439. Chapter 439

After Dead from New York

Episode 7.22

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I'd be dead if I said I owned Castle. Just kidding. Rating: K Time: See above.

Mickey Franks leaned into the camera, and looking as seriously as he possibly could, intoned, "Tonight on About an Hour or So, we'll be taking to famed NYPD detective Kate Beckett and her husband, ruggedly handsome writer, Rick Castle." Mickey turned to Kate, who was trying not to look as nervous as she felt. "Good evening, Detective Beckett, and Mr. Castle, and welcome to…." There was a drum roll and Mickey finished with," About an Hour or So. "

"Thank you." Kate said, smiling.

"Thanks as well. "Castle said.

"Kate, we here at.." Drum roll…."About an Hour or So, are here to ask those hard hitting, no holds barred questions that our viewers want answered. So, with no further ado, how do you keep your hair so perfect while chasing down killers?"

Kate sighed dramatically. "I guess it had to come out sooner or later." She turned to Castle and opened his coat. In two shoulder holsters Rick had a blow dryer on one side and an extra large can of hair spray on the other. Inside his jacket were combs, curlers and other hair care products. "In addition…" Kate reached in and pulled out an arm from an actress who was hidden behind the couch Rick was sitting on. "Rick always carries a beautician with him so that I always look my best. Of course, my police car also has a complete makeup station in the trunk. In addition, we also allow some of our perps to use the facilities. I really don't want to be seen escorting an ugly, disheveled perp into interrogation."

"Fascinating." Mickey said. "Many of our viewers have wondered how you manage to chase down killers wearing four inch heels. We have some film that may enlighten them."

A short video showed Kate running after a perp who was dressed in a track suit. Naturally, Kate chased him down easily. Then the camera pulled back and Kate was shown to be riding on Castle's shoulders using a horse whip to urge him on. The video them showed that two actors who looked much like Ryan and Esposito were hanging onto the perp's legs.

Kate shrugged. "You've got me there, Mickey. But the important thing is that I looked good." Castle leaned over to whisper in her ear. "And we caught a ruthless criminal who was eight seconds late returning a library book."

Mickey nodded portentously. "I can only say that I, as a New Yorker, will sleep more soundly tonight knowing that vicious criminals like that will rot in jail for many…seconds."

Kate smiled happily, as did Rick.

"We have another something that we'd like to share with our viewers. Of course, we all know that all evil super villains, at least those worth worrying about, have a secret lair. The lair is usually in an abandoned warehouse in a run down area by the docks. Guess what our crack team of investigative journalists found in a certain seemingly abandoned warehouse on the Hudson River waterfront?"

Kate looked at the floor and blushed. "You didn't?"

"As our viewers can see, we did." Mickey was replaced onscreen with another video. This one showed a large, seemingly abandoned warehouse. But inside were row after row of shoes and boots with four inch heels. As the camera went down aisle after aisle of shoes, the audience saw sandals with four inch heels, shower clogs with four inch heels, running shoes with four inch heels and finally racks of panty hose with four inch heels.

"How many of those do you own?" Mickey asked.

Kate shrugged. "I have no idea. Rick's accountant might know, but we don't."

"And this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg." Mickey said. More videos showed warehouses full of jackets, another warehouse of long coats and one filled with skinny jeans.

Kate sighed. "At least they didn't find what I wear to bed at night."

"That's because she doesn't wear anything to bed at night." Castle said happily as the audience cheered.

Kate glared at him, rolled her eyes and bit her lower lip.

"That's adorable." Rick told her.

"And we have another scoop from the crack investigative journalists at…" Drum roll. "…About an Hour or So." He turned to Kate. "Tell the truth, Detective. Aren't you really the author of the Nikki Heat series and not your husband?"

Rick looked absolutely shocked. This hadn't been in the script. "What?"

Kate blushed and looked at Rick. "Sorry, babe. I'm afraid that's the truth. I'm really the author of the Nikki Heat books."

"Kate?" Rick cried. Then he saw Kate wink at him. He decided to go along with the gag. "I mean you had some input, but to say you wrote all of the Nikki Heat books?"

Kate nodded. "It's true. Castle was going to write a book about an Amish female homicide detective in New York called Priscilla Prim. Even after five years of marriage to her husband, Jebediah, she was still a virgin. The plot was that hitman "Ice" Cold shot mobster "Big Tom" Schlemming during the seventh game of the World Series right behind home plate with Derek Jeter at bat. Regrettably, Rick found he had written himself into a corner. He couldn't figure out how Priscilla would solve the case. Naturally, I had to step in."

Rick bridled at the statement his wife had made. "I had plenty of ideas about how Priscilla would solve the crime. The best one involved time travelling, cyborg, zombie, extraterrestrial penguinoids who had created an alternate reality covering just Yankee Stadium. "

Kate rolled her eyes. "See what I had to work with?"

"You have no proof that you wrote Nikki Heat." Castle said smugly. "Everyone knows I wrote those books."

Mickey smiled. "Actually, we have a witness who can corroborate Kate's story. This week's guest host for Saturday Night Tonight, the amazeballs, Martha Rodgers!"

Martha came on stage to applause and sat next to Kate. She took Kate's hand. "Hang in there, kiddo. I'm glad the truth about those books finally came out."

"Mother!" Rick said. "You can't be serious."

"Richard, you had better admit that Kate wrote all of the Nikki Heat books, or I'll tell everyone about the Derrick Storm books."

"The Derrick Storm books?" Mickey said excitedly. "Is this an on the air scoop for…Drum roll. "… About an Hour or So."?

Martha nodded sadly. "Richard's daughter Alexis wrote all of the Derrick Storm books. Every word. To tell the truth, Richard has had such terrible writer's block that he can't even look at his laptop. Why he gets nauseous if he even sees a pencil."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Rick demanded.

"Because, Rick, …" Mickey began.

"Live…" Martha began.

"…from New York…" Kate said.

"It's Saturday Night Tonight." Martha finished.