32

Chapter 32 I felt frozen in place, completely shocked as I stared at the front seat, unable to comprehend the fact that he actually came here. He actually drove here for me. And he was angry. Angry with me. This couldn't possibly be real. It all felt unreal. Like one of those dreams that you sometimes wake up from and realise you're dreaming, only to find yourself awake. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise; you still end up waking up, breathing heavy and drenched in sweat. My knees wobbled beneath me and I collapsed to the floor, burying my face in my trembling hands as my legs gave out beneath me. I sat on the ground with my head between my knees, trying to collect my thoughts whilst trying my hardest not to cry. I didn't know what I was thinking. It seemed as though my brain had gone silent. A complete blank of a mind that I just couldn't seem to regain control over. "Are you okay?" I heard a familiar deep voice ask hesitantly, causing my head to shoot up in surprise, but then my head shot down again once I saw who was speaking. I didn't feel like answering him right now… He was mad at me, and if he thought I was upset or scared, he might decide to leave. If that happened, I knew I would never see him again… He would hate me. And I didn't want that… I would rather die than hurt him like that. I stayed silent, hoping he would just leave. I didn't want to have another fight. I hadn't planned any of this. The thought of being alone again suddenly struck me, and my heart started beating frantically in my chest as my vision became blurred with tears. I didn't want him to see me like this. Not while he was angry with me. So angry. "Oh, my dear... Come on, look at me," he said gently and I felt my hand slowly being grabbed, forcing me to lift my head. His blue eyes were wide, worried and full of fear. He wasn't angry at me. He wasn't yelling at me. I didn't understand. Why wasn't he angry at me? "What's wrong?" He asked cautiously, moving closer to me and placing his hands on either side of my face, tilting it upwards gently as he observed my facial expression carefully. "Is something bothering you? You've been really quiet lately. Is something wrong?" The only answer I could think of was yes, but I was too afraid to speak. Too afraid of breaking the fragile peace I had established with him again. I didn't deserve such tenderness and love in return. I was too broken for anyone like him, and I knew it. I knew he deserved better, but that didn't stop me from having such strong feelings for him... "Tell me… Is it something I've done?" His voice sounded so desperate. So worried. As he leaned forward slightly. "If it was… If something's happened, please tell me…" "Nothing's happened, Crowley…" I whispered, closing my eyes as I swallowed nervously. That wasn't exactly true, but it was close enough to it. "Then why do you look like someone kicked your puppy? Why are you acting so strange? Has something happened? Has Beelzebub decided she doesn't want to hear anything about what happened between you two and sent you some demons to torment instead?" His voice broke as he spoke, sounding as though he couldn't believe what was happening. "Please, Azra, just talk to me… I can't handle it if you don't talk to me!" "No," I said simply as I opened my eyes again, forcing myself to meet his gaze. "Beelzebub hasn't sent demons after me and, no, nothing has happened. Nothing at all. Everything is fine…" I assured him softly. It wasn't really a lie, but I also couldn't say that it was the truth either. "What isn't?" He asked, obviously frustrated with me now, but also seeming to accept what I was telling him. "I can't stand the tension… Tell me! You can tell me, angel… Please! I just need to know if I can do anything to help fix this…" "There isn't much you can do anyway, Crowley," I whispered. "Why do you say that? There has to be something I can do," he protested immediately. "There isn't… You wouldn't be able to help me anyway. Not now, not ever," I answered quietly, feeling my eyes burn as I fought not to cry in front of him again. His eyes widened in horror and pain as they met mine and he let out a soft breath. "But, Azira – " "Please just listen for a minute," I said suddenly, cutting him off as I looked up pleadingly into his gaze. "Can't you just trust me for once? Please? Can't you trust me not to make the same mistakes I did last time? Please, Crowley? I don't know what else to say… It's not you. I promise. It is me. I am the one making the mistakes… Please just… Trust me for once…" His eyebrows rose in confusion for a few seconds as he continued looking intently at me, studying my expressions as if trying to figure out what was going on inside my head. Eventually, he reached out and cupped my cheeks softly with his warm palms, wiping a lone tear that had escaped from my eye as he gave me the most gentle, loving smile that I had ever seen. "Of course I will," he replied quietly, leaning forward to press a small kiss against my forehead. "I trust you. I will always trust you. Just tell me… What's wrong? Are you hurt? Are you sick? Are you hungry? Shouldn't I be taking care of you? I am your husband, Azira. I should be giving you all those things. I should be protecting you!" I shook my head, resting my hand on top of his and holding it tightly against my cheek. I smiled sadly