I told the witchdoctor I was in love with you.

Joe was in the cargo hold of the warship he couldn't go anywhere for fear of being exposed to the cold airlessness of space.

The aliens had to be stopped at all costs.

My primary objective now is to blow up Neptron IXXXV I will destroy them all to spare the universe from their nefarious plots. I should go into stasis I have no idea how long this trip was going to last. Joe took a nap.

The cruiser had pulled up at the Junk Hall. Jimbo got out and fired up his generator.

He cut on the fluorescent lights in his main shop area . He cleared off a metal work table.

"Ok guys set him down on the table so I can get a good look at him."

"I am not touching him Tinker I just had my bi weekly bath. That's all you guys." Young Three said.

"He's still covered in barnyard mud. Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked White Tides

"Nothing around here is exactly sterile Scholar."

"Since Three doesnt want to help I suppose it's up to me." The Scholar wasnt exactly looking forward to having muck on him either.

Joe had opened his eyes as soon as he no longer heard the reactors running.

The foul Neptronian scum must have me at their lab now. I just need to bide my time and wait for a chance to escape. You shall all soon fear the Axe of Dhume.

The Scholar had little trouble moving Joe from the cruiser onto the table. As soon as he placed Joe on the table he noticed a grubby little teddy bear book bag on his back.

"I better get that off of him. I don't want him hurting himself."

"Shadonl aprangle hazbajeet." Joe cursed back at the Neptronian. Eat the placenta of a dead moose you inbred jackanape. "Hmm no response was garnered from this Neptronian it must be my accent."

"Hey Tinker he's still spouting babble. How's that enema coming?"

"I have the tobacco ready to light. Now I just need to find my bellows. They should be in this pile here."

He kicked a pile of objects over with his foot roughly sorting them into two piles with his right boot. "I found it." He collapsed to bellows then inserted the freshly rolled cheroot into the mouth of the bellows. He grabbed a brass Zeppo lighter from his breast pocket. He flicked it a couple of times until it lit then touched it to the cigar and expanded the bellows. It sucked it all down in one go he cleaned the inside of the mouth of the bellows out with a #2 Phillips screwdriver that was handy.

"Prepare the patient, Nurse White Tides, bring me that tub of axel grease."

"Uhh how did I become a nurse and why do you need axel grease?"

"I'm not a savage. Nurse White Tides we have no local anesthetic to administer. The axel grease is for lubrication. Save our poor patient some pain you sadist"

Joe felt the probe enter his nether regions. He squirmed against his bonds but whatever materials they were made of just wouldn't budge. The alien scientist made some notes on his filmy clipboard.

"Ok "Dr." the time is currently 4 am at what intervals should the smoke be administered?"

"I need to apply the electro shock therapy. Unfortunately we can't take the holistic approach with the eels we will need the taser as unnatural as that is it's the only option."

"That still doesn't answer my question Tinker when is Joe due for another round of smoke?"

" The Elder was stingy with the tobacco that's the only dose I had."

"Three can you get that gun belt I took off that cop it should be in the front floorboard somewhere."

"Anything else from the car?" Three asked the Scholar."I call dibs on the nightstick!

"Sure whatever you want but the Tinker needs that taser."

She walked past the table Joe was on and out the door.

I must be hallucinating thought Joe.

That was the Contessa. My love give me strength. He strained against the bonds one more time.

"Oh shit Jimbo that smoke must have done something he's just snapped the chain on the handcuffs." The Scholar held him down by force.

"Really? Young Three wasn't kidding if he's able to pop loose a hardened steel chain he might be a 1 star. Let's seem him break a piece of Spidersilk after I hogtie him and put in a double Clovis hitch."

"What's Spidersilk? Double Clovis hitch?"

The Tinker dug around in his big red rolling toolbox bedecked with beer labels and scantily clad women. He held his prize a thin white piece of rope about 10 ft long and no bigger around than a pinkie finger.

"This is Spidersilk. It's an experimental product that the Defense Department was working on to help catch jet fighter aircraft with non functional brakes. A double Clovis hitch is a family secret passed down in my family from the time of my great grandfather Clovis."

"How did you get any of that rope?"

"Fishing trip." Jimbo grinned.

Jimbo took the time to tie Joe up hand to ankle on each side and left the excess hanging off the side of the table.

"Any change?"asked Three returning with the utility belt from the car. "Why is he trussed up like a steer at a rodeo?

"He almost got loose. We can't have him getting out and making a mess of the place."The Tinker laughed as he saw the look on the others faces. He held out the his hand to accept the belt. He put on the belt and took out the taser. He then started the therapy.

*2 agonizing hours later

The Tinker took out the flashlight to check Joe's eyes and mouth.

This must be the head researcher. I assume so because he seems intent upon studying my head. Thought Joe why does he have that fierce looking laser pointing to my eyes.

"His pupils are extremely dilated. He is showing signs of increased strength and agressiveness. My original prognosis was correct qi deviation." The Tinker said solemnly.

"So how do we fix it Tinker?" The Scholar was nervous thinking that his plan had even less chance of success now.

"I don't know."

"What kind of answer is that?" asked Young Three

"Obviously not the one you want. The only thing we can do is to keep trying different things."

"I thought you were a doctor."disappoint was in Three's eyes.

"Neptronians there's a woman on Earth that I have known only a short time. I fell in love with her. In my bag their is a family heirloom I want her to have it back." Joe spoke this time in English.

"See I'm the greatest doctor ever he's speaking English again the treatment continues." Jimbo was pleased with himself.

Three was curious so she opened the little teddy bear sack. Inside she saw some instant coffee,a gold locket ,and a pair of her panties

"When did you start stealing panties you freak?" She sprayed Joe's mouth full of pepper spray.