693. Chapter 693

After Reality Star Struck

Episode 5.13

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I really don't own Castle. Rating: K+ Time: See above.

"So you really don't mind?" He asked.

"No. Actually, I'm not just getting used to the attention I get as Mrs. Castle, I find it's useful. And occasionally fun."

"I'm all about fun." He said with a smirk.

"Like the police picnic where people got to throw water balloons at Rick Castle for charity?"

Castle grimaced. "I should have known that someone who'd been a baseball fan since she was a toddler would have a wicked fast ball….oon."

"And it helps that this is for my favorite charity." She reached over and kissed him. "One that my husband began back when I was still trying to convince myself that I wasn't madly in love with him."

"But you never were able to resist that ruggedly handsome man, have you?"

Kate suppressed a smile. "Somehow I managed to resist you for a number of years. After all, you're on record as saying that you really didn't care for me. You were just having fun playing cop."

He groaned. "You'll never forget that, will you?"

"No. But lucky for you I have so many favorable memories of you."

"We're here, folks." Their cabbie interrupted them. "WHNY TV."

Once inside WHNY, they were met by a bright and eager intern. "Hi, I'm Nancy. I'm a senior at Hudson, majoring in film. Welcome to Cooking with Constance."

Nancy was standing entirely too close to Rick for Kate's comfort and she had way too many buttons on her blouse undone. And it was plain that she wasn't wearing a bra. Kate took Rick's arm. "We've been here before, so we can find our way around." She headed for the studio.

"If you need anything at all, Mr. Castle, let me know. Anything!" Nancy called after them.

"I'm not entirely sure I'll enjoy this one." Kate said under her breath.

"She's just an excitable fan, Kate. Everyone knows I love you and you alone."

"Not Nancy, I'm guessing. She looked like she was about to haul her boobs out and ask you to sign them. Or more likely, write a chapter of the next Nikki Heat book on them."

Constance Clark looked like a chef should look. She was plump, blonde and had a perpetual smile on her face. As she said, she had spent over forty years as a chef and the only thing she liked better than cooking good food for others was cooking good food for herself.

"Mr. and Mrs. Castle? I'm Constance. I am so happy you two could come. This is our annual celebrity cook off. Don't worry too much about the cooking part of it. The show is all on tape, so if something goes dreadfully wrong, there's plenty of time to fix it. But things rarely go wrong. Cooking with Constance is all about making good, delicious but simple food for ordinary folks. The theme this time is mix and match, so you'll have to combine foods from two separate cuisines. I read your entry and you're doing Mexican and Italian?"

Kate nodded. "My husband is a great experimenter in the kitchen. Have you ever tried smorlelttes?"

"Smorlettes?" Constance looked puzzled.

"An omelet made with a graham cracker, six marshmallows and a chocolate bar." Castle said proudly.

'You're not making that tonight, are you?" Constance barely disguised the look of horror on her face.

"I can if you want." He said hopefully.

"No, we should stick to the script." Constance said very quickly. "We should meet the other celebrity guests." As the three walked away, Kate was shocked to see Constance grab Castle's ass and squeeze.

"This is Tom and Lara Bowen." Constance gushed. "They're novelists as well. Romance novels."

"Actually, it's Lara and Tom." Lara said coldly. Tom glared at his wife and turned away. "I'm the one without writers' block and without another thing that doesn't function." She said bitterly.

"Bitch." Muttered Tom.

"What did you say?" Lara said, looking like she was ready to explode.

"Which?" Constance quickly interjected. "Which wonderful dish are you bringing to us tonight?"'

"Oh, I have a dish in mind, all right." She stepped towards Rick and slid one hand around his waist.

"This is my wife, Kate." Rick said, beginning to babble. "My lovely wife…Till death do us part…Forever…Always…"

But Lara kept staring at him with lust in her eyes. "Who cares?"

"I care. Captain Kate Castle, NYPD. You know, one of those people who carries a gun and keeps people from taking things that don't belong to them?" Kate moved Lara away from Rick forcefully without injuring the woman.

"Well, you can always use the rolling pin tonight." Tom said nastily. "It fits now."

"And it has more personality and technique than you do." Lara shot back.

"We should move on." Constance said with false cheerfulness. She looked over at the next cooking station. "Susan, how are you?"

The woman nodded at them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Castle, you know Susan Gale, the Ledger's lifestyle editor. And where's your partner, Mark, from the sports section?"

Susan, a slender brunette, smiled, took a step forward and fell into Rick. "Mark?" She slurred. "Off banging some cheerleader." She looked up at Castle and giggled. "I did things for that man that I've never done before, not for any man. Things that I never thought I'd ever do, and do you know what?"

Castle, smelling alcohol on her breath, grabbed her under the arms and was trying to hold her up and find someplace to lean her on, or otherwise keep her upright. "What?"

She giggled again. "I loved it. I loved it all." Susan got out of Castle's grasp and slid to her knees. "Let me show you."

Both Rick and Kate hauled Susan to her feet as Constance called for some stagehands to come and get her as full of coffee as they could manage.

Constance shook her head. "I've never had so much…" She looked at Rick and Kate who were both frowning. "…fun. These celebrity cook offs are so much fun. But now I have to introduce you to our last couple, Ron and Jeremy from WHNY's own show, Ron and Jeremy DIY. These are the Castles and what delicious treats do you have for us tonight?"

Ron and Jeremy were in their trademark jeans, plaid shirts and billed caps. "We're making a Chinese-Caribbean dish. Pulled mu shu pork with…."Jeremy began.

"No we aren't!" Ron insisted. "We're making pulled pork chimichangas, with rice and black bean paste."

"Which is dreadful!" Jeremy said." And it's tasteless."

"Tasteless? After the curried sushi you tried to make? That wasn't just tasteless, it did so much damage to my taste buds, I didn't think I'd ever taste again. Do you want to know what tasteless really is?"

"Well, you'd know tasteless better than anyone."

Ron was turning red with anger. "Tasteless is making an omelet with a graham cracker, marshmallows and a chocolate bar. It was inedible. Even the feral cat in the alley ran from the garbage can when I threw it out."

"Constance?" Called the stage manager. "We're ready to start shooting."

"So is everyone else." Rick muttered.

Martha and Alexis were waiting for them when they got home. "How did it go?" Martha asked.

"Who won?" Alexis wanted to know.

"We won." Kate announced, but didn't seem too happy about it. "But only by default."

"What happened?" Martha asked.

"Lara and Tom made a wonderful pasta dish with Weiner schnitzel, but when Lara and Constance started tasting it, they began throwing up and Tom ended up wearing the food. We suspect sabotage."

"Constance threw up on one of the interns." Kate recalled with pleasure.

Rick continued. "Susan Gale from the Ledger made some sort of Thai-French dish, but then she fell face first into it."

"We're not sure what Ron and Jeremy were going to make. They ended up in a food fight."

"But we won." Kate said, smiling. "And we got a nice donation for the Johanna Beckett Scholarship Fund."

After sharing their spaghetti and chorizo meatballs with the redheads, Rick and Kate were left alone.

"You're never going to tell anyone about what Ron said about smorlettes, are you? Jeremy got the recipe wrong, I'm sure."

"I don't know. Are you willing to make a generous donation to the Johanna Beckett Scholarship Fund?"

"Absolutely." Said, happily.

"Then my lips are sealed."

"They'd better not be."