109. Chapter 109

After The Eye of the Beholder, Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Have you been paying attention? I do not own Castle. Rating M Time: See above

Kate Beckett was happy. She was sitting across from Castle in Remy's watching him enjoy his burger. The murder of Bryan Hayes had been solved and they had recovered a fifty million dollar piece of art. And Castle was sitting with her and not with Serena Kaye. And things could have been much worse. She thought. Why can't I just say what I want to say, or at least learn to keep my mouth closed? When Castle asked if he should pursue Serena, I said he should do as he pleased. I should have told him to do as I pleased and not have anything to do with her. I should have told him he should be with me. He should be my partner and my….That's the problem, isn't it? I want Castle to be my lover, my boyfriend. I want him to push me up against a hotel wall and kiss me senseless. Too bad I'm afraid.

It could be worse, I suppose. She thought. In her mind's eye she was back again with Castle in the bull pen and he had just asked if he should pursue the relationship with Serena. Sure, Kate imagined herself saying, take her someplace nice. Wine her and dine her. Get a nice quiet booth where you can slide your hand under her skirt. I'm sure she'll open her legs for you. She'll be wearing something low cut, I'll bet, so you can probably grope her boobs with your other hand. In no time at all, she'll be in bed with you, screaming your name and begging you to fuck her brains out.

In her imagination, Kate suddenly saw herself sitting in a restaurant with Castle and Serena. Serena was gorgeous in a very short red dress that was cut very low. Castle was obviously very taken with her. Kate was dressed in her usual work clothes, jeans, a turtle neck top and a leather jacket. She felt unattractive by comparison.

"You're never going to get anyplace with Beckett. She imagined Serena saying. I, on the other hand, can offer you everything that she can't. And a few things she can't even imagine.

She imagined Castle smiling at Serena. You're right, I'm afraid. Beckett has an endless supply of problems and I seem to be at the bottom of her list of things to do. I'll be too old to care by the time she gets around to me. And, I'm not entirely sure of her honesty, you know.

Serena laughed, and took Castle's hand, sliding it up under her dress. Really, Rick. It's obvious that she doesn't care if you do love her.

Kate was shocked and dismayed at what they were saying. Castle! I know you love me, but it's just too much for me to process. I'm trying as hard as I can. I mean my mom's dead. Captain Montgomery, who was my mentor for years is not only dead, but he was involved in whatever the conspiracy was that killed Mom. And people want to kill me. And I want to love you back, and I do love you, but I have to find Mom's killer before I can seriously do anything else. Castle, can you hear me? Castle, are you even listening?

By this time, Serena was mostly nude, as was Castle.

Castle!

He's not listening. Suddenly Doctor Burke was sitting beside her. You really have to be more careful, Kate. You can't expect Castle to wait for you forever. Sooner or later, the man is going to decide that you're just not there for him and that you never will be.

Kate's imagination had now taken the four of them to Castle's loft and his bedroom. Castle was hard at work doing his best to fuck Serena's brains out. She was screaming his name and begging for more.

Castle, I will be there for you. I promise. Please just wait for me.

Why should he? Asked the imaginary Dr. Burke. I mean you told him to do what he wished with Serena. On some level, you know that this is what he wanted to do to Serena. And you know that on a much deeper level, this is what he wants with you. Except he wants more with you. A lot more. He wants always. And that terrifies you, doesn't it.

Kate nodded. Yes. I've never really gotten to a place in my relationships with men where I could think this way. Not until Castle. I was only nineteen when my life fell apart. I don't know what to do. I've literally never done this before.

The imaginary Dr. Burke snorted. Of course you do. Anyone with a modicum of sense could tell you what to do. The next time he suggests that he might want to see another woman, don't give him permission. Certainly you can think of some way of letting him know you're still interested in him without telling him that you're deeply in love with him?

I don't know. I'm afraid that if I say anything, I won't be able to stop. I'll tell him everything and then Mom won't be the most important thing in my life. I can't do that to her.

Burke shrugged, and put his arm around Kate, sliding his hand to her magnificent ass. Then perhaps we can go someplace private. I can explain the theory of penis envy to you.

"No!" Kate said out loud.

Castle looked up. "Pardon? Is something wrong?"

Kate quickly shook her head, blushing while she did so. "No, everything is all right. It's just something I forgot to do. Something personal. Yes. Something very personal. Something I need to do with you. "Are you enjoying your burger?" She asked, smiling.

"Outstanding." He said quickly. "Thanks. I really enjoy this."

"Me too." She kept smiling at him, hoping he'd understand that she meant she enjoyed being with him.

Castle went back to his burger, but kept an eye on Beckett. I really don't understand Beckett. I've said that to myself about a gazillion times now. Back when we were at the swings, she pretty much told me that she wanted a relationship with me, but that I'd have to wait. But then she almost seemed to give me permission to see Serena. Was she trying to tell me that I should move on?

Move on? To hell with that idea. I'm glad I didn't let things go any farther with Serena. I'd rather be here with Beckett at Remy's than eating strawberries in Serena's room. One way or another, I'm in this to the end.