Chapter Eight

Lily • Rosa • Jeanine • Park

"Yeah, okay, thank you..."

What now?

• • •

What is a person possibly capable of when dealing with desires?

What is a human being capable of when dealing with temptations?

What am I capable of?

How does all these questions affect my decision making?

• • •

I don't wanna go there.

I thought for myself. While thinking, I came into an final decision. There's nothing and no one in this world that or who could control me, as far as I am aware of the consequences of my decisions. I am naive. But to a certain point, where I am able to find myself. And live with no regrets.

I'm sure. I feel it that way.

• • •

We landed. In a blink of an eye, I exited the plane together with all the passengers, getting lost in the crowd of people. I made it to the arrival hall, and to the suitcase section. When I was already walking towards the exit, I noticed that flight attendant together with two bodyguards and one person in a suit; probably the chauffeur, walking together, showing people a picture, while suddenly pointing at me.

We all stood steady, looking to each other's direction. All of a sudden, they started heading towards me.

In a brief moment, while a group of people were making their way; walking in front of my eyes, I didn't wait even for a second.

I disappeared.

When the group of people which obstructed the view; when they all already passed, and the flight attendant with the men saw that I wasn't seen anymore, they all parted, every each making their way, each to a different direction, looking for me.

Me already sitting in the taxi. Success.

"Where would it be-" (the conversation in spoken in Korean)

"Just go," I snapped.

"Okay," First, he hesitated, then obeyed, not trying anything unnecessary.

• • •

We rode for about a half an hour when the taxi driver finally stopped the car, asking if I want to continue driving to nowhere or I want to drive somewhere specific.

"I'll just get off here," I decided.

"Thank you, here," and I handed him a bunch of money.

"But-"

"Keep the charge." I just stepped out of the car, finally feeling some space.

What was that?

• • •

Why?

________________________

To be sure, I got through a 15 hour flight, slept with Victor Sacco, which whom I run away from at the end, then escaped a bunch of people by a taxi, and lastly I left the airport at 2:40 AM, drove in a taxi for half an hour, and walked on the street for two hours.

It's 5:10 AM.

Good, I thought ironically for myself. So this is how my semester starts?

Perfect. The irony of this situation is slapping me hard, right in my face. But I didn't regret anything.

• • •

After an hour I finally managed to arrive to the hotel of my stay; where I'll be staying during my semester. Because I don't lack money and I need space.

The best option.

Laying in my bed, I wanted to free the flow of my thoughts in my head. But they come in waves. Although occasionally, but still, strong and hard. I couldn't get rid of them.

When I finally fell asleep. Relief.

• • •

When I woke up at 10:15 AM, after a 4 hour nap, I didn't do much. I took a long shower to clear my mind, then went to the store to get some food, ate my breakfast...or lunch? And then I went running.

My daily morning routine. Of course with the expectation of the time. I usually do this in the early morning.

Habit.

When I run, it almost feels like dancing. Feeling the freedom and the wind blowing through my hair. When I run, I slowly pay attention to the living seconds when I find myself in the moment when I'm not standing on the ground. My feet regularly bouncing off the ground. Then again landing, feeling the touch of safety.

The seconds between those moments fullfil me. They're relaxing, peaceful, calm and free.

Not feeling the touch of ground.

For an only slight moment, you feel like you could fly away. When feeling only the wind around.

After a quick 30 minutes of running, I feel the blood running in my vains. So fast that my ears are able to hear it. My chest moving up and down. The oxygen not making it fast enough to my lungs. The sweat running down my forehead, back, my thighs, my hips, and everywhere else. Overwhelmed by sweat.

This is it. Exhaustion.

• • •

I didn't currently pay attention to the world. And I think that is the best thing to do right now. I headed back home; to my hotel room.

I have exactly a week. A week until my school starts. Next week, on Monday. But before that, we have an opening ceremony for all the new students. An every year tradition. This Saturday. I wish it'll already be that time. Because I haven't done much. I slept, run, ate, read, danced and again slept. But it did come really fast. Almost unexpectedly fast.

• • •

I planned to go out, the last day before the school opening ceremony. To breathe some air, to have some good food, to get strong. I picked pretty much the nearest and unluckily the most expensive restaurant in the district. For the reason that I live near the school, this is gonna be the place where I'm going to eat at. It was such a nice restaurant.

I entered the restaurant, wearing a red, tight dress of a medium length, reaching something under my knees. The straps holding the fabric on my back and in the front where the fabric covered my breasts just perfectly, not showing too much, but also not only a little. Just perfectly.

When I entered, all eyes were on me. This is why I wore a red dress. This is exactly what I wanted. Attention. I want to be the center of all the attention in the restaurant; the spotlight. Only for people I don't know and who doesn't know me. But only for today. Until nobody knows me here. And until I don't know anybody. Temporary safety.

I sat down in the middle of the restaurant. On everyone's eyes. I've never experienced this before. Why does it feel so comforting? Is it even right to feel this way?

Out of my thoughts, I was pulled out by a young man. He pulled me out off them by putting the menu on my table and speaking to me. Asking.

"Welcome, ma'am. Here you go; the menu. Take your time with your order. Would you like something for drink?" Why is he so familiar to me?

"Yes, I'd like a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon." I responded, instantly to his question. Him taking the order.

"Great choice. I'll bring it to you right away." He spoke, smiling and slowly walking away, bringing me the wine, right away, just like he said. Me deciding on my food in the meantime.

• • •

"~and an Almas Caviar. That will be all. Thank you." I finally ordered, absolutely ready to spent a lot of money in this restaurant.

"As you wish, it will be ready in a few minutes." He reassured me, leaving me alone.

He had such a good vibe. He exhibited qualities of assurance, which left me with a sense of inner peace. I felt an inner approval to feel this way. I felt safe.

• • •

I saw a lot of important people. All men wore suits and all women wore dresses.

Beautiful. So elegant.

All of them were probably discussing some business, because of their deep conversations. I was the only one not dealing with any kind of issue or business problem. I only came to have a dinner, alone at a fancy restaurant, where I can feel like I mean something.

Sometimes I felt a man's stare digging a hole into me. Sometimes I felt a woman's stare, when I couldn't decide whether she admired me, judged me, or was just jealous of me.

Women are confusing. A known fact.

Being the center of attention felt confronting and comforting at the same time. Being the center of attention felt new and exciting. It felt like I was doing something illegal. Yet it felt like finding a new feeling. A new emotion. A new way to express my inner self.

• • •

I suddenly got startled by my phone ringing. Why did I get so shocked?

Then I saw the caller ID.

My cousin Renée.

• • •

Why did I wait for so long only to answer?

__________________________________

Unexpected situations.

The most common reaction is fear, confusing thoughs and overthinking.

To be continued...