420. Chapter 420

After The Way of the Ninja

Episode 6.18

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: There are no ninjas, nor do I own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Rook and the Ninja

By

Richard Castle

Captain Sir Jameson Rook, of the Honorable East India Company's Ship Spitfire, strode through the streets of Kyoto, the ancient Imperial capital of Japan. Rook listened to the talk in the crowded streets around him. Learning Japanese had been simple for him. After all, he already spoke and read fluent Latin, French, German, Irish Gaelic, Russian, Arabic, Turkish, Aramaic, Mongol, Chinese, and had a working knowledge of English thieves' cant.

"Look at the ruggedly handsome long nosed ocean devil." Said a slender and comely young woman.

"Observe how the man's muscles glide over his body." Said another woman.

"I would leave my husband in a moment for him." The beautiful wife of a wealthy merchant sighed.

"What a self centered oaf." That last was from Herr Doktor Sidney Perlmutter and in German, Perlmutter being the disgraced and illegitimate offspring of a demented Bavarian nobleman, Ritter von Demming, and a common woman of the streets known only as Meredith the Readily Available. Alas, Herr Doktor Perlmutter was also the ship's surgeon and a giant pain in the ass.

"Wot's that, mate?" Bosun Kevin Ryan said.

"I said it looks like rain." Perlmutter replied, not knowing that Rook spoke German.

Rook merely smiled at the doctor's little insult.

Suddenly, there was a scream. Rook whirled around to see a lithe, female form being dragged away by a dozen samurai. His hand flew to his sword hilt. The blade flew from its scabbard, lightening quick.

"Ye should be careful, sir." Ryan muttered.

"Why?" Rook asked. "There are only twelve of them."

Looking around he saw that Herr Perlmutter was running at top speed for the ship. Not wishing to embarrass the doctor, Rook called out after him, "Good thinking, Doctor. Go get help."

Rook calmly advanced towards the swordsmen who drew their own weapons when they saw him coming. Their leader, an ugly looking lout, stepped forward. "Stand back, Englishman. This is none of your affair."

Rook bowed to the man. "I'm afraid when a member of the fairer sex is in trouble, it is always the affair of Captain Sir Jameson Rook."

"So, you are the famous Jameson Rook. I will delight in killing you." The man smiled nastily.

Rook only shrugged. "I doubt that."

"Castle! What are you writing?" Kate asked, looking over his shoulder.

"I thought I might try my hand at a little historical fiction. You know, I had Nikki become the captain of the 20th Precinct and she'll be marrying Rook, so I'm not sure how that series is going to go."

"Oh?" Kate asked coldly.

"I mean, I'm sure everything will work out perfectly well, I just don't know how yet."

"So you're writing hysterical fiction?"

"Historical fiction." Castle corrected.

"Perhaps I could give you a little help?"

"You can try."

The Ninja and Rook

By

Kate Beckett

Nikki-san drifted through the streets of Kyoto like a wisp of smoke, keeping track of the English sea captain. Although considering the way he and his companions were blundering about, Nikki-san hardly needed one of her finer disguises to keep track of him.

"Dash it all." Captain Rook grumped. "Can't these bloody savages understand English?" He turned to a companion. "I say, Merlputter, can't you jabber at them?"

Dr. Perlmutter ignored the mangling of his name. "I am very sorry sir, but German is not Japanese."

Rook looked confused. "They all sound the same to me. One Johnny Foreigner speaking sounds the same to me, so why can't you talk to them?"

Luckily for the good doctor, Rook was distracted by a shiny object.

Nikki-san listened to the people commenting on Rook.

"Does he ever take a bath?" A lovely young lady said.

"About as often as he changes his underwear, I'd imagine." A lithe beauty replied.

"That reminds me." Said the beautiful wife of a rich merchant. "I need to buy a pig today."

Suddenly, hands grabbed Nikki-san. Looking around, she saw it was only a dozen samurai, nothing she couldn't handle easily. Unfortunately, Rook had seen her.

"I say! What a magnificent bottom on that young wench. I wonder if I might have a bit of a tussle with her." He began walking towards Nikki-san and her captors.

The head samurai stepped in front of Rook. "Get lost, English pig, before I chop you into tiny pieces."

Not understanding a word of what was said Rook reached inside his pants for his money. Alas, his underwear had not been changed in many a year and the smell quickly over powered the nearest three samurai, one of whom fell on Rook, knocking him down. Nikki-san took the opportunity to knock out the remaining nine samurai.

As Rook staggered to his feet, she whispered to him, "You must flee. Eric van Vaughn of the Dutch East Indies Company sent these men after you. And soon the dreaded Doctor Rickshaw Boy as he is known will be after you."

Nikki-san then disappeared.

"What?" Castle cried. "Rook hadn't changed his underwear in years? Be serious."

Kate shrugged. "Bathing and washing your clothes wasn't that common among seventeenth century Europeans. Check Wikipedia."

Castle shook his head. "Let me do this."

Rook and the Ninja

By

Richard Castle

Sir Jameson Rook sighed. Although one of the most deadly men in all of Europe, he did not enjoy injuring his fellow men. However, when the honor of a member of the fairer sex was at stake, Rook had no choice. The twelve samurai rushed him, but Rook, lithe and quick as a tiger, had soon disarmed them all and knocked them unconscious. He did pause to carve the letters JR in the buttocks of the head samurai as a warning to all who would attack a fair maiden in Jameson Rook's presence.

"You are Captain Sir Jameson Rook, the famous explorer?" The lady asked, in awed tones.

Rook shrugged. "Explorer, scientist, writer, humanitarian, philosopher, lover of beautiful women and when required, savior of ladies in distress." He said modestly. Rook's eyes narrowed. "But your hair, your eyes, and your coloring. You're not Japanese."

Nikki-san nodded. "I am Nichole Heat. My parents and I were shipwrecked in Japan, but they died soon after. I was raised by Father Javier Esposito, SJ. I sometimes do small errands for him. Such as warning you about the plot against you by the Dutch East Indies Company."

Rook smiled. "I know all about van Vaughn's little scheme, and I have no fear of this doctor. I have defeated him many times. He hardly even tries anymore."

"You are truly as magnificent as the legends state." Nikki-san said, resting her head on Rook's massive chest. He could feel her breasts push against him as his hand stroked her perfect ass.

"We should go to bed." Nikki-san whispered.

"Really?" Kate said, laughing. "Rook is channeling Zorro? You should have mentioned that he wrote plays for his pal Will Shakespeare and discovered inoculations for smallpox."

"Good idea." Castle grabbed for the laptop.

"That was sarcasm, Writer Boy. Now if you'll let me write something believable?"

The Ninja and Rook

By

Kate Beckett

Nikki-san saw at once that Rook's sword had been in its scabbard for so long that it was rusted in place. Even if he managed to draw the weapon, he was obviously no match for even one trained samurai warrior, let alone a dozen. Rook proved this by falling down while trying to draw his sword. Rook fell to his knees, hitting his head on the hilt of his sword and looked blankly about him. "Oh, look at the pretty birdies." He mumbled.

Rolling her gorgeous hazel eyes, Rikki-san began to disarm the samurai, using the ancient techniques of the ninja that she had been taught since childhood. Before they knew what had hit them, the samurais were unconscious.

She pulled Rook to his feet. He grabbed her bottom at once to steady himself. Nikki-san refrained from breaking his hand as she removed it.

"We must go before others arrive."

"I say!" Rook mumbled. "I understand Japanese now. Smashing."

"I'm English. My Parents were shipwrecked here when I was a child, but died soon after. I've been raised in an orphanage run by Father Javier Esposito, SJ." And trained in the arts of the ninja in the only Christian ninja clan in Japan. Nikki-san thought to herself. "But now we must flee."

"Why?" Rook asked, confused.

"Did you hear what I told you?" Nikki-san asked, rolling her eyes.

Rook frowned. "Something about going Dutch?" He guessed.

"No! Van Vaughn of the Dutch East Indies Company is plotting against you."

"What? Good old Dutchy Vaughn? Don't be absurd, girl. He stood me a bottle of rum when last we met. Oddly enough, I passed out and when I came to, all of my maps of Japan were gone. Bloody unlucky."

"Not unlucky. Van Vaughn stole them from you and he is sending the feared "Doctor" after you. Look, there he is."

If Rook's undies were a trifle dirty before, they soon became much browner. "Oh my god. He used to beat me terribly back at school at St. Dismas Under-the-Midden School for Young Gentlemen in Straightened Circumstances. That's quite near Wyre Piddle, on the River Avon, don't you know."

"We must leave now." Nikki-san said, knowing she couldn't defeat "The Doctor" and protect Rook at the same time.

"Smashing!" Rook replied. "Do you have a place near here?"

"We need to get you a bath and wash those clothes." Nikki-san said, trying hard not to gag.

"You cannot possibly be serious." Castle said.

Kate shrugged. "We could compromise, I suppose."

The Two Ninjas

By

Richard Castle and Kate Beckett

After dispatching The Doctor and recovering Rook's maps from van Vaughn, Rook and Nikki-san took a long, hot bath together and then made love. They both knew that they had found their one and done.