157. Chapter 157

After Little Girl Lost

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I'd really be lost if I said I owned Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Richard Castle stood in his bathroom wearing only his boxers and carefully looked at himself in the mirror. "Am I getting old?" Being Richard Castle, he had to answer his own rhetorical question. "Of course I'm getting old. Everyone, everything gets old. But am I getting so old that I might be in danger of becoming an adult? One of those serious people who worry about the state of their liver, and check their blood pressure every day? Someone who checks their bank account before they buy something? Someone who…?" he shook his head. "No. That isn't me."

Being Richard Castle, he felt compelled to argue with himself. "Something happened on this case. Something that just does not happen to Richard Castle." Being honest with himself, he had to raise an objection. "Yes it did. Cathy Cole, junior year. You were crazy about her. She thought you were the biggest dork in school. She thought Roger Casemate was so cool with his little scraggly beard and his book of poetry. You were jealous! Admit it."

He shook his head at his reflection. "Hormones. I was sixteen. You remember all the things those hormones caused you to do." He smiled and his reflection smiled back. Those were very good memories.

But he was stubborn. "You've seen other men kiss Meredith. And there was that time you walked in on her and that stuntman when she was supposed to be taking Alexis shopping and forgot. That was a lot more than kissing. I was lucky Alexis was well behind me. And Gina! She's had several boyfriends since you divorced. That never bothered you one bit. How many other women have you been with, dated or otherwise lusted after and had no problems once you were over them? Now there's a problem for a math whiz."

His reflection tilted its head and frowned. "Admit it. When you walked in on Beckett and Sorenson there in the break room making out, you were jealous. You were just happily walking into the precinct with a great idea and there they were, and, boom, you were jealous. Admit it."

"I was surprised. That's all." He lied convincingly.

"Surprised?" He said to himself. "Is that the best you can do? And remember, I was there."

"Maybe just a bit. I mean, Beckett is not an unattractive woman."

He and his reflection both nodded their heads. "She has great legs, doesn't she? And a great ass. I think we could even say that Kate Beckett has a perfect ass. Her boobs are nice, not great boobs, but she makes the most of them. And she's got a magnificent face. You'd love to run your hands though her hair, wouldn't you? Kiss those lips? Stroke those cheekbones?"

"Fine! Have it your way. I wanted to be Sorenson. I wanted to be the one kissing her. She's a very hot woman. So what?"

"That's it?" He asked himself. "You don't find her…remarkable?"

He nodded. "She's in such pain and she still goes out there every day and immerses herself in the pain of all the world. I could never do that. I don't have that strength. I don't have her dedication, her passion, her commitment. I couldn't be Kate Beckett."

"And we're fascinated by her, aren't we? We want to know Kate Beckett. Not in the Biblical sense, but in every other sense. She's one of the few meaningful women in our life. You need to be with Kate Beckett." His voice went lower. "She completes you."

"Dad!" Alexis called. "Are you talking to someone?"

"No!" He said guiltily. "I'm just running some dialogue from the book. It helps if I hear the words, not just see them on the page."

"Okay. Good night."

"Good night, Pumpkin." He turned to his reflection. "This discussion isn't over."

…...

Kate Beckett stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. She had trouble sleeping sometime after a difficult case. This was a tough case. She told herself. A mother kidnaps her own daughter to spite her husband. No happy endings here. Theresa and her sister Nina were going to jail kidnapping. Alfred would never be able to support himself and Angela the way Theresa had been able to. He might not even keep Angela.

"And I'm not awake because of Castle." She said that aloud and she was surprised at the vehemence with which she said it.

Will was wrong. I do not like Castle. Okay, I'll admit that I no longer dislike him. He can be a pain in the ass, but there's more to him than I thought. He knew he could be risking his life delivering the ransom money. Ninety nine percent of the time, the kidnappers would have killed him if anything had gone wrong. Castle accepted that. So I was worried about him. So? I know him better now. I know his mom and his daughter. Even when I said I hated him, and I didn't mean that, I wouldn't have wanted him to get killed or hurt. Well, maybe a little hurt. Just to let him know he isn't Superman.

He's smart, and as Montgomery said, he thinks outside the box. I never would have thought about the bunny. But he did. I had a doll once and Mom said…NO! I won't go there.

I didn't really feel anything when Will kissed me. Whatever we had was gone. Well, he left me! He put the job first. She had to laugh to herself. Right. He put the job first. Just like I always do.

I did feel something! Damn it! I did. When Castle walked in on us, I was…upset? Embarrassed? Guilty? Like I owe Castle anything? He's probably in bed with two super models right now. I am not interested in Castle. There is no way in hell I am interested in Richard Castle. I mean he is interesting. And fun. And…

I need to get to sleep.

…

Will Sorenson sat in his apartment sipping a beer. Another bad case. They all were. But this one reminded him of what he'd lost. Kate wasn't coming back to him. Even I Castle wasn't there, she wasn't coming back to him. It was over. He could see how she'd fall for him, though, even though she was as hard to read as ever. Castle wasn't that much of a challenge. He was falling for her all right.

He finished his beer. I hope it works out for her. She needs someone. She needs someone badly. Too bad it wasn't me.