10. Chapter 10

After When the Bow Breaks

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Have I ever claimed to own Castle? No! Rating: K+ Time: Isn't it obvious?

Kate Beckett walked into her place, slammed the door behind her, and walked over to her kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of wine, a glass and then sat down heavily on her couch. Damn! Damn! Damn! She thought to herself. I thought he liked me. Just a little maybe, but I really thought he liked me. She laughed bitterly. What did you think would make him like you? Was it when you said you hated him? Maybe those times you said you'd shoot him. How about the time you said you'd break his legs if he called you his muse again? You criticized his last Derreck Storm novel, based on what? Your vast experience as a writer? He's Richard Freaking Castle! He's written twenty four best sellers. Twenty four! Oh, and you also lied about not reading the Nikki Heat book after he got it for you. He did get it for you, after all. How could you possibly think he'd know you'd want to read it after all the things you said about Nikki Heat and the book? Nikki heat is a stripper name. That's what you said.

Kate took a long drink of her wine and felt tears start in her eyes. She wiped her eyes. No! I won't cry over this. He wanted to write that damned book about Bond, I know he did. I told him he could. I told him he could do what he wanted. I didn't ask him to do what I wanted, and he didn't ask me what I wanted. And then the book release party. God, did I ever screw that up! Nikki Heat needs a better writer? I love the damned book. Nikki is what I wish I was. Okay, we're both good at our jobs, really good. We're good looking. We can attract men. But Nikki isn't paralyzed by the thought of ever letting anyone get past her defenses. She isn't terrified of losing someone she loves like you're afraid of losing someone, just like you lost mom. She slept with Jameson Rook. She isn't afraid.

She took another long drink of her wine, then drank the rest of it down. She got up and refilled her glass, then sat back on the couch. He didn't even have the courtesy to ask me if he could keep shadowing me. He left the details to his agent. I'm just some minor business arrangement to him. He even tried to pretend he had nothing to do with it! No reason to ask if Kate Beckett wants Castle around. And I do, dammit, I do! Even with his silly theories and his wild speculation, he's…He's fun. Dammit! How could I have screwed this up so badly?

She took another long drink of wine. It was starting to relax her. I screwed this up from the beginning. She thought. I was so impressed when I first met him at the launch for the last Derreck Storm book. Okay, I didn't let myself go all fangirl on him, but I' a cop. I have to be professional. But he was such a disappointment. He was so…immature! Except that he did keep you from arresting the wrong man and getting him convicted. Not so immature then, was he?

Kate sighed. He asked me out at the end of the case. I turned him down. My favorite author, the guy who solved my case and I turned him down. He hasn't asked me out again. He could suggest we get a drink after work, maybe grab a bite of lunch. Maybe even a real dinner date, but he hasn't asked.

I hate one night stands. I hate them, but I should have gone to dinner with him and gone to bed with him. Would that have changed things? Would I have just been another conquest? Someone he'd sleep with and forget? No, he had Nikki Heat in mind even then. I know it. And now he has three books to do and that means I have time.

She drank the last of the wine in her glass. So what do I do with the time? I know he likes me! He has to like me! He's not what I thought he was like when we first met. I've seen him with Alexis and Martha. I've seen with crime victims. I can do this! I have to be less abrasive with him. But I can't start gushing over him like he was my favorite author and the man who kept me from completely losing it when Mom died. I have to be professional, but friendly. That's it, professional but friendly. And I'll see where that leads. If anywhere.

Richard Castle walked into his place, slammed the door behind him and walked over to his kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of Scotch, and a glass, then sat down heavily on his couch. Damn! Damn! Damn! He thought to himself. I thought she liked me. Just a little bit maybe, but I really thought she liked me. Castle laughed at himself. Sure, what's not to like? I treated her like some damned bimbo. I said she could spank me, I came onto her at the end of the first case. Sure, I could be her conquest. And how about telling her there in the morgue that I'd explain how sex works? No wonder she hates me.

Castle downed his Scotch and filled his glass again. I saw her pain there in the precinct on the first case when I told her about herself. I saw it again when she told me about her mom and dad. She needs someone to comfort and help her, not insult her.

The Nikki Heat book is good, I know that. But it sent the wrong message to her. I was trying to show her that I thought she really was remarkable, tough, smart, dedicated, compassionate, oh, and slutty. I had to say slutty. It's no secret that she's Nikki and I'm Rook, so naturally she took the book to be just my pornographic imagination imagining what she'd be like in bed.

Castle downed his second Scotch. It was relaxing him. I tried to talk to her there in that hallway in the SRO. Of course she isn't happy to be the real life Nikki Heat. Then there was the book release party. I thought the dedication was nice. Maybe I should have said more. Or less. She told me to do what I wanted to, that I would anyway. Hell, all I wanted was to get some idea of how she would feel if I stuck around.

Castle thought about it and poured himself a nice, stiff Scotch. What was Paula thinking of? If I'd had a heads up, I could have broken it gently to her, maybe I could have mentioned that I do think she's the most remarkable, infuriating, complex and fascinating woman I've ever met. I should have said something, but she just seemed to get madder the more I talked. I do want to be with her. Even if the book had been a bust, I'd still find some way to be around her, learn more about her, comfort her pain, maybe even…

I do have time now, though. I have a three book deal. I need to try to control myself around her. I can't do or say anything that'll make her think the only thing I'm interested in is getting her in bed. I'd love to, of course, but I want more. We deserve more. Except there is no "we".

Okay, so Rick Castle will be calm, cool, collected, professional and maybe…Maybe, and then again, maybe not.