107. Chapter 107

After Head Case

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: No, I still don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Kate Beckett sat at her desk, completing the paperwork on the murder of Lester Hamilton and the suicide of his wife, Cynthia. She snuck a quick look at Castle who was sitting quietly playing with one of the apps on his phone.

A crime of love. She thought. Mrs. Hamilton killed her husband and then herself so she could have the hope of being with her husband forever. What would I do for love? I have dedicated my whole adult life to solving Mom's murder. It changed my whole life. What would I be if not for that murder? A successful lawyer? Would I be a rich, politically connected lawyer, the kind I've come to loathe? Or would I be more like Mom? Fighting for those ignored by the system. I'd like to think the latter, but I was so ambitious then. If I'd wanted to be the first female Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, I'd have needed political connections and money.

I managed to save Dad from alcohol. He took Mom's death even harder than I did. No! That's not right. I had an option, once I figured it out. I could become a cop and get justice for Mom. He didn't have that option. Tracking down her killer isn't a job for a middle aged lawyer. It may not even be a job for a dedicated, kick ass detective. That's why he turned to the bottle. He had no other options. All he could do was drown his pain in alcohol and eventually accept her loss and move on.

She snuck another look at Castle. He was still playing with his phone. She smiled, then quickly turned away from him. What about Castle and me? Would Kathrine Beckett, Esq. Attorney-at-Law have ever met a world famous murder mystery writer? If I was some wealthy attorney, we might have met. We'd have moved in the same circles, probably. We would have met, had an affair, broken up and gone our separate ways. If I was a public interest lawyer would I have met Castle? Sure. He's very big on charities. I would have been trying to raise money for some good cause and Castle would have been very generous. He'd want to sleep with me in return, of course. No! That's wrong. Once I would have thought of Castle like that, but not now. He'd never try to force me into his bed. He's a good man. I know that now.

And what do I do with my good man? I love Castle. He loves me. And here we sit, doing nothing about it. I need Castle, I know that now. He's not just my partner anymore, although he is still that. And I need my partner. I know I'll never figure out who's behind Mom's murder without Castle. The two of us are more than the sum of our parts. Lanie thinks it's cute the way we finish each other's sentences and say "I know who the killer is!" at once. I know the truth. It isn't cute. It's magic. Of course, I can never tell Castle that.

Once I find who killed Mom, I can be the woman that Castle deserves. I can be the woman I want to be for him. I will be that woman and Castle will be my man. Until then, I can't let him know how I really feel about him. If he knew…If he knew, I'd have to put Rick Castle ahead of everything else in my life and I can't do that yet.

Could we be together for eternity? There's a thought.

Rick Castle snuck another look at Beckett. That's what all the great love stories are about, right? Beating the odds. Now there's someone who'll beat the odds. Put a bullet in Kate Beckett's heart and she just gets up more determined than ever to go after you. That's one of the reasons I love her so much. And the thing that terrifies me the most. I'm helping to keep her alive by lying to her. I can't let her know that. It would destroy what we have. I cannot lose Kate. I've come so close to losing her before. With Demming, with Josh, and with that damned sniper. I know what losing her is like. I can't take that.

But beating the odds. That's what I've done with Beckett, isn't it? Oh, I tease her, but she really didn't like me at all when we first met. I thought that she was remarkable, fascinating and completely not my type. And one day I found that I was in love with a woman who was with another man.

I have no idea how she managed that. I've had women try to land me before. Two have succeeded. She's the first woman who didn't try to land me and got me hook, line and sinker. And she says she doesn't believe in magic. What else do you call it?

An eternity with Beckett? Why not? I have the money. If I can manage to convince her….Oh, yes. I have to keep her from getting killed before I can convince her. To convince her, she has to know that I love her. She has to admit that she loves me. I'm positive that's what she meant that day on the swings. And the wall that keeps her from loving anyone won't come down until she catches her mom's killer, and she won't catch her mom's killer while I'm keeping her from investigating it. A Mexican standoff.

He glanced at Beckett again. She was frowning in concentration as she worked on the reports. Okay, first I keep Kate alive. Then I worry about eternity.

Kevin Ryan stared at Beckett and Castle, sitting there together. "I don't get it, Javi. She dumped Demming. He dumped Gina. She dumped Josh. Neither of them are with anyone else. But they're not together. What's wrong with this picture?"

Javier Esposito, craned his head around and looked at Beckett's desk. "Who knows, bro? The ways of Beckett are not for mere mortals to understand."

"Thank you, Master Po." Ryan said, sarcastically. "That's the best you can do?"

"She was nineteen when she became a cop to solve her mom's murder. She's been at this for a dozen years now. Killed the guy who killed her mom and took a bullet that was sent by the guy who paid Coonan. She's gotta do this. She can't stop now."

"Yeah, but how long will Castle wait for her?"

Esposito smiled. "For an eternity."