THE LAST TEARS

After finishing his business in Wubei Temple, Chu Wanning went to Lin'an. In his past life, although he believed that he came from Lin'an, he had never cared to visit the area. This time around, he felt obliged to pay his respect to the Chu family that succumbed to a tragic fate in the battle two hundred years ago.

Chenghuang Temple was destroyed during the Ghost King's last attack. The ruins on the ground were saturated with thick resentment energy from those who died. Even after a long time had passed, no one dared to build anything on the tainted land, for fear of catching bad karma.

Chu Wanning slowly walked toward the broken stairs of Chenghuang Temple. At the bottom of the stairs, someone had put up three Buddha statues huddled close together. Judging from the height, they represented Chu Xun, Madam Chu, and Chu Lan. Their faces had been eroded by nature, making it impossible to recognize the merciful Buddha faces. A withered haitang branch was placed respectfully in front of the Buddha statues. Chu Wanning did not need to second-guess the person who arranged for the Buddha statues and the haitang branch. In his mind, he could see Master Huaizui's tear-streaked face as he begged the three statues again and again for forgiveness without receiving a single answer.

Chu Wanning took out three red bean paste pastries that he just bought from a street vendor. The pastries were still warm and carefully wrapped inside a paulownia leaf. Chu Wanning did not remember much about Chu Xun and Chu Lan save for the uncanny facial similarities, but he remembered the small boy who offered him half of the same red bean pastry within the illusory realm.

Chu Lan was a kind-hearted, adorable child. He called him "Uncle" so freely within the illusory realm, probably because Chu Wanning looked so similar to Chu Xun and because he was helping Chu Xun out.

The little boy clapped his hands and prayed for the souls of the departed before leaving.

Chu Wanning spent two whole days in Lin'an to enjoy the local specialties. He also bought a few jars of Pear Blossom White, his favorite wine, from a wine shop.

The inn that he stayed at was situated near a lake. Because his appearance was that of a small child, he was unable to get a room at the inn easily. After much consideration, the innkeeper finally allowed him to stay because Chu Wanning had nowhere else to go.

At night when everyone was sleeping, Chu Wanning sneaked out and went to the lake pavilion with some goodies. He climbed on the wooden bench while looking at the moon high up in the sky. The jars of Pear Blossom White were placed on the table but remained unopened. The little boy drank from the jars of soymilk he bought from the inn instead.

When Chu Wanning sat with jars of Pear Blossom White under the moon like that, he was reminded of a cheerful young man who introduced him to wine for the first time in his life. He had just finished a month of apprenticeship and wanted to celebrate a little. Instead of celebrating with the other teenagers his age, he chose to celebrate with Chu Wanning at Red Lotus Pavilion.

The young man did not have money so he borrowed some money from his uncle to buy his Shizun some wine that he tasted at the village at the foot of the mountain. The wine that Mo Ran brought was Pear Blossom White. Although it was strong, it was also mellow and fragrant. Thinking back, Chu Wanning was not sure whether he truly liked how Pear Blossom White tasted or whether he liked it because it was Mo Ran who bought it for him.

The youth had asked him a lot of questions that night. His favorite food, the types of pastries that he liked. Mo Ran listed them out and grinned at him, commenting that "Shizun sure likes sweet things."

The young man then spoke from a huge and yet childish ambition in his heart.

"When I grow up, I will use all my money to buy delicious things for Shizun. I will collect all sorts of delicious food from the world, note them down in a book, and accompany Shizun to eat all the good food in the world! And then..."

What was it that he said then?

Chu Wanning closed his eyes and tears fell across his fair cheeks.

He could not remember.

He did not pay attention to the youth's noisy chatter, thinking that he was a silly boy who was speaking nonsense.

"Mo Ran," he softly called, in a place where the youth could neither hear nor answer him.

In two lifetimes, Chu Wanning never felt more alone. He was not a human being, but he too once dreamed about having someone who would hold his hand and drank with him under the moon. He also wished to have a trusted companion by his side. Someone to share the hardship and joy in life.

He once wanted to share mutual, deep affection with someone.

He once thought that he found the person.

He thought that... Stupidly, he thought that Mo Ran was the person.

The youth was a lot younger than he was. Ten years separated them from each other. Mo Ran was clumsy and awkward at times, but back then, his words and attitude to Chu Wanning were brimming with sincerity.

Until Chu Wanning single-handedly destroyed the sincerity with his own hands, trampling over the young man's heart mercilessly and severing every strand of affection between them.

Why?

Chu Wanning sobbed.

Why did he do that?

Why could he not be more gentle, more understanding?

Why was everything that came from his mouth full of sarcasm and devoid of friendliness?

Why was he unable to see the pain in Mo Ran's heart, his struggles with the Hatred Flower?

Why was his temperament as cold as wood, but his heart as vulnerable to pain as a human being's?

A sorrowful wailing sound was heard coming from the lake pavilion, where a little boy cried his eyes out while leaning against the table.

It was fine, was it not?

It was the last time.

It was the last time he would ever wallow in self-pity and shed tears for his own sake. When Chu Wanning went back to Sisheng Peak the next day, he had to step up as the revered, poised, and aloof Yuheng Elder again. No sign of weakness must be shown to the others.

Because it was the last time, Chu Wanning let himself go and cried until late into the night. When he got tired of crying, he dragged his small body back to the room and threw himself on the bed.

Chu Wanning emerged from his room the next morning with puffy eyes and a hoarse voice. Other than that, Xia Sini had completely disappeared and was replaced with Chu-zongshi who had no time to waste. The Heavenly Rift was coming and he had to be prepared.