317. Chapter 317

After Boom

Episode 2.18

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: And then….Boom! He doesn't own Castle. (With apologies to John Madden.) Rating: K Time: See above. But no longer in the Casketty Alternate Universe of my previous story.

"Complicated?" Jordan Shaw said quietly. She shrugged. "So is catching serial killers, but that doesn't mean we don't try to do anything about them. Are you just willing to leave it at "complicated"? Don't you think you should think about it, at the very least?"

"Think about it, or talk to you about it?" Kate shot back.

Jordan grinned. "Okay, I'd like you to talk about it."

Kate stared at Jordan. "And you want me to talk about me and Castle because…?"

"I'm a profiler. I'm able to profile people like Scott Dunn because over the years, I've picked up thousands, maybe tens of thousands, of little bits of information about people. I've met people like Dunn before, so I knew things about him. I can extrapolate others. So, indulge me, for the next time I need to profile someone."

"Do you think you'll run into serial killers like Castle and Beckett?" Kate asked smiling. That was absurd.

"Serial killers, probably not, but who knows? But I may run into all sorts of people whose heads I need to get inside to do my job. Not necessarily criminals. I've had to deal with perfectly innocent witnesses who were afraid of looking stupid in front of a woman, of not being the macho in charge type. I've had my fair share of trouble with other police, including the FBI Agents who couldn't stand the thought that their pet theory was wrong. Once I had to convince one of them that he thought of a new theory." Jordan smiled at the memory.

Kate sighed. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"Where do you see this unorthodox relationship with Castle going?"

"Going? Why would it go anywhere?"

"No relationship is completely static, Kate. You know that. He cares for you, Kate. He cares an awful lot. May I remind you that Castle rushed into a burning apartment to get you out? And that he followed you into a deserted building to face an armed serial killer? And he's a writer, not a cop." Jordan smiled. "And you were perfectly willing to hand Castle your backup weapon and let him be your backup."

Kate hadn't thought of the relationship was going anywhere. But, she realized that the relationship had changed since that day two years ago when she walked up to Castle at a book release party and introduced herself. He had gone from being an annoying tag along, to being her partner. How had that happened without my really thinking about it? Kate thought some more. Finally, "I don't really know where this is going. I don't."

"Where do you want it to go?"

"I want Castle as my partner. He's unorthodox, as you say, but he's good. He's a friend, as well, but I don't want any more. I don't ever see Castle as…a boyfriend, or a lover, or…" Kate stopped.

"Or?" Jordan asked.

"Or…" Kate wasn't sure what she wanted to say.

"Or a husband?" Jordan suggested.

"No! Where did that idea come from?"

Jordan laughed. "Just a suggestion."

Kate shook her head determinedly. "Castle's not interested. After all, he's been married twice before."

"Hmm."

"Hmm?" Kate questioned. "What does that mean?"

"Usually someone who isn't interested in marriage doesn't ever get married. People who have multiple marriages often want to be married, but just haven't found the right person." Jordan looked at Kate expectantly.

"I hope you're not trying to say that I'd be the right person for Castle?" Kate was shocked at the idea. Sort of.

"I can't say. But he does care for you, Kate. Sooner or later he's going to want more than just being your partner and you should be thinking about what you'll do then. You'll have to face either moving forward in the relationship, or seeing it end."

Kate knew she didn't want her partnership with Castle to end. "Like I said, it's complicated. My mother…"

"Was murdered." Jordan finished for her. "I look into the histories of the people I have to work with. And you decided that you would never let yourself be hurt like that again, so you gave up having any kind of relationship that might open you to that kind of pain again." Jordan noticed the look on Kate's face. "Hey, I'm a profiler. Did you think that you were that hard to read?"

"I guess I'm not." Kate said grudgingly. "So?"

"Are you happy like that?"

"I manage." Shit! I'm not only lying to her, I'm lying to myself. Castle has made me realize that I'm not happy.

"Jordan?" Agent Avery said, coming up from behind her. "We have to be going. The plane for DC leaves in less than an hour."

Jordan Shaw checked her watch. "So it does." She turned back to Kate. "It was good meeting you, Kate. I hope everything works out with Castle, however that is."

Kate watched as Shaw said goodbye to Castle and left the precinct. What am I going to do? She's right. Relationships are dynamic. If Castle isn't really interested in me, one day he'll write his last Nikki Heat book and be gone. More likely he'll just fade quietly out of my life. That's funny. Thinking of Castle doing anything quietly. But he'd be gone. As long as I keep my distance from Castle, I'll be all right. If I let him get to me, if I let our friendship go too far, I'll be in deep trouble. I couldn't handle losing a man that I love and I know that Castle will leave eventually. Oh my god! Could I actually fall in love with Castle? What am I thinking of? Kate sat and thought for a moment. I know what I was thinking. I was jealous of Castle and Kyra. No one saw it, but I was. And I was jealous of Castle and Jordan Shaw. Not that I thought that he was going to seduce her and take her to bed. That's absurd. But he was so impressed with her and all of her fancy FBI toys. I thought he was impressed with me. I thought he was my partner.

Kate thought hard. I know what I have to do. Keep Castle on the other side of my wall. Keep him out of my heart at all costs.

"Ready to go home?" Castle asked her.

"Pardon?" Kate had been so busy thinking that she hadn't seen Castle coming.

"The case if over. Are you ready to go home? To the loft?"

"Sure. Let me get my things. I'll be ready in a second." No! I am not going home to the loft. The loft is not my home and it never will be. I must remember that.

"Good. I thought we'd order out for some Chinese tonight. Maybe we can watch a movie. What do you like? Action adventure? Mysteries? How about heist movies? Maybe some sci fi? Do you even like sci fi."

As Castle babbled on, Kate gathered her things. This could be entirely too easy to get used to. I'm really going to have to watch myself with Castle.