Chapter19: chance

My day ended so fast I guess it was because I was late for work and most of my time was used by Angela talking about how late I was. I said my goodbye to my receptionist who I met today and Angela and I headed out because I offered to drop her off at her home. I arrived at the parking lot but something or rather someone caught my eye. He came up to me with a rose  flower in hand smiling. I didn't know what to do rather than stand rooted looking at him agaped. He came up to me and handed me the flower but I didn't take it. I just looked at him as if asking for what he was doing here.

"Hi baby, I just wanted to apologize for this morning. I know that I was in the wrong kissing you like that. I'm sorry, I promise that is the last time I'm doing that. I also said that I won't be seeing you again but I can't, I really can't stay away. I'm here to do right by you and to ask if we could start over. Give me a chance to do right by you. It's okay if you don't, I would totally understand but I want to tell you that, I won't stop chasing you. I've thought things through and I think you deserve better. I'm not the person you deserve but I'm willing to become the person that you deserve. Please think about it."Alex said in one go and the moment he was done I was on the verge of crying but I blinked the tears away. I can't let him know how those words are affecting me. He looked at me waiting for a reply which I didn't know what to say.

"Can you give me some time please, I need to think things through. I need to go."I said and I left running to my car. The moment I entered tears started flowing down my cheeks. Alex's words were so good, they made me feel good. No man has ever said such words like that to me. I don't know what to do after that and I need time to think. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the other side of the window. Oh shit I had forgotten about my secretary. I opened the door from inside for her and she got in then I wiped my tears, I can't have my secretary seeing me crying like that. She got in and she did not say anything about what happened and I was so grateful. We stayed there in silence without saying anything.

"You do know he's gone right?"she told me looking at me and I could see the curiousity in her eyes. I'm not ready to talk about Alex with her right now. She probably knows he was the one at my house this morning but I don't care. She thinks I'm not leaving because Alex is still here.

"I don't really care."I said as some more tears threatened to fall. I had to bite my lip really hard so I would not cry before my secretary.

"I don't mind you crying, I'll lend you my shoulder to lean on."she said and after she said that, l hugged her and started crying my heart out. Angela hugged me back stroking my back probably wanting to come me down. We stayed like that until my cries turned to sobs and hickups. I withdrew from the hug and she let me go. I breathed in harshly trying to calm my nerves and Angela gave me the flower that Alex had come with it. I took it and breathed it's fragrance and it smelled so nice and that made me smile and a tear drop fell on the flower.

"It smells so nice. Just like him."I unconsciously said smiling.

"You wonna talk about it?"Angela asked me and I shook my head saying no."not even about this morning?"she asked again and my face paled a little as my smile faded.

"You already know the answer why ask?"I asked her hoping to avoid the conversation about my lie this morning.

"I want to hear you tell me about it."I guess she's not having any of it. I sighed then played with the flower in my hand as I looked ahead at the empty parking lot.

"It was him in the morning."I said and I saw Angela smile brightly." What? If you think something happened it didn't."I added quickly to avoid her running her head ahead considering her smartness.

"I was not thinking about that, you see how rotten your head is. Do you perhaps want something to happen?." She said and my eyes went wide. "Why are you surprised virgin Mary , I know you like him." She added.

"No I don't"I said abit loudly and quickly. Well now I think about it. Do I really like him? But I hate him"I hate him."I added.

"Oh no you don't. You're just using your hate to cover the real deal." She said and I looked at her.

", What are you saying. He's such a pain in the ass. He has been destroying everything since I met him."I told her and she chuckled.

"You're scared of liking perhaps even loving him because of your opinion about men. You think he's gonna disappoint because that's what he's been doing or whatever you're calling destroying right? You know it's quite ironical that you help others overcome their fears but you yourself have remained stuck with yours."she called me out and I can't say anything because she's right about everything. I sigh again.

"Perhaps you are right. I'm scared of giving any man a chance and Alex is the the Alexander Scott as you Once said. You know his world and past and his love for women. I just can't keep up. I think he deserves someone with higher qualities than mine."I said sadly.

"Now you are even degrading yourself? Alex is ready to change for you because he thinks you're the one."

"What if he can't change. You said he's trying not an assurance he will."I said.

"Well then change him. I believe you can change him and probably the only one who can change him. That guy is suffering, I can see it in his eyes. There's something about those eyes that show pain and suffering and some other things.."Angela said.

"Yeah, I've seen it too but he looks like a person who don't want to talk his pain out. He's insomniac. He told me last night. He said I'm the only one who can help him sleep. I'm really conflicted on what to do."I told Angela.

"I think you should follow your heart. What does your heart say?" She asked me.

"I want to give a chance. But I don't know if it's out of pity or feeling sorry for him. He would probably not want me feeling sorry for him right?" I asked her.

"Why don't you try and see what happens. If your heart wants to give him a chance then maybe you can do that." She said.

"Okay then."I said then breathed in harshly.

"Now I want to hear everything about how it started." Angela said looking at me eagerly.

"About what happened?" I asked acting dumb.

"About how you met him, was the day in the hospital the first day?" She asked and I smiled but I told her everything though to avoid the questions. I narrated the story and she was smiling after I was done.