293. Chapter 293

After Kill Switch

Episode 7.08

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: ABC would kill me if I said I own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above

"Want to talk about it?" Ryan asked.

"Talk about what, bro?"

"Before you got out of the car, you were talking about wanting more with Lanie. I'm thinking that a near death experience would intensify those feelings. Or does it just make you want to be more of a jackass?"

Esposito looked at his partner and finally spoke. "How did you know Jenny was he one? Was it all at once, was it gradual? How?"

Ryan frowned. "Gradual and then, boom. At first, I thought she was cute, and funny and great to be around. And then one day I decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. How about you and Lanie?"

Now it was Javi's turn to frown and think. Finally, "It's kind of like an old car. Everything moves in fits and starts. One minute everything is great, the next she thinks we need to take a break. Before, she thought we should stay the way we were, friends and lovers, but no more. After the subway thing, she acts like she wants more, but she hasn't made any definite commitments."

"You could bring that up to her, you know."

"Yeah, and she might decide to run. I really don't know what to do, man."

"Do you want to know what I think?"

"No." Javi said, but he smiled.

"I'll tell you anyway, since you aren't smart enough to figure out what you need all by yourself. You should make a move. If it isn't in the cards, you haven't really lost anything. And if she wants more, too, you're all set. The one thing you can't do is stand pat."

Espo nodded. "I'll think it over."

"Don't take too long."

….

"Beckett? Mind if we talk?"

"Aren't we talking now?"

Epso gave her a look. "You've been around Castle too long."

"Probably. What do you want, Javi?"

"When did you know that Castle was the one for you?"

"Is this about Lanie?" Kate asked quietly.

"Yeah. I guess."

"You shouldn't ask me, then. I did about as much to ruin my relationship with Castle as you can do and not actually ruin the relationship. I'm very lucky to have him. I could very easily have lost him, and believe me, my life would be miserable without him. I know that now."

"Yeah. But when and how did you know you loved him? That he was the one for you? The only one?"

"It's hard to say, Javi. I tried so hard to not love Castle. Looking back, though, I was falling in love with him before I ever met, and started dating, Demming. I was positive that Castle would never be my lifelong love. I knew he'd just break my heart. I didn't love Tom, or Josh for that matter, but I knew they'd never break my heart like Castle could and did. After I was shot, I knew he loved me and I loved him, but I was afraid. I was afraid of being hurt like I was when my mom died, and I was afraid that Castle would distract me from pursuing my mom's killer. I now know that living without Castle is infinitely more painful than anything I could think of. And, catching my mom's killer wouldn't have been possible without Castle."

"So when and how did you know?"

"Javi, what I'm trying to tell you is, imagine being without Lanie for the rest of your life. When you know what that'll feel like, you'll know."

….

Kevin Ryan looked nervously around the break room, then approached Castle. "Can we talk?"

"Sure. You don't even need to make an appointment. What do you need?"

"It's about Javi. He wants to get serious with Lanie, but he's afraid. He's afraid if he pushes her on it, she'll just back off, or back him off."

"Don't you think Javi should talk to me about this?"

"Sure. Mr. ex-Green Beret Supercop "I don't need no one because I'm so awesome."? I think it was all he could do to force himself to talk to me about it. Anyone else would be even harder for him."

"And you've come to me for advice because if my vast experience with the fairer sex? My intimate knowledge of women? My unbelievable command of…"

"Actually, it's because I never saw anyone have as much trouble getting a girl as you had with Beckett. I figure if you could convince Beckett to marry you, you'd be able to give me some advice to help Javi."

"Your confidence in me is touching, Ryan." Castle said sarcastically. "But, never let it be said that Richard Castle ever turned a friend away. That said, I'm not sure that I have any insights that would relate to Lanie and Espo. I noticed that Beckett was hurt, badly hurt, on our first case together. Eventually, she told me about her mother's death. I knew that Kate had to get over all of that pain and I had very little idea of how to do that. Other than being my usual, charming self, of course. So, we became partners, then friends, then best friends, then lovers and finally man and wife. But it wasn't easy. She seemed to be looking for her pain relief everywhere but with me. I wonder now if I should have been more proactive. You know, told Beckett that I liked her, cared for her, wanted something with her that was more than what we had. Sometimes I tell myself it would have worked, and other times I think she would have seriously hurt me."

"This is not helping." Ryan said with a sigh.

"Women are different. But, and I know I'm taking a risk here, I think Javi should go for it. Tell Lanie how he feels. At least make an effort. He doesn't have to propose tomorrow, in fact, he shouldn't. Just let her know in gentle stages that he wants more. I think she wants more, too."

….

"I don't know what to do, Kate." Lanie took another sip of her wine.

"We both know Javi. I know his good points as a friend and as a cop. But tell me, what don't you like about him as a boyfriend and possibly more?"

"He's always had a roving eye. He always flirts with other women. Like Tory Ellis. Now I know she has no interest in that man, but he always gets close to her and makes little comments to her. Basically, I just don't know if I can trust the man." A sudden thought came to Lanie. "Did he ever come on to you? Before Castle, I mean?"

Kate shook her head. "When he came to homicide I was his boss. I made it very clear from the start that there would be no fooling around. And I had a bit of a reputation, too."

"Sure, you were the youngest person to ever make detective. You were good."

Kate laughed. "When I was a uniform I had problems with guys who couldn't keep their hands to themselves. I told them to stop or else, and if they didn't, I kicked them as hard as I could in the balls. And I kick pretty hard. After a couple of guys spent some time walking funny, word got around."

"Not a big help to me, sweetie."

"All I can tell you is that I knew, absolutely knew, that Rick Castle would never love me. Then I knew he'd never love me as much as I loved him. I knew he'd never ask ne to marry him. Then I knew he'd never actually marry me. Lanie, I saw how devastated he was that he missed our first try at a wedding. It broke his heart. The guy I thought would never love me. Lanie, you have to take a chance.'

….

Castle slid into her with his wife, kissing her softly. "So you talked to Lanie and I talked to Ryan about the same thing?"

"I think they'd make a great couple and I think they'd be happy together. And I think it would last."

"But both of them are afraid. Remind you of anyone we know?"

Kate slid across the bed and put her arms around her husband. "Does it ever. Every once in a while, I think about how many times I almost lost you. My reaction when you looked into my mom's case. Tom Demming. Lying to you about hearing you say that you love me." She kissed him. "You are a wonderful man, Rick Castle and I'm lucky to have you."

"Normally, I'd be the first to agree with you, but not tonight. I made my share of mistakes, too. Ellie Monroe, Jacinda, not telling you about Smith. Not telling you how I felt about you earlier."

"So we're both very lucky, aren't we?"

"That we are, Mrs. Castle."

"Indeed we are, Mr. Beckett."

They both laughed.

"But will Lanie and Espo be so lucky?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. I really don't know."