HOPELESS LOVE

There was an old cabin in the woods. You had to walk south of it to an abandoned railway and follow it for about 10 minutes. Then after you would exit the tracks and walk down to a nearby stream. From there is where I met Selene.

I was staring at the stream as the evening light glistened in the water. It was nothing short of beautiful. I would have dipped my toes in but I didn't feel like removing my shoes. My hands through the cool stream would have had to suffice while I waited.

I winced as I felt a cold touch on my neck.

"Don't do that." I said with a smile, turning around to the beauty in a white dress.

She looked just as good as the day I met her. Intoxicating brown eyes. A calm, young yet mature face and short black hair. 

Her dress fluttered in the breeze as she smiled back, I had to look aside. She was no good for my heart.

"I could not help myself." she moved closer to me. From the zay he looked, I always imagined that she smelled of flowers, a moonflower maybe. "Are you angry?" she frowned.

"Of course not," I responded standing straight, "How could I?"

We stood in silence for some time. She was shorter than me, just reaching a little above my chin, so she always had to tilt her head upwards to look into my eyes whenever we were close. But other times she would only move her eyes, like that time. I had a feeling she knew what she was doing for whenever I tried to avoid that gaze, she would move to where I was looking.

"So," she broke the silence, "What will we be doing today? You have another poem to read." she smiled, a sly smile. I powered through.

"Not exactly."

"Aaaaw, I really do love your poems." she started walking away, I followed her.

"You only love the parts where you tease me."

"Really?" she turned around quickly and closed the distance between us. SHe was close, too close. "Is that how it seemed? I really am jealous of whoever the target is."

They were all about her and she knew it. I only started to write so well after I had met her.

"I wanted us to play a game."

"Game?" she moved back, I could finally breath.

"A game of words, a poetry game if I may."

"Poetry game?" she suppressed a smile , "No wonder you do not have a lot of friends. "

"Ouch." it was true, I had told her once before.

"Sorry not sorry. Explain this game to me."

There was a fallen tree close. She sat, crossing her legs. I looked aside for a while to gain my composure and when i looked back, her legs were side by side albeit close. She had this smile on her face, she really wasn't good for my heart.

"A word chain."

"A word chain you say," she nodded slightly, "What's that?"

"It's where I say a sentence and you make the end word and start a new sentence with it. It has to be the same word though."

"You don't say," the contraction caught me by surprise. She looked up at the darkening sky, "I really like the chirpings of birds."

"Birds of a feather flock together."

"Together we stand, divided we fall."

"To-" something sounded off, "Is it not supposed to be united?"

"Do not be so stiff," she stood, wiping the back of her her dress, "You know better than me poetry follows no rules."

She was right…partially.

"Let us start again," she suggested, "I am unfond of proverbs so do try to avoid them."

"I shall." I responded, she frowned and then raised a brow.

"Shall I tell you you have lost or give you a pardon?"

"Pardon me, my mind was quite far."

"Far indeed but I need your full attention."

"Attention is what I lack."

"Luck is then on my side."

I stopped, she pretended to look at her fingernails.

"I'll allow it." I said, she beamed. Also starting with rhyming could make the game better I supposed, "Cried the loser as she was denied."

"Lied, that is how he won." "One wins when they are declared a victor." "Picture of clarity was always needed." "Proceeded by plenty of complaints." "Complaints necessary but satisfactory."

""Satisfactory and…and…" she smiled, which made my concentration even harder. My head was starting to feel a bit warm, she was giving me quite the run.

"Alright, you win." I admitted defeat as I lowered myself to the ground. I rested my back against a tree and crossed my legs.

"Oooh, do not be so dismayed." she sat beside me, "You were good."

She wanted to say something else, I could feel it. "But…"

"I am better. You are decades too early to defeat me, literally."

My heart stopped for a moment, I hadn't realised how close she was to me. Her cold skin just touching my shoulder.

"I ne-need to go back home." I stood.

"Why so early? The night is still too young." she stood up and intercepted my path, I could have easily walked through her but I didn't.

"I have a lot of work to do." I responded. She was not close but felt too close for comfort. I could feel my body heat up. My heart beat faster and faster…it knocked so hard I would have died from embarrassment if she admitted that she heard it.

"Have you ever danced before?" she asked, a sly smile on her face.

"Not yet." I took a step back, taking a deep breath,

"Then let us dance, or practise so to speak." She stepped closer, placing her right hand out, "This i the part where you take the lady's hand."

"Oh!" I placed my palm sofly to hers, careful not to phase mine through hers. She smiled even more as she curtsied.

"Follow what I say," I nodded stiffly as she winked, "You get closer to me, close enough to my chest to feel my warmth in normal scenarios but not enough to touch. You place your hand around my waist, but remember not to touch lest it ruins the thrill building up."

I followed her every word, she was closer than ever before, close enough to see how long her eyelashes were. How slim her eyes had been and just how prettily her large pupils reflected the moonlight. It was a struggle to keep up with her, yet she moved slowly enough for me to catch on. Soon she stopped, only tilting her head slightly wherever she wanted to turn.

Then she started humming…her voce was not perfect but it was all we needed. We danced, till she stopped, her gaze into mine, the silence dominating.

We locked eyes, my breathing got heavier and all forms of thoughts rushed through my mind. She then stared at my chest and gave me that upward glance that had always been my bane. She lifted her face as she closed her eyes…the moon reflecting off her dress was really unfair, the way she radiated almost like a second moon…none of it was fair.

I bent and moved in for a kiss and just for a moment…for the smallest moment, I felt her chilled lips against mine. Just for a moment I imagined how soft they were. And as my hands tried to hold her waist, wanting to pull her whole being closer to mine, a cold chill passed through my whole body.

We stood, backs against each other. I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry-" she started, I turned.

"Don't worry about it." I should have forced a smile, but it was meaningless if she catched on. So we stood in silence.

"Was this your first?" She stared at the stream, " You move too quickly. You are supposed to move slowly, build the tension. Let the warmth embrace her first, not the other way around."

"It was." embarrassed as I was, I was glad that it had been with her. Well…partially.

"You should move slower, build the tension." she repeated silently still not looking at me. 

We stood for a while, silent.

"I have something to tell you." I started.

"Save it for someone else, I do not deserve them."

"But you do." I walked into the path of her gaze and she backed up, "Ever since I met you I have wanted to tell you this."

"Don't."

"Selene…" "Please stop" "I really love you"

"And you said it!" I could feel the colour drain from her face, a glint on her cheek as it rolled down slowly, "This is not right. Neither for you nor I, I cannot give you what you want, neither can you to me."

"Who said so?"

"It will not work."

"Then we'll make it work Selene please." something warm touched my lips. I touched my face…I was crying too.

"I have to go." She turned around and started to walk away. Before she vanished into the light, she turned, "It was nice."

…

…

…

Looking back, maybe I had hoped for too much. I knew from the start, we would never be together. Albeit that never stopped me from hoping beyond hope that we would work out somehow, that she would stay, and deep inside I felt she also felt the same…that love would conquer all. The fairytales in my youth crept into my soul , and in my desperation to fulfil my dreams, I drove her away…we drove each other away.

Having known each other for so little a time, it should not have pained me so. But it had been so long since I found someone to connect with. She was my star in a dark night so to say. I could tell her my poems and she would listen, I would tell her my thoughts…she would understand. 

 She was the moon, beautiful yet far…only to be admired. And I as the sun, our eclipse brought us close only for a brief moment. But that is all it was…a brief moment.