141. Chapter 141

After Reality Star Struck, Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Really? You think I own Castle? Rating: K Time: See above

"Lanie, I don't know what to do." Kate sat in her friend's apartment, sipping wine.

"Sweetie, what's the problem? You're with Castle now. It's what you wanted and, I'm happy to say, it's what everyone, including me, has been telling you that wanted, and needed, for years."

Kate smiled to herself. "I know. And it's great to finally be with Castle. I love him, Lanie. What I feel for Castle is nothing like I felt or anyone else in my life. It's…unbelievable. And scary."

"Scary?" Lanie frowned. "Okay, I can see a lot of emotions that he might bring out in you, but fear? Are you serious?"

"Lanie, I've gone further with Castle than I have with any other man."

Lanie smiled hugely. "Now I want to hear all about that? Give!"

Kate blushed. "That's not what I mean. I'm not talking about sex."

"I hope you do more than just talk about sex with Castle. If you aren't, I'll have to have a real serious talk with that boy."

"Lanie! That's not what I mean. In every relationship I've ever had, I've always kept one foot out the door. Especially after my mom was killed. I slept with Demming, but I never let him come to my place. It was always at his. I'd stay with Josh, or he'd stay with me, but we never came close to moving in together. I always made sure he never started leaving things at my place because it was more convenient. I never left anything at his place other that some cosmetics and bath stuff."

"I have a feeling I know why you didn't. Or should I say who?" Lanie teased.

"Castle is different. My Valentine's Day present to him was a drawer in my place. It's more than just a drawer. He can move anything he wants in with me. And I've already started leaving clothing and personal things at his loft."

"Sounds serious."

"It is. I just don't know how serious he is about me."

Lanie shook her head. "Girl, will you please pay attention? He's been following you around for years. Sure, at first he was with other women mainly because you acted like you thought he had the bubonic plague or something. Sure, he took off with that ex-wife of his, but only after you got serious with Demming."

"I was never serious with Demming." Kate said heatedly.

"It sure didn't look that way to me. And I'm sure it didn't look that way to Castle. And after you broke up with Josh, he had no social life. No more than you did. Oh, he did date that bimbo stewardess, but only because you stupidly lied to him. What does this man have to do to convince you he's crazy about you?"

She shook her head. "I don't know, Lanie. I know what I want. I want what my mom and dad had. I want a family. I want a husband who'll be with me for the rest of our lives. I want children. I want to be the kind of mom to my kids that my mom was to me. I want my husband to be a father like…"

"Castle is with Alexis?" Lanie finished for her.

Kate nodded. "Yes. Castle's been married twice. I know, neither marriage was happy, or at least the divorces were unpleasant. I don't know if he wants to make the kind of commitment I'm looking for."

"I'd say his level of commitment to you over the past four years has been pretty consistent,"

"Okay, but then there's children. I started thinking about that because the Ryans are trying to start a family. I started wondering if Castle wants more children. He's raised a daughter who's an adult now. Would he want to do that all over again? I mean he's in his early forties now. He'd be mid- sixties or older by the time our kids got to college. Would he have kids with me just because I want kids, not because he wants kids with me? I can't do that to him."

"Kate, I can't give you an answer. I'm not Richard Castle and he's the only one who can answer your questions. But look at the man. Look at what he's been to you. Look at how he's changed. No one can give you any guarantees, Kate. I can't, and Castle can't. Life doesn't work that way. But if he isn't the best chance in your whole life to get the life that you want, I don't know who is. Stay with him, sweetie. Tell him how much you care. Tell him how much you need him. Don't push him, by any means, but just be there for him and you know what? He'll be there for you."

"Thanks, Lanie. I just hope he does want what I want." Even if he doesn't, I know I'm his for as long as he wants me.

"Good for you, sweetie. Go get him." And a little hint to Castle might not be a bad idea. Just a reminder that if he breaks her heart again, he'll end up on my table.

"I don't know. I just don't know."

"Listen, kiddo, if you don't realize that Katherine is the best thing that's ever happened to you, you're even dumber than I thought you were."

Castle laughed. "I just wish you wouldn't sugar coat your opinions, Mom."

"Then what's the problem? You're together. It's what you've wanted for…years."

"It's just…It's just that I've never been able to read Kate. I've never been able to figure out where I stand with her. That summer when she was dating Demming, I thought that at best she sort of accepted me as her partner and tolerated me otherwise. Now I find out she wanted to come to the Hamptons with me and when I showed up with Gina, it broke her heart."

"That's ancient history, Richard. You're certainly not breaking her heart now."

"I'm just saying how much trouble I have knowing where I am with Kate."

"And what worries you now?"

"She once told me that she'd never be the person she wanted to be, she'd never have the kind of relationships she wanted to have, as long as her mom's murder was unsolved. Her mom's murder is unsolved, so where does that leave us?"

"It leaves you two together, where is exactly where you should be. Kate wants you and she wants you for the long haul, kiddo. Just give her time. The longer you're together, the more you'll want to be together."

Castle thought for a moment. "Then there's children."

"Wonderful! Will I be a grandmother again? Soon?"

Castle raised an eyebrow at Martha. "Not soon. Don't get me wrong, raising Alexis was great. The best thing in my life until Kate. But I raised her as a single parent. Alexis never had a mom and I never really had a wife who'd help with Alexis. I'd like to be able to raise a couple of kids with Kate as a family. I'd like to see what I've missed, but…"

"But?" Martha asked.

"She's a cop. She's dedicated to her career and to catching her mom's killer. I could be old and gray before that happens."

"She also loves you as much as you love her. I'm sure you two can work things out. You just need time."

"Okay. As long as she's with me, we have time."

"See, Richard? All that worry over nothing." Although a hint to Kate might not be such a bad idea.