422. Chapter 422

After That '70s Show

Episode 6.20

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Go ahead, make my day. Ask me if I own Castle. Rating: T Time: The '70s, Baby. Dig it?

Author's note: I had so much fun with Chapter 276, I decided to continue in the same vein.

Disco Heat

By

Richard Castle

"Dirty Jameson" Rook looked at the dead body of his number one ears on the street, "Honey Bear" Perlmutter. Honey Bear was sitting in his purple pimpmobile bleeding on the sweet faux zebra skin seat covers and all over his scarlet bell bottoms and snakeskin boots.

"What can you tell me, Lanie?' He asked the stone cold fox who was his favorite medical examiner.

Lanie took a deep breath so she could answer the ruggedly handsome detective without a quaver in her voice. He is so fine. She thought to herself. "Four .357 Magnum rounds to the chest. They used hollow points, so I doubt that ballistics will get enough to match them to any weapon in the system, sweetie."

Dirty Jameson shook his head. Once he'd have been perfectly happy to sleep with the ME, but since everyone around him had started dying from snipers, bombs and assorted automatic weapons fire, his social life had suffered greatly. It was the least he could do for the city he loved. And it gave him more time to blow holes in bad guys.

Rook nodded. "Okay, doctor. Send me your report ASAP."

"I can bring it to your crib tonight." The ME said desperately. "I can bring wine, oysters and strawberries dipped in chocolate. Everything. Anything!"

Rook slowly shook his head. "Sorry, but I have to kill a crazed sniper tonight up by Coit Tower."

"Tomorrow?" She said, beginning to cry.

"No. I have to go to Alcatraz for a little problem."

Then, the ruggedly handsome cop turned and walked off into the fog, and from somewhere the song Shake, Shake, Shake Your Booty was playing.

Lanie broke down in tears.

"Castle! You can't possibly write that. Do you have any idea what Lanie would do to you if she found out about that?"

"Who's going to tell her?" Castle smiled at his gorgeous fiancé. "Besides, if this ever gets into print, I'll change it all around."

"Oh, you should change it all around, all right. Completely."

"Like you could do better?"

Disco Heat

By

Kate Beckett

Detective Nikki Heat got out of her dark green Mustang hatchback and stopped for a second, as she always did before approaching a murder scene. Then she walked up to the two detectives who were standing over the body. "What do we have Toots?" She asked.

"Toots" were Detective Timothy O'Toole and Oscar Taverez, mashed up as Toots.

O'Toole answered. "It's the pimp that's always hanging around Captain Rook, "Honey Bear" Perlmutter. He's been shot four times at close range with a .357 Magnum."

Heat's hands instinctively went to her own 44s. No, not those 44s. She was carrying a matched pair of Smith and Wesson .44 Magnum revolvers. "Do you think a rival pimp shot him?"

Taverez laughed. "The pimp with the ugliest girls on the planet? Why? The only person who ever used his services was…"

"Captain Rook!" Nikki said quickly, seeing the head of the precinct emerging from an alley.

The captain looked a bit green and unsteady. "Are you all right, sir?" Nikki asked with all feeling she could manage. Which wasn't much.

"I'll be fine." Rook said. "A bit of a stomach bug, I think. It hit me just as I saw…" Suddenly Captain Rook ran back into the alley. They could clearly hear him vomiting.

"He passed out once from shock after getting a paper cut." Taverez said.

"He once heard a police woman mention her period and threw up." O'Toole commented.

"Don't worry. I'll handle this investigation. And I'll keep Rook busy." Nikki reassured them.

Rook staggered back out of the alley. "I think I'll go back to the precinct. Can you gave me a ride, Heat?"

"It's the building right across the street, sir."

"It is?" Rook said, looking confused. "Could you tell me which one?"

Nikki pointed to the building with the large sign on it that said, "20th Precinct."

"Um, could I buy you a cup of coffee then?" He asked, daringly.

Nikki shook her head slowly. "No, I have to go make someone's day."

"But it's night time." Rook said, checking to see that the sun was really down and that he hadn't just forgotten to take his shades off again. He wondered again why they called sun glasses "shades"? They didn't give him any shade. Perhaps he was wearing them wrong.

"So, I'll make someone's night."

Nikki had only meant that she'd have to permanently end the career of one of the thugs that infested the streets of San Francisco, but Rook assumed that the remarkable and beautiful detective with the long, slender, well muscled legs, the perfect ass and the righteous pair of 44s, (Yes, those 44s.) was going to be with another man tonight. Rook ran across the street and into the precinct before anyone could see him cry. As he ran, they heard the song Heart of Glass playing.

"I think the captain is sweet on you." Taverez said.

Nikki's stomach was strong enough that she did not vomit.

"What?" Castle cried. "Rook, throwing up at a crime scene. And using ugly hookers? And….That is so bad. Let the master show you how it's done."

Disco Heat

By

Richard Castle

Arriving back at the precinct, Rook was summoned to the office of the precinct captain, Captain "Iron" Bottom. As usual, Captain Bottom was behind her desk. Rumor had it that she hadn't managed to get out of her chair in years. "Rook, you need a partner." She said. "The regs say you have to have one and I go exactly by the book."

"A partner? I work by myself, Captain. I'm a lone wolf. A one man army. I walk the mean streets of San Francisco alone. I do not need or want a partner."

"I'm your new partner." Said a sultry voice.

Dirty Jameson whirled around. The speaker was as foxy a fox as he had ever seen. She was perfect from her long, slender legs, to her so fine ass, to her slim waist and righteous boobs and on to her perfect face, framed by a mass of honey brown curls. He noticed the gleam in her hazel eyes.

"Or you could have Dumming, instead of Detective Beckett here." Iron Bottom said.

"I'll take Detective Beckett." Rook said at once.

Hearing that voice made Heat's nipples tighten and she felt a warmth and wetness between her thighs. She wondered if he'd take her right there on Captain Bottom's desk. She wondered if he'd clear the paperwork off first.

But Rook was all business. "A pimp was just killed with four .357 Magnum rounds to the chest. We had a similar murder last week, "Doc" Davidson, proctologist for every thug and hood from here to Mexico. No one knows all the things he had his hands in."

"If he was a proctologist that should be obvious." Nikki said.

Rook nodded. She was not only beautiful but smart. "And before that it was "Sorry" Sorenson, a former cop who moonlighted as a hit man for the Swiss mob, you know, the Gnomes of Zurich."

"Anything else?" Nikki asked.

"Before that it was Eric "English" Vaughn. He ran a Ponzi scheme to launder mob money. He not only got four rounds in the chest, he was found in a dryer in a laundromat in the Sunset district. Poor guy. He had just found a parking place, too."

"Sounds like a vigilante reducing the number of wise guys." Nikki concluded.

Rook nodded again. She wasn't just gorgeous and smart, she was gorgeous and brilliant.

Somewhere in the precinct, the song Lady Marmalade was playing.

"That's a little better." Kate admitted. "But it needs some work."

Rick scoffed. "It's perfect as is. I dare you to better. To try to do better."

Disco Heat

By

Kate Beckett

Detective Nikki Heat actually liked Captain Jameson Rook. With his beer belly, receding hairline, missing teeth and flatulence, he reminded her of her granddad Skippy. Poor Skippy had disappeared years ago after losing all of his money in a rigged bull fight in La Plaza del Toros in Rosarita Beach, Baja California. Never bet on a matador nicknamed El Patoso. You can take that to the bank.

"There have been four similar shootings in the past month here in the City by the Bay." Nikki said.

"There have?" Rook said. "I mean, there have. Which ones do you know about?" He asked, hoping to conceal his own ignorance.

Nikki explained about the shootings of "Doc" Davidson, "Sorry" Sorenson and Eric "English" Vaughn. "All were shot four times in the chest with a .357 Magnum."

"It could just be a coincidence." Rook speculated.

"There are no coincidences in murders." Nikki pulled out her car keys. "Want to take a little ride with me?"

"Where?" Rook asked suspiciously.

"You know, the usual. Drive down the Embarcadero headed for Candlestick and have the Bay on our right. Pass the Stick and turn onto Lombard Street and be able to see the Golden Gate Bridge through the windshield. Maybe we could end up at the Cliff House and watch the sun rise over the Pacific."

Captain Rook shook his head sadly. "Sorry, I get carsick."

Before Nikki could reply, O'Toole entered the captain's office. "Sorry to bother you, ma'am, but Dumming has accidentally locked himself in a stall in the ladies room again and can't get out."

"Did you send someone after him?" Nikki asked, before Rook could reply.

O'Toole shook his head. "He's terrified of women and we can't send a man in, NYPD regs won't allow it."

"Could we use a K-9?" Rook asked.

"The dog would probably have better manual dexterity than Dumming, be smarter, and have more pleasing breath." O'Toole conceded. "But he's afraid of dogs, too. A puppy once mistook him for a fire hydrant with tragic consequences."

"Oh, hell." Nikki said sharply. "I'll go drag him out."

"I can't allow that." Rook cried.

"What did you say…..Kitten?" Nikki glared at him.

Rook collapsed on his desk and began to cry.

Nikki strode to the ladies room and opened the door. "Dumming this is Nikki Heat, throw your weapon out and come out of there with your hands behind your head. I won't ask you again."

Dumming threw his weapon out and the .357 Magnum fired four times, shattering the mirror.

Nikki smiled. "I feel lucky, punk."

Once Dumming had been removed from the ladies room, Nikki explained what happened. "Dumming is no vigilante, just incredibly clumsy. He's known as El Patoso in the Hispanic community. And he had a defective weapon. It was just bad luck that he kept dropping his weapon around known wise guys. He's obviously not competent to stand trial, but the mayor has agreed to use him as a food taster. For some reason a lot of people don't like Mayor Bracken. This'll be the eighth food taster this year."

Captain Rook had been building up his courage all night and finally asked Heat, "Would you have coffee with me?"

"Sorry. But Dumming gave me a lead on my granddad Skippy. I have to go track him down." She stopped at the door to Rook's office and said, "I'll be back."

In the background, Rook could hear, I Will Survive. He doubted it.

"That's terrible. Rook and Nikki love each other." Castle said.

"You're right. Perhaps we could collaborate?"

Disco Heat

By

Richard Castle and Kate Beckett

Rook and Nikki made love to the sounds of Rook's collection of Barry White tracks.

"We solved the case together." Nikki whispered in his ear.

"That's what partners do." Rook said with a smile.

"And partners do what we're doing now?" Nikki giggled.