521. Chapter 521

After The Final Frontier

Episode 5.06

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: May the farce be with you, for I don't own Castle. Rating: K+ Time: See above.

Author's note: Yes, Big Kahuna, this one's for you.

The spaceship Strained Entity limped into the Alliance world of Gangnam and landed with only a few, mostly unimportant, pieces falling off. Captain Kate Reynolds grabbed her brown coat, one of thousands she had in a special compartment of the ship, and got ready to debark. She nodded to her pilot, Gina Washburn. "Good landing, Wash."

"Any landing that you can crawl away from, pulling mostly unimportant parts from your body is a good landing." The blonde replied.

"I beg your pardon?" Captain Kate said. "That's certainly not my definition of a good landing."

"I'm trying to write a book, Captain Kate. All about piloting a Fire Bird class transport out in the Black. I was trying to be more dramatic." Gina replied. "I'm hoping to find a good editor here."

"Better look for a good ghost writer." Kate mumbled as she walked away.

She immediately ran into scantily clad Meredith Serra, a member of H.O.R.E., Happy Orgasms, Ridiculously Expensive. "Captain Kitten, can you loan me a few thousand until I can get on my back?" Meredith simpered.

Captain Kate shook her head. "Durn it all, young filly, I ain't made of coin of the realm."

"Is that a no?" Meredith said, beginning to cry. "It's so hard to tell when you use that Western patois."

As Captain Kate pushed past the HORE, Shepherd Lanie Boob approached the redhead. "Sweetie, we can go into town and shoplift from Victoria's Secrets."

Captain Kate turned around. "You be careful, you two. Sir Victoria is no one to mess with." Even Captain Kate shuddered at the thought of what was rumored to go on in her lair. No one knew, actually, as they were secrets. "Who knows what evil lurks within the heart of Her?" Captain Kate whispered.

Captain Kate watched as their engineer, Tory Frye, ran off of the ship. "Be back soonest, Captain. I need new batteries for my…." The woman blushed.

"Your electric toothbrush?" Captain Kate kindly finished for her.

"Exactly." She said, running off the ship.

Next off the ship was Jane Cobb, their muscle for when things went bad out in the Black, as they almost always did. Jane Cobb was a genetically modified super soldier created for the late war and left without employment with the outbreak of peace. A sometimes regrettable side effect of the genetic modification had left her with an insatiable sexual appetite. Jane was over six feet tall with long legs and red hair that fell in curls down her back to her magnificent ass. However, most men noticed her 40DD boobs, which were, just barely, contained in her always wet tee shirt. The shirt had been tailored to show off her rock hard abs, but her personal motto was still visible on the tee: Dance Like It Hurts, Love Like You Need the Money, Work When Someone's Watching. These words of wisdom were some of the few remaining epigrams ascribed to the great philosopher from Earth That Was, Saint Dogbert. As always, the only other garment she wore was a pair of red panties.

"Where are you going, Jane?" Captain Kate asked.

"Off to the beach. I hear they have some wicked waves here on Gangnam. I hope to find a spiritual guide, a sorcerer, a minister, in other words, a kahuna. Cowabunga, dudette."

Captain Kate frowned. "You want to find a Jewish priest?" (Oddly enough, kahuna is also the Hebrew word for priest. See? My fanfics are also educational.)

Jane shook her head, causing her boobs to bounce and set off the seismographs at the University of Gangnam. "Captain, I respect you because you're the only woman who has a finer ass than mine, but you really need to get out more." She left, crying. "Surf's up!" and humming Misirlou.

"What is this?" Captain Kate muttered. "A freaking Quentin Tarantino flick?"

Captain Kate sighed as saw Wash's wife, Zoe Davidson, carry her into their bedroom, tearing their clothes off as they went. If only I had a man of my own. She thought.

As if by magic, their passenger, Rick Timtam and his odd daughter, Alexis, appeared.

"We're just going into town to see if we can find an eight dimensional chess set for Alexis here. And perhaps we can attract the attentions of the ruthless agents of the Alliance as we always seem to." Rick was good at giving exposition. Captain Kate couldn't help wondering if he was good at giving anything else.

"Ready, Turnip?" Rick said, using his favorite term of endearment for Alexis.

"A way a lone a last a loved a long the riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs." Alexis replied calmly.

"Glad to hear it, Alexis." Rick said with a smile.

Alexis nodded solemnly. "Thus the unfacts, did we possess them, are too imprecisely few to warrant our certitude."

"That almost made sense." Captain Kate commented. "She's getting better."

"Phall if you but will, rise you must: and none so soon either shall the pharce for the nunce come to a setdown secular." Alexis said happily.

"Or not." Captain Kate said. "Perhaps I should go with you?"

The three walked happily through the open air market of Gangnam. Kate shyly took Rick's hand as they walked. Captain Kate felt that her walls, which had been there since the age of nineteen when her mother had been brutally fired from her job as an explosive ordnance disposal tech, were finally beginning to fall. The loss of her career had nearly destroyed Johanna "Butterfingers" Reynolds. With her father in a bottle, literally, Kate had never been the same, until Rick and his daughter had come along.

"Oh, look, Kate." Rick said happily. "There must be an episode of CSI: Gangnam filming around here. There are two men with those blue gloves that crime scene techs wear."

Kate's hand dropped at once to her sidearm, but it was too late. Alliance soldiers had captured them. The two blue gloved men approached the trio, smiling coldly. Behind them Captain Kate could see her nemesis, Senator Skunk, who had masqueraded as a local crime boss. Kate wondered how she could have been fooled by the old fake glasses with a fake mustache trick. Too late now.

"Agent SoreSome and Detective Phlegming." Kate said bitterly. "So you have me at last. Why not let my two friends go? They mean nothing to you."

Both agents laughed cruelly. "Captain Kate, you're as good as dead." SoreSome said. Then he giggled girlishly. "I've been waiting to say this for years." He cleared his throat. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men." SoreSome began, but before he could recite the second sentence, Jane Cobb ran past wearing nothing but her signature red panties.

"Rick! We have to run! The men will be stunned by the harmonics of her boobs bouncing for about ten minutes." Alas, Rick was staring at the retreating ass of Jane Cobb and beginning to drool.

There was only one thing for Captain Kate to do. She hated to do it, but…."Jane, can you come back here and grab Rick and carry him back to the ship? We have to get out of here."

Jane turned and jogged back to where the threesome was. (No, not that kind of a threesome. If you're good, maybe I'll write that one.) Jane picked up Rick, Alexis and Kate and ran back to the ship. Kate rushed to the controls, knowing they had time, since every man within fifty kilometers of Gangnam City were staring and drooling. Retrieving her crew, Captain Kate headed for the Black.

Days later, hiding out in the rings around a gas giant, Captain Kate sat with Rick, holding his hand and wiping the drool from his mouth from time to time. Jane had slung Rick over her shoulder so that his head rested on her boobs, with predictable results.

Suddenly, his eyes snapped open. "Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."

"You do?" She said, smiling. "You really do?"

"Always." He replied.

"We should get Shepherd Boob in here now. No sense in waiting around for years for this." Kate said.