59. Chapter 59

After A Death in the Family

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Um, is this something I own? Uh…No. Rating M, for language. Time: See above.

"Lanie, I really thought he liked me." Kate took another sip of her wine. "Okay, I realize I'm not his type. I'm not some glamorous super model, or some rich society babe. And he's not really my type either. I mean, a twice married and twice divorced millionaire playboy? Really? It just wasn't going to happen. But he was nice to me. He complimented me. Okay, he made me feel like I was special and he made me laugh. I thought we could be…friends."

"Sweetie, it's best that you found out about him now, before he'd told you enough lies so that he'd break your heart." Lanie saw tears forming in Kate's eyes. Oh, damn that man. He did break her heart.

"I just don't understand why he did it. Was his damned book so important that he needed to know everything about me to make Nikki Heat more real? Not that she's at all real, or that she's anything like me. Nikki Heat? That's a stripper's name. I should have known just from the damned name."

"Kate, give it a rest. He isn't worth it, believe me."

Kate though back on her brief relationship with Castle. Okay, she hadn't been as nice as she could have been. She could have just accepted him as something she couldn't avoid. She had threatened to shoot him, to break his legs. She had told him she hated him. Did he really hate me that much?

"Does he really hate me that much that he'd do the one thing that he knew would hurt me the most?" She asked.

"He's a rich, spoiled playboy who probably hasn't met a woman who hasn't fallen madly in bed with him in years. He just a self-centered asshole. Forget him."

"I can't forget what he did to me." Kate said quietly.

"Kate, we should go out. I know this little jazz club, not too far from here. We'll have a blast. And there are lots of cute guys there. Nice guys. Ten times better than Castle. What do you say?"

Kate shook her head, and put her glass of wine down. "No. I'm really not in the mood, Lanie. Thanks, but no thanks."

Kate left and went to her Crown Vic. She intended to go home, but didn't. She found herself parked in front of Castle's loft, looking up. There were lights in his windows. Someone was home. Maybe it was Castle. Perhaps he was with some empty headed bimbo, laughing about what he'd done to some stupid detective who had trusted him just a bit. Just a bit too much.

Kate used her badge to get past the doorman, warning him not to call Castle, and found herself in front of his door. It could be Martha in there. Or Alexis. Or all three of them. How the hell can anyone treat Alexis and Martha so well and treat me like he did? Kate squared her shoulders, took a deep breath and knocked loudly. I hope he is in there with some half-dressed slut. That'll make interrupting them that much more fun.

Kate was disappointed when Castle opened the door. She looked past him. He obviously had no company. "Are you alone?" She asked.

"Yeah. Alexis is at a sleepover and Martha is at…Well, she's at a sleepover, too." He stepped back. "Won't you come in?"

Kate walked in and shut the door behind her.

"Can I get you something? A drink?" He asked, awkwardly.

She glared at him. "I think you know this isn't a social call, Castle."

"So, what is it?"

"So, what isit?" She said coldly. "What the fuck do you think it is? If you had tried. If you had used all of that imagination that you're so proud of, if you had devoted yourself to it night and day, could you have done something that would have hurt me more? Could you? Can you at least have the decency to tell me why you just had to do this to me?"

"I never wanted to hurt you, Beckett."

"Well, what in hell would you have done if you had wanted to hurt me, Castle?" She growled.

"I did look into your mom's death, but I never told you about it until I had some solid evidence. If I had found nothing, you'd have never known about it. I swear."

"This is my life, Castle. Do you understand that? I am not your personal property to do with as you wish. This has to do with me and me alone. Can you comprehend that?"

He shook his head. "This is not about you alone."

She slapped him, hard, before she realized what she had done. It felt good. "You arrogant, egotistical bastard. This is not about me? Do you think everything, every fucking thing, is about you?" She was starting to cry, which made her even angrier. She balled her fists at her side.

Castle looked at her fists. "If you want to hit me again, go ahead. I deserve it for making you so unhappy. But it's not about just you anymore, Beckett."

She felt the rage flow out of her, replaced by sadness and a deep weariness. "What is it about, Castle?"

"Four people are dead. Four families have lost a loved one. They all have a hole in their lives just like you do. There's evidence that these were not due to random violence, just as you suspected. This was the work of a professional. They were targeted. And at least one of those people was connected to your mother. This really is about more than you."

Kate stared at the floor for a long time. "Why did you do this?"

"I've been hanging around this detective. She never gives up. She's relentless. And she's remarkable. Some of it must have rubbed off on me."

Kate smiled slightly, not letting Castle see. "Was it worth it?"

He nodded. "There's only one thing that would be worse than losing our relationship….."

"What's that?"

"Letting you live in the pain that I know that you live in, for your whole life, never knowing who killed your mom. Never seeing him punished."

Kate stood here for long minutes. "Let me see the damned files."

Castle walked back into his office and came out with the files. "The top one is the forensic report I asked for. The next four are the original autopsy reports."

Kate scanned through them and then back and read them carefully. He was right. There was more here than just random street crime. "Castle, I don't know if I can do this."

"I'll help. I have resources. We can do this."

"We? I don't know if this can be done. It's been ten years. I don't know if I could face this…I don't know if I can forgive you…I don't know…" Kate stopped as tears ran down her cheeks. Castle moved as if to comfort her, but she held up her hand to stop him. She tucked the files under her arm and left.

She quickly left and went back to her car. She sat there, staring at the files. This wasn't about Nikki Heat, or about punishing me, or about massaging Castle's over-sized ego. In his own bizarre, egotistical and thoroughly Castle-esque way, this was about me. He wanted to help me. I was right. He does like me. I just can't handle Castle trying to help me. She put her hand on the files on the car seat beside her. But can I do this? Can I face this?