745. Chapter 745

After Private Eye Caramba

Episode 7. 12

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: You're good, sweetheart. Very, very good. But I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

"You are Ricardo Castello, the famous private eye?" She asked.

One look in those gorgeous hazel eyes and I would have admitted to being Saddam Hussein or Charles Manson, if that's what she wanted. "Yes." I managed to reply.

"I am Caterina Becuette. You may have heard of me."

I nodded. Everyone had heard of Caterina Becuette. She was the most famous bull fighter in all the world. Every Saturday, thousands of men, and many women, jammed themselves into the Plaza del Toros to see her in the traje de luces, the skin tight suit of lights that bullfighters wore. Of course, we all went because we wanted to see the world's most perfect ass in all of its glory. The bullfight was secondary, especially since Senorita Becuette did no more than glare at the bull, sending it running back to its mother. "How may I help you?"

She nodded. "Do you think that you could pick your tongue up off the floor? I'm afraid of getting my shoes wet."

I smiled at her and looked down. She obviously was having an effect on me. I pushed my tongue back in my mouth. "Better?"

"I suppose." She said. "I need your help, Senor Castello. I'm being blackmailed."

"By whom?" I asked.

"I don't know. I've received anonymous letters. I have them here." She handed me two letters. Both were made from letters cut from newspapers and pasted onto the paper. The first said the blackmailer had a copy of a tape she'd made with Tomas De Ming. The second demanded twelve million pesos in return for the tape.

"What is the tape and who is this Tomas De Ming?"

She blushed, which looked adorable on her. "Several years ago, when I was using my earnings to feed all of Ethiopia, I fell in love with Tomas. We made a…" Her blush deepened. "A tape of us making love."

"How long is the tape?"

"Twelve hours. And could you put your tongue back in your mouth, please?"

"Who has copies of the tape?" I managed, once I had my tongue back in my mouth. Twelve hours?

"Just Tomas. That was the only copy we made."

"Then Tomas must be the blackmailer."

"Impossible." She said. "He is dead. Last year, we went to the annual running of the squirrels in Pamplona, Spain. It is not yet as famous as the running of the bulls, but it has its aficianados. Poor Tomas had been poor as a child and it remained with him. As the squirrels were released, he saw a one centavo coin. He bent to pick it up. I screamed at him to run, but it was too late. I had leaped onto a truck, but I could hear those tens of thousands of tiny feet hitting his body. And then he was gone."

I thought for a second. "Where did this Tomas live and work?"

"At the same place. He was a janitor at the San Tomas Home for Unwed Mothers."

"We should go there and see if anyone had access to his belongings after his death."

I offered Senorita Becuette a ride in my car, just as soon as I had cleaned yesterday's dinner from the front seat. She smiled and suggested her chauffer would bring her Rolls Royce around. I accepted. I discovered that the loudest noise in the Rolls is the sound of the clock ticking. And the sound of my heart pounding as Senorita Becuette's skirt had ridden up over her knees as she'd gotten in the car with me.

"This is not the San Tomas Home for Unwed Mothers." She said as the car pulled up and stopped.

"This is the correct address." Said her chauffer, a fellow called Rian.

She leaned over towards me and I was overwhelmed by the scent of cherries. "It says this is the San Tomas Orphanage."

We got out of the car and walked inside where a rather pudgy redhead greeted us. "Senorita Becuette. How nice to see you again."

"And to see you again, Sister Meredith. We were wondering if we could look through Tomas's things?"

Sister Meredith looked me up and down. "Got a hot one on the line, do you?"

"My relationship with Senor Castello is….complicated."

"Those are the most fun." Sister Meredith said. "Have you tried doing it in a vat of chocolate while pelting each other with marshmallows yet?"

"May I ask what order you are with?" I asked Sister Meredith.

"The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence."

"And why did you change from a home for unwed mothers to an orphanage?"

"Duh! Tomas is dead, so we have no more unwed mothers in town, just lots of orphans he left behind."

In shock, Senorita Becuette collapsed against me. I smiled at Sister Meredith and slipped her a fifty peso bill.

"But I thought I was the only one. I thought Tomas would be my one and done." She sobbed.

"Can we see Tomas's quarters?" I asked.

"He put all of his spare change into an old tequila bottle. I think the quarters and all the change went into the poor box."

"I meant, can we see where he lived."

A look of fear crossed over Sister Meredith's face. "You'll have to ask...Enfermera grande."

"Big Nurse?" I said.

"Si. Nurse Jacinda." Sister Meredith said softly.

"We don't need to see Big Nurse." I said.

"She'll need to give you a visitor's badge."

"I don't got no badges. I don't need no badges. I don't have show you any stinkin' badges." I took Senorita Becuette by the arm and led her into the orphanage.

We quickly found Tomas's room. It apparently hadn't been touched since the day he died. We quickly searched the room. Senorita Becuette quickly found an empty VCR tape box with the words "Sex Tape" scrawled on it. Looking at the writing it could have read Six Pope, or possible Sox Tale. This Tomas had such bad handwriting he could have been a doctor.

"What are you doing here?" Demanded a stern voice.

"Looking for the tape that goes in here." I replied calmly.

This could only be Big Nurse. She looked like a cross between a Sasquatch and a bulldog, but an awfully ugly bulldog at that. Her eyes narrowed. "I'll have to punish you for this breach of regulations." She sneered sadistically at us and walked toward us.

Luckily Senorita Becuette was used to this sort of thing. She glared at Big Nurse and she stopped, smiled and collapsed with a dreamy look on her face.

"We should leave. There's nothing here." She said.

Then an idea hit me. I knew who the villain in this caper was. I walked over to Big Nurse and pulled her wig off, then pulled off the latex mask that covered her face. It was hard to tell what the perp looked like, but the thousands of tiny scars shaped like squirrel's feet confirmed my guess. "It looks like Tomas didn't die after all. And he has the handwriting of a medical professional."

We hauled Tomas off to the Rurales where he confessed to everything. He had seduced Senorita Becuette and had faked his own death with the intention of blackmailing her and then heading for Los Estados Unidos where he would live a life of ease with his family in Bakersfield, California.

At the end of the case, I handed Senorita Becuette my bill. She happily paid up. Then she looked up at me with those lovely hazel eyes. "I just wish I could find someone and I could be there for him and he could be there for me, and we'd just jump into things together."

"I'd be happy to be there for you." I told her.

"Do you own a video camera?"

"No."

"Are you coming, or what, Castlello?"