Self Image

[Yeah I don't hate you. I just don't know how to fucking communicate, lol.]

Tbh I'm a total tsundere.

Even if I don't want to admit it I'd like to get tackle hugged, or sit on my friends lap. But with the latter I really can't do because no matter how much you assure me it's fine I'm still really self concious about my weight, and feel like you'd yell that I'm heavy (even when I do that when friends sit on my lap, though I should really stop) and then I'd get self concious, even if I know it was a joke, and I'd honestly joke about that too.

I honestly want to come up to you and hug you without warning like our other friends do, and am pretty okay with it if you do the same to me, despite me complaining about it. I'd honestly really fucking like that. I try to go for that tough image, a idgaf image. I'm not sure if it's working but I try to look cool even when I know no one really cares, and honestly I wouldn't either to be quite honest. But that's what you got to know me as, and I feel like if I suddenly acted the way I wanted that I'd get asked why I changed so much (even when it is as a joke), and I just don't want to deal with that, and I feel like I wouldn't find a response, and wouldn't respond. And I feel like if I were to not respond the person asking would start to hate me and I don't want that. Though to be honest I don't really care all that much if they hate me, but I guess I do care? I don't know, it's just a thought y'know?