620. Chapter 620

After The Mistress Always Spanks Twice

Episode 2.16

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Spank you very much, but I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

World famous reporter Jameson Rook was happy to get back to his luxurious loft so that he could relax after a hard day. However, he had no sooner shut his front door than he fell flat on his face. He tried to rise, but something was on his back, holding him down. He craned his head around and saw one gorgeous leg, encased in skin tight suede, knee high boots. Above the boots were black fishnet stockings. He could see no farther up than that, but he knew that the woman above him wore a tiny black leather bikini that showcased her perfect body.

"Nikki? Why are you doing this to me?"

"Why?" Nikki Heat screamed. "Why do you think?"

"Really, I have no idea."

"Let me give you a hint. Bree Exlax. You had lunch with her today."

"No, I didn't. I was eating at the new sidewalk café in trendy Spanish Harlem when she came by begging. Her career as a true crime writer is over because of us."

"Because of me, don't you mean?" Nikki interrupted.

"Of course."

"And you were staring at her boobs." Nikki accused.

"No, I was wearing the welder's goggles you always make me wear when you're not there. I didn't see a thing."

"I heard her moaning." Nikki said triumphantly.

"I gave her my soup and it spilled all over her." Rook stopped. "Wait! You were there?"

"Disguised as the potted palm." Nikki smiled coldly. "And you forced me to go to your ex's wedding? The woman who turned the lights on for you?"

"That was true. You know I've never been good with mechanical things." Rook began to cry. "Besides, it wasn't their wedding. They were renewing their vows after twenty years. We only dated once and she dumped me to marry Greg."

"Did you get to first base?" Nikki demanded.

"What?"

"You got to second base?" Nikki raged.

"Never. You're the only woman for me, Nikki."

"What about that murderous hooker, Scarlet Half-Price? She was in your loft with you."

"But I proved to you with the security tapes that we were only alone for thirty eight seconds."

"In other words, more than enough time for you."

"When you put it that way…."

"And what about all those other women?" Nikki said accusingly.

"What other women? There's only you."

"Your ex-wife? The Deep Fried Candy Store?"

"We just talked, Nikki, I swear it."

"What about that rock singer. You worked as a roadie for her band, The Purple Pimpmobile, for your story. Are you telling me you didn't indulge in the lifestyle? Sex, drugs and rock and roll?"

"I did drink some heavily caffeinated beverages and I tried to teach them some Broadway show tunes, but none of them would have anything to do with me. Nothing happened, I swear." Rook began to cry.

Nikki looked coldly into Rook's eyes "Bachelorette Number Three."

"For god's sake, Nikki. That was a mistake by the New York Times-Picayune. They switched the winners of the Westminster Dog Show with the bachelorettes. I ended up dating a Doberman pinscher."

"I'm told she had quite a smile on her face the next morning."

"She likes to fetch." Rook confessed.

"And that model? You were undressing her with your eyes as I stood there! Admit it!"

"No, Nikki. I was dressing her with my eyes with seventeen layers of clothing. Something appropriate for climbing Mount Everest."

"That's not the mount you were thinking about, was it, Rook?"

"I only fantasize about you, Nikki. You are the only woman that's ever let me kiss her. Someday I hope for more."

"Not if you keep claiming that you won that Pulitzer Prize, you won't. After all that I did to correct the drivel you wrote."

"But I spent the money from the Pulitzer on you." Rook moaned.

Nikki sighed. "I'm not a difficult woman, Rook. I don't mind you associating with other women. Didn't I let you call your mother on her birthday?"

"We only talked for thirty seconds before you hung up."

"You can talk again on her next birthday."

"Nikki, you know I care for you. Didn't I distract that Swiss warlord when he tried to get the phony passports for his terrorist granddaughter?"

Nikki nodded her head slowly. "I tried to warn the fools. The Swiss would have us think that they sit in their mountain fastness and make chocolate and run banks. And when we let out guard down….Well, they're not calling them the Gnomes of Zurich anymore, are they?"

"And I stood up and shouted "BANG! You're dead!", so you could get a clear shot, didn't I?"

"It's lucky you weren't hurt badly." Nikki said softly.

"I was in the hospital for eight months and they sewed my nose back on upside down. Do you know I could drown if I go out with no umbrella in the rainy season?"

"It's all about you, isn't it, Rook?"

"What about that crook Vader who beat me to a pulp?"

"Really? She was ninety seven years old and in a wheel chair. And being a day late returning your library book doesn't make her a criminal."

"I would in any sensible place." Rook muttered under his breath.

"Besides, you know the internet. The video went viral for several months and it's practically nothing now. It gets, what? Two, three million hits a day? Actually, the one with Gangnam Style as background music is pretty catchy."

"What about that cold blooded hit man, Dick Raccoon? The fact that he wore a mask all the time should have tipped somebody off to something."

"Rook! Everyone thought he was a Milla Jovovich fan! Everyone knows Americans can't tell one East European from another. Besides, being shot in the liver can't have hurt that much."

"Oh? Well, because of a clause in my health insurance, I had to accept a raccoon liver as a replacement. Do you know how many times I've been arrested for knocking over garbage cans and stealing the food?"

"Forty seven times. Seventeen convictions, the judge let you skate the other times because she thought you were a cutie, what with your little tail and all."

"My what? I don't….Do I?"

"Just relax, Rookie. Now, I'm afraid I'll have to be nasty to you now. That's just the way I am. You know, like the scorpion and the frog joke. I do it because this is the Middle East."

"This is Manhattan!"

Nikki shrugged. "Okay, the Upper Middle East Side of Manhattan."

Kate Beckett sat straight up in her bed. "God! What an awful dream." She glanced at the clock by her bed. She had been asleep little more than an hour. She shook her head to try to clear it. "I am not jealous of any of Castle's ex-wives, or ex-girlfriends, or any other woman he's ever been around. As far as I'm concerned, he can sleep with any woman he wants to. Except me, of course." But she remembered she had been upset in the dream. Nikki had been jealous and she was…."No! I'm not Nikki Heat. That's absurd. And I don't treat Castle any worse than he treats me with his pornographic sense of humor."

But, she thought of the times Castle had risked his life with her. "Just because he's risked his life, and saved mine, means nothing. It doesn't mean he has any feelings for me except lust. But a little voice in her head laughed. Tell yourself that, Kate. Tell yourself you weren't the least but jealous of how easily he got along with a real woman. Not one of those empty headed bimbos you think are his type, but a real woman. And while you're at it, tell yourself that Castle isn't risking his life every day because he wants to be with you. Go ahead. It makes perfect sense that he has some other reason, doesn't it?"

Kate shook her head violently. "Damn it! Castle is not what I want and not what I'll ever have. I can forget about him as anything but a partner."

Kate rolled over to go back to sleep. As she closed her eyes and drifted off, the little voice whispered, "Sure."