707. Chapter 707

After Dreamworld

Episode 6.02

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I only dream of owning Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Captain Nikki Heat had seen many odd, bizarre and even unbelievable things since she had first met the man who was now her husband, Jameson Rook. But the sight of a well dressed rabbit hopping along on the sidewalk in front of the 20th Precinct, looking at his watch and mumbling something about being late, was the oddest, most bizarre and unbelievable thing yet.

Even if no laws were being broken, Nikki knew she had to follow the rabbit. She thought she had lost him when he quickly turned a corner, but she just saw the tips of his ears disappearing into a subway. Nikki followed, but when she got to the bottom of the stairs, what she saw was odder still.

"Curioser and curioser." She muttered. The usual grubby IRT subway had been replaced by very colorful sylvan scene. A lush green lawn was bordered with multicolored flowers and a grove of stately trees. She turned around, only to find that the stairs had been replaced by a rabbit sized hole that went straight up. "I can't climb that."

Walking through the park like setting, she soon found a man carrying a banjo. "Excuse me, sir. This may sound odd, but have you seen a white rabbit around here?"

The man stared at her. "Let's get small! Let's get really, really small." He yelled.

Nikki glared at him. "Sir, getting small is a violation of several New York City ordinances. I'm afraid I'll have to…."Reaching for her handcuffs, Nikki discovered they'd been replaced with cuffs made out of long, skinny balloons. "…let you off with a warning." She said, recovering nicely.

The man nodded and walked off.

Nikki looked around, but saw no rabbit. She climbed up a tree to look around, but still saw no rabbit. She did see two identically dressed men who appeared to be trying to look up her dress. "Perverts." She muttered. "I'm going to talk to One PP about this stupid dress code for female captains."

She dropped to the ground and confronted the two. "What are you two looking at?"

The two looked scared, then each pointed to the other. "It was him." The cried.

"Okay, let's see some ID."

"He's Tweedledemming." One said, pointing to the other.

"He's Tweedledumber."

"I do not appreciate you two looking up my dress. Understand?"

"But you have such a lovely beaver." They said in unison.

Nikki was about to unload on them when she felt someone tug on the hem of her skirt. It was a beaver.

"I'm a boy beaver. I'm not lovely, I'm ruggedly handsome." He slapped both men with his tail for emphasis.

She knelt down to talk to the beaver, being careful to keep her knees together. "You seem like a bright young fellow. I followed a white rabbit down here, but I lost him. Do you know where he might be?"

The beaver frowned in concentration and stroked his furry chin. "A white rabbit, you say?"

"Yes."

"With big, floppy ears?"

"Yes."

"And a fluffy little bunny tail?"

"Absolutely."

"Carrying a watch?"

"That's him."

"Was he mumbling about being late?"

"Right."

"Haven't seen him." The beaver replied. "But try the Mad Hatter's tea party. Everyone goes there."

"Where is this….?" Nikki began, but all three were gone.

Shaking her head, Nikki began walking. She soon ran into a smile.

"A smile?" She said, confused.

"Hola, chica. I'm the Hispanic Cat. A cool cat, you might even call me a cool boy."

Nikki raised one eyebrow. "I'll be careful not to call you Kitten, then."

"Cool." Said the smile.

"Can you tell me where the Mad Hatter's tea party might be?"

"The Mad Hatter. I know that dude. Yeah, he lived in the projects with his old lady, man. She made the best brownies. But they got kicked out of the projects on account of…"

"Can you just tell me where to find this Mad Hatter?" Nikki interrupted.

"Two trees down and it's on your left. Can't miss it."

Nikki nodded and walked off. "Pussy." She muttered.

She could hear the sound of a sitar before she saw the party. When she turned to her left, she was surprised at who she saw. "Roach? You two and a…roach?"

The two put down their roach clips and did their best to look detective like. "Boss. We were just…." Ochoa looked at his partner in desperation.

"Undercover." Raley said quickly.

"We gotta be going." Ochoa said, grabbing his partner and running.

"Can you at least tell me how to get back to the precinct?" But they were out of sight.

Nikki turned to the man who must be the Mad Hatter. He was a giant of a man, burly and unshaven. On his head was a ghastly orange and yellow knit tuque with ear flaps and an orange pompom.

"Mr. Mad Hatter?" Nikki asked.

"You want some tea, babe?" Asked the hatter.

"No. I'm looking for a white rabbit that I followed here. Have you seen him?"

"A white rabbi? Have you tried Temple Beth El?"

"A white rabbit." Nikki enunciated very precisely.

"Oh, him. Yeah he was by a while ago. Off to see the Queen in the Palace."

"And where is the Palace?"

"Same place it's always been."

"I'll find it one my own." Nikki said acidly.

"Wait one. I'll look it up on my phone, Vera." The Mad Hatter pulled out a very large phone and quickly found the quickest way to the palace. Nikki thanked him and was off.

Halfway to the palace, Nikki came across a large, white rabbit. "Excuse me, I'm looking for another white rabbit. Would you know him?"

The rabbit shrugged. "What's his name?"

"I don't know."

"Mine's Harvey. And you?"

"Nikki Heat."

"Can't help you without a name. But, remember what the dormouse said. Feed your head."

"You've been a big help." Nikki said sarcastically and continued on her way to the Palace.

Ahead of her she saw an enormous mushroom and atop it was an equally enormous caterpillar. Coming closer, Nikki could smell smoke. Suspicious smelling smoke.

"Excuse me, sir. What are you smoking up here?"

"I'm toking on papaya streaks, nature's perfect substance. You can eat them, too."

Nikki scowled. "So, you're a fruitarian?"

"No, I'm a Frisbeetarian. We believe that when you die, you're soul gets thrown onto the roof."

"Do you know the way to the palace?"

The caterpillar smiled and started singing.

"Do you know the way to San Jose?

"I've got a lot of friends in San Jose."

Nikki shook her head and went on, soon seeing a palace ahead of her.

Once at the palace, she was stopped by two people dressed as playing cards. For some reason, she felt she knew them, especially the tall man.

"Hi, I'm Nikki Heat. I was trying to find a white rabbit, but now I just want to get back to New York City. Can you help me?"

"Of course." Said the woman, a tall, slender beauty with chestnut hair and hazel eyes. "We're the King and Queen of Hearts. But you want the Queen. The White Rabbit will be with her and he can help you get back to New York. The Queen is right over there with the White Rabbit."

Nikki thanked the pair and walked over to the rabbit." Excuse me, can you tell me how to get back to New York?"

"Silence!" Screamed the Queen. "Who dares to interrupt me?"

"Excuse me, Your Highness, but I was just…"

"Your Highness? Call me SIR!" She bellowed.

"Sir?" Nikki said. She shrugged. Maybe the Queen was a Freddy Mercury fan. "Can you or the rabbit here tell me how to get back to New York?"

"Off with her head!" Screamed the Queen. "Where the Royal Executioner?"

A man on a metallic steed rode up, carrying a gigantic scalpel. "Here, sir. Who needs a little head bob?"

"Um, Sir?" Said the White Rabbit, very deferentially. "She does have the right to a trial by combat."

The Queen smiled evilly. "Oh, she does, does she?" She laughed maniacally. It was a real shame she had no mustachios to twirl. "Then we'll bowl."

Nikki smiled confidently. "Okay, I know Dude Lebowski."

The Queen led her to a bowling alley, then handed Nikki a round, black bomb with the fuse already lit. Nikki tried to throw it, but it seemed to be glued to her hand. There was an explosion and….

Nikki found herself standing on the sidewalk in front of the 20th Precinct. Exactly where she'd been when this started.

"Hey, Nikki." Said her husband, Jameson Rook. "How's your day been?"

"Uneventful."