768. Chapter 768

After Hedge Fund Homeboys

Episode 1.04

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Homies, I do not own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

The tall, slender, strikingly beautiful brunette walked into the office and instantly noticed a new receptionist. She at once used her eidetic memory to try to place him with no success. He was not a member of Her Majesty's Secret Service that she knew of.

He looked up and smiled at her. "May I help you?"

"I need to see M."

"Do you have an appointment?" He asked self importantly.

"Of course." She snapped.

"Name?"

"Bond. Kate Bond."

He checked the calendar and stood up. "Follow me, please." He opened the door to M.'s office, causing a draft which blew several Most Secret documents out the window and onto the busy street below, as well as knocking over and smashing M.'s autographed photo of the Queen.

"Demmingpenny!" Screamed M.

"Is that your name?" Kate asked.

"Yes. I'm Demmingpenny."

"I'll remember that name." She said coldly.

"Oh, thank you. I have trouble remembering it, you know. But now I have to go retrieve some more documents." Demmingpenny quickly ran out of the office and into the wall. "Door! Door. Use the door. I know."

"Welcome back, Double Oh Kate." M. said.

"Good to be back, sir. What do you have for me?"

"Something in America, I'm afraid. Have you ever heard of Dr. Yes?"

"No."

"Not Dr. No, Dr. Yes."

"If you ask me who's on first, I'm leaving." Kate said.

"Well, we call him Dr. Yes because he's come up with a potion that makes men irresistible to women. Allow me to demonstrate." He began running a video on his computer. "This is Richard Castle. He's a classic American geek. Until lately all he ever did was write stories about a dashing secret agent called Derrick Storm and raise his daughter. He had no social life."

Kate nodded. "I have some familiarity with his books, sir. While he does have a way with words, as an intelligence professional, I can say they're awful."

Actually Kate loved the books and read and reread them all. She had even snuck into a book signing disguised as a Bactrian camel driver. She still treasured what Castle had written to her: "To Abdul. Get that (expletive deleted) camel away from me. Rick Castle."

M. continued. "However, once he was exposed to Dr. Yes' potion, look at him." The video showed Castle, dressed in a tuxedo entering a nightclub with two supermodels. As he did so, the other women immediately rushed to him. "Who knows the consequences if this were to fall into the wrong hands. We chose you, Double Oh Kate, because of your well known walls."

Kate nodded. Ever since the tragic death of her beloved cat she had built up walls around her heart to keep from ever having to suffer the pain of that kind of loss again. "I understand, sir."

"We've found that Dr. Yes is hiding in plain sight, so to speak. He's a teacher at a private school in New York City. We've gotten you a position as a temporary nuclear physics teacher. I presume you're up to speed on that subject?"

"I have been building Her Majesty's nuclear weapons in my spare time, sir."

"Excellent. Now run along to L. I'm sure she has some devices to help you."

Double Oh Kate went to the workshop of L. the renowned maker of all sorts of gadgets to help out spies. She wondered what L. would have for her. A pocket handkerchief that unfolded into a motorized hang glider, perhaps? A lace mantilla that doubled as a protective vest? A pair of Jimmy Choo's stylish shoes with four inch heels that could be converted into a nuclear powered pogo stick for quick getaways?

She arrived at L.'s lair. "L.? Where are you?"

"Right here, sweetie. I have a few things for you." L. put down on the table what appeared to be a lip gloss, eyeliner, eye shadow, blush, mascara, and foundation.

Kate examined it. "It looks like just a normal set of women's cosmetics. What does it do?"

"It makes you look more beautiful, girl. You need to get out there and have some fun. "

For just a moment, Double Oh Kate's iron demeanor broke down, but then she recovered. "So that I can lose someone like I lost Puddy Tat and be even more miserable?"

"Kate…" Lanie began, but Kate was already head out the door.

Kate arrived at Marlowe Prep ready for her first day on the job. She noticed as she walked around that the girls' clothing was somewhat disheveled and their eyes were glassy. As she passed one classroom, a slender redheaded girl rushed out, colliding with her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." The girl said.

"That's all right, Miss..?"

"Castle. Alexis Castle."

"Hey, baby." Slurred a voice from a dark haired young man who had followed Alexis out of the classroom. "Let's get it on. Why are you the only chick in this whole school…"

"Because, Brandon, I'm not a chick. I'm a young lady."

Brandon's eyes settled on Kate. "Hey, baby. You're ever hotter than Red here."

"Really?" Double Oh Kate said as she casually broke both of Brandon's knee caps. She turned to Alexis "And what do you plan to study in college?"

"I was thinking of triple majoring in medicine, nuclear physics and archeology. My dad wants me to be an archeologist so he can go with me and pretend to be Indiana Jones."

"Your father sounds fascinating. Oh, by the way, I'm Kate Bond, the new nuclear physics teacher."

"How cool."

It was easy for Double Oh Kate to change a chance meeting with Alexis into an invitation to dinner that night with the Castle family. As Kate approached the door to Castle's loft, she was sure her walls were securely in place and she was in no danger of finding Castle irresistible. But as Castle opened the door for her and invited her in, a familiar orange cat ran to her.

"Puddy Tat?" She screamed as her walls collapsed. She reached down and hugged her long lost pussy.

"You know him?" Rick asked.

"I thought he was dead."

"I was on a book tour in London a couple of years ago when I found him. He was badly hurt and all he had was a collar that said "Puddy Tat." I took him to a vet and then took him home with me."

Then Kate and Rick looked at each other. Rick spoke first. "I was going to call up my posse of super models and go clubbing, but I think I'd rather stay home and play Scrabble with you and Alexis. If you want to, of course."

"I'd love to." Then, remembering her mission, she added. "You used to spend all your time at home, didn't you? What changed that?"

Rick frowned. "I really don't know. Things just seemed to change for me. About…"

"It was right after Back to School Night at Marlowe, Dad."

Rick nodded. "Yes. I saw the chemistry teacher, Dr. Bhoy. He had the best lemonade I've ever had. That's all I remember though."

Kate just nodded.

Although she beat Rick five times at Scrabble, Kate knew she had to find Dr. Yes before she couldn't think of anything but Rick. She promised to come back the next day and headed back to Marlowe Prep. Seeing the lights were on, she crept into the school and found a dark haired man working in the chemistry lab.

"I have you at last, Dr. Yes, or should I say, Dr. D. M. Bhoy?"

DMB laughed. "I'm drenched in my potion. I'm irresistible to you. Take of your clothes, Double Oh Kate." Dr. Yes laughed maniacally.

Kate put down her purse, removed the makeup kit L. had prepared for her and threw her eyeliner pencil through Dr. Bhoy's head.

"This makeup is useful after all." She said. Then she found the antidote and arranged with M. to have it administered to all the men who'd been exposed.

Oddly, when she saw Rick the next day, she still found him irresistible. She told him that she was not a teacher, but part of Her Majesty's Secret Service.

"That's odd. I was getting really tired of Derrick Storm and have been working on a book about a lady superspy named Double Oh Nikki. Would you care to be my muse?"

"I'd love to."

And they lived happily ever after, with no irrational breakups, no convoluted but boring conspiracies to unravel, and no gun battles at home.