9. Chapter 9

After Deep in Death

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Oddly enough, I still don't own this. Rating: K Time: Duh! Just after Deep in Death.

Kate Beckett sat alone in the darkened bullpen, arguing with herself. As in many such arguments, both sides were losing.

How could I have done that? She asked herself. I had a chance to get rid of Castle permanently, then he came in, apologized, looked at me with those sad blue eyes and I told him I'd see him tomorrow. How could I be so stupid? He's an egotistical ass and he did the one thing he knew would hurt me the most. He deliberately looked into my mom's murder I told him never to do that.

Oh, yes. Her other self jeered at her. He looked into mom's murder. He actually found evidence that you never found.

That's not the point. I almost went out of my mind trying for three years to solve mom's murder. If I try to look into her death again, I could go down a rabbit hole and never come out.

Her other self wasn't buying any. And why did you almost go out of your mind? Because you found nothing. That's what drove you to the edge. You looked and looked for three years and the reports just sat there and told you nothing. But Castle found something. Three other people dead the same way? One of whom knew mom? Another lawyer and a documents clerk? How hard would it be to look at those cases? If there's nothing there, you can quit.

"I can't do this again!" Kate was surprised that she had spoken out loud. She quickly looked around. No one else was in the bullpen.

Oh? Why did you become a cop again? Wasn't it to solve mom's murder? You told Castle that you can't stand the thought that mom's killer would do ten years and be out on the street, but you're just fine with him being out on the street right now, unpunished? What kind of a cop are you?"

"Fine." Kate whispered. "I'll go get the three files tomorrow. They'll be in storage. I can just walk in and look at them. If there's anything there, I'll take them and really look at them. If there's nothing there, I'll just walk away. But I won't let Castle get involved."

Her other self laughed. Of course. Why let him in on this? You're the detective, not him. Tell me again where would Harrison Tisdale be today without Castle? Enjoying his inheritance? How about Melanie Cavanaugh's murder? He suggested you look at the crime scene. Where would Theresa Candela be without Castle? Enjoying the results of kidnapping her own daughter? Castle noticed the bunny was gone. You didn't.

Kate swore under her breath. "Dammit! All right. Castle has been a help. And if I find something, maybe he can help." She muttered. "Assuming he's around. The book is almost done and he hasn't gotten me into bed, he'll probably lose interest."

Her alter ego laughed. Sure. Tell yourself that. How long did those actors hand around the 23rd Precinct a couple of years ago? A couple of weeks, then they were gone. He's not here for local color, he's here for you.

He's here to get me into bed. Once he figures out I won't sleep with him, he'll be out of here.

Maybe. Maybe not.

Oh, come on. He made a play for me at the end of our first case.

And you're so desirable that Richard Castle is going to spend months chasing after you?

Hey! I have good legs, a great butt, okay boobs and a good face. I'm not as young as I used to be, but when I started here I was "that hot rookie". It took me and Royce together to keep all the creeps from groping me.

Keep telling yourself that. Castle can get all the women he wants. Why, he can get more than even he could possibly handle. He's probably bedding a couple of supermodels right now. Do you think he's that hot for you?

Kate felt an unaccustomed clenching in her gut at the thought of Castle writhing in bed with two gorgeous women.

Have you ever thought that maybe he likes you?

"Bullshit!" Kate said out loud. He's not interested in any kind of long term relationship.

Oh? He has a pretty good relationship with Alexis, doesn't he? And with Martha?

That's different. Kate thought. They're family. I'm not.

And how many men have you seen over the years that treated their family terribly? Castle is not the man you thought he was when you first met him. There's more to him than you thought.

So what am I supposed to do?

Easy. Do what you're going to do with the evidence of mom's murder. Take it slow and easy. If there's nothing there, than it's over. But in the meantime, you're having fun for once. And who knows where this might lead?

"I'll look at the records tomorrow. But I won't tell Castle unless I have something definite. A solid lead."