her hand on his face and dies saying Han's name; Rey returns to her old coping mechanisms and forces down her emotions so she can focus on survival. When she tells Kylo they should leave and try to save more people, he tells her they can't; when he insists that everyone on the planet has been/will be killed like the children were, she screams at him and throws things at him. He apologizes, they both face the fact that they aren't likely to survive, and they start to leave the Falcon.