26. Distorted Reality

"Tila?"

"Tila wake up"

I opened my eyes and the blurry vision of the training room started to come into focus. Hidan gently sets me down, my feet touch the ground. Leader was standing directly in front of the three of us.

"We're back? Where is Sasori and Deidara?" I asked, still feeling a groggy from my lack of sleep.

No one answered me. Silence.

"Deidara lost both his arms fighting the Nine Tails. Kakuzu, I need you to stitch him up right away." Leader said, expression blank. Kakuzu gives a rough Hm. Part of me thought I'd misheard...

"What?" I stammered. "..and Sasori?" I questioned, now feeling panic flow over me in waves. Hidan and Kakuzu exchange blank stares momentarily, I caught it out of the corner of my eye.

"Sasori is dead."

The word- Dead, echoes in my head, over and over, like a broken record. I felt a crack in my chest, then a shiver, one unlike any other run like ice down my spine. Paralysed on the spot, my lip quivers.

"Sasori.." His name leaves me in barely a whisper, denial filling my mind. I felt my body turn, without my control, my legs begin to walk in the direction of his room, my hand shakes violently as I turn the door handle and push the door open. I stare into the void.

"Sasori?" My voice calls, trembling. As if I was expecting to see him sitting at his desk, screwing a puppet arm on.

Nothing. The room is empty.

"Maybe he's playing hide and seek," I desperately try to convince myself, holding back my the aching lump building in my throat, threatening to spill from my eyes.

I walk over to the carpet and push it aside, wrench open the floorboards and slowly start to walk down the rickety wooden staircase.

"Sasori?" I whisper, nothing left in me but anguish.

"Please" Desperation. I step off the last stair, feet meeting with the cold concrete floor. I stare around the room, in between the spaces that his puppets hung from, up to the ceiling. But, Nothing.

"Nothing."

"You're not here either..."

"Sasori"

"You're not coming back are you..." The horror of accepting reality makes me tremble, the knot in my chest pounds hard, bringing me to my knees. Truth sinks deeply into my heart. It's so hard to breathe. The thumping of my heart like a drum with every beat. I cried out desperately.

"Sasori please.." My voice breaks, "Don't leave me." I plead, unable to control my sobs.

My head spins so fast, I clutch it and lower it to the ground. As I feel myself hit the cold of the floor my hysterical sobbing rings in my ears.

"I just want one more kiss, please.." I whisper, cheeks drenched in tears.

I manage to hush my hysteria, finally closing my eyes. Remnants of him project themselves across the black on my eyelids. Of Sasori's touch, his kiss, of those gorgeous beige eyes and that familiar comforting voice. All gone. Never to return.

No.. I pleaded with myself again, in disbelief.

"NO!" I screamed in denial loudly; My voice echoed piercingly from wall to wall, I clutch my head in my hands tightly and started to tear hard at my hair, as if the physical pain would relieve the intense loneliness in my heart... But it doesn't. I let go of my hair, I let go of my tears, I let go of my everything, I let go of my love... Sasori.

This last thought swept me out of reality.

___________________________

You were my back bone when my body ached with weariness.

You were my comforting home when my heart was filled with loneliness.

Just as the dark was rising, I heard you shut the door again.

Just as the light turns off, I know who I dream of.

You left me kneeling.

You were my everything.

___________________________

I started to stir. But, all I could see were distorted blurs.

I wanted to stay right here.

Not wanting to be aware of what was happening.

Reality focused in and out: I was in someone's arms, black hair and red eyes.

Am I dreaming?

Stay awake Tila, your not dreaming.

Suddenly there was a flash of red hair and soft brown orbs before my eyes

"Tila."

Sasori's faint voice had disappeared before I even had a chance to linger in the sound.

______________________________

I am sitting up in an unfamiliar bed. I breath out slowly but shakily, taking in my surroundings and desperately trying to relax the panic that's yearning inside of me. Red and black blanket, dark red walls, the light is dim, a bookshelf filled to the brim with books and papers. I glaze over the room taking it all in, I cannot rationalise, as hard as I try, I just cannot.

"Tila?" A deep cold voice lurks my name, I feel tears leaving my eyes.

"Itachi." I whisper in disbelief, now seeing his tall mysterious figure before me. I watch wearily as he sits down on the edge of the bed, watching me intently. Those cold eyes.

"I can't feel anything," I say slowly, meeting his gaze for answers.

"I found you down in Sasori's lab Tila, you were a mess." He tells, void of emotion.

"I.. He's.. Gone." I whisper. Tears silently fall. No words leave Itachi, the dark onyx pools in his eyes tell all.

"I'm sorry Itachi, I.. Don't know.. What to feel, what.. to do." I stutter quietly. The door slams open hard, hitting the wall with force. Deidara is standing in the doorway with an incredulous look on his face.

"Tila, where have you been? I was so worried about you, un." He says, so seriously. Before I can say anything Itachi stands up swiftly and walks over to Deidara, whispers something in his ear and then leaves, cloak bellowing behind him. His figure disappears around the corner of the door frame.

Deidara had nod. Then, hastily closed the door behind him. Sitting down where Itachi was only moments ago, and, pulls me into a massive hug. I feel my face press up against Deidara's shoulder as he holds me tight. When did he ever act like this... It seemed so out of character right now.. I didn't know how to react, I just hugged him back weakly.

______________________

I couldn't recall the events that took place after I had been told Sasori had died. All I knew was that I felt empty and my heart ached with every beat. Deidara was worried. I could feel it in the way he embraced me.

When he pulled away slowly, he still gripped me by the shoulders. His blue eyes following the silent tears still tumbling down my cheeks. The only thing I saw when I looked back into his crystal clear eyes was pain.

"Let's get you back into your own bed, yeah?" He asked in a whisper. I nodded, so he carefully pulled the bed covers off me. I placed my legs over the edge of the bed one after the other and stood up. Deidara watched as I wiped the tears from my cheeks, my mind was in such a daze.

I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder as he guided me towards the door, Itachi's room had a warm feeling to it.. Itachi had helped me.

"Wait, I need to say thankyou." I shook Deidara's arm loose and reached for a pen and slip of paper that sat on Itachi's desk.

'Thankyou Itachi' Was all that I could think of so I wrote it down and put it onto his pillow. Deidara gave me a small smirk as I turned back around.

"Thoughtful, un." He said. I put my arm around his mid, he holds on to me again, his arm back around my shoulder as we slowly make for my room. We trudged down the dimly lit corridor together, my legs were weak. Deidara essentially being the only thing holding me up. My will to live was a flame on the brink of extinguishing. I thought I was stronger than this.

The door swung open and Deidara walked me into my room, pulled back my bed covers and gently guided me down onto the bed. I felt my body hit the softness of my sheets then, Deidara who was still standing by the side of my bed, rolled me over to the wall before laying beside me.

"Dei, you're too good to me." I say, he pulls the blanket over both of us and looks at me.. Worry still overflowing his gaze.

"It's nothing Til, I just want to make sure your alright. I think I was the only one who knew how close you and Sasori were.. Hm." He explains, our voices are so quiet.

The mention of his name. Sasori. Trickles of salty tears dampen my cheeks, yet again. I could taste them as they rolled over my lips. I couldn't control them, it's as if they were free falling without me even knowing.

"I can't explain -" I started to say, but, Deidara nodded and I got the feeling that my words weren't necessary.

"I hate to admit it but, Sasori was my partner. Closest thing I had to friend in a long time, un." He admitted, rolling on his back and staring up at the ceiling. I watched him, as though contemplating something of importance.

"I've already been assigned a new partner, Hm." he sounded annoyed.

"Who?" I asked, It didn't take long for him to be replaced.

"His names Tobi, acts like he's ten." He rolls his eyes at the roof. I close my eyes and try imagine how a new member of the Akatsuki could act like a kid, but, I just can't seem to picture it. My mind wandered off in to erratic thought and I could start to feel how dirty I was. I couldn't remember the last time I showered actually..

"Ew." I said accidentally aloud. Dei turned his head to me questioningly.

"Don't worry, I'm just talking to myself." I shake my head.

"Tell me. It's fine, yeah?" He rolls on his side, giving me his full attention. I sigh. Not really knowing how to decipher what my mind was ranting about.

"I just feel dirty but I don't know if I have the strength to get up. I can't remember the last time I had a shower. I can't even remember what happened to me after Leader told me that Sasori was..." I stopped, not being able to fathom saying the words out aloud.

"I'll just help you out in the shower, un." Deidara said, a little too casually than I imagined was possible. My cheeks went pink.

"Um. How? Are you.. Err?" I stumbled my words badly, like I'd forgotten how to speak. But, Dei just sat up and brushed his hair out of his face.

"I'll come in and stay with you, but I'll just keep me eyes closed. Yeah? Just in case anything happens I'll be right there, un." He explained, smirking very slightly. I thought about it for a moment. That wasn't so bad, was it? He wouldn't see anything and if anything happened he would be right there. But.. I guess we are pretty good friends ..Oh whatever.

"Okay, let's go. Just don't peek or I'll kill you." I said, putting emphasis on the word kill. He chuckled at me, pushing my face gently back in a playful way.

"you know I'm not like that, hm." he exclaimed, teasingly, before pulling back the covers and getting out of bed. He opened my wardrobe up wide.

"What do you want to wear then, lady Tila? Hm!" He hums, playing along smugly.

"What's with you and your crazy games?" I mumbled under my breath, mentally giving in to Dei's antics.

"What was that? You want to wear this?" He cooes, pulling out a random singlet and shorts from the draws. I watched as he threw them down on my bed and gave me a cheeky grin.

It made me wanna face palmed, watching Deidara being weird. But instead, slowly scooted over to the edge of my bed and sat up. Deidara held out his arm to support me with as I got on my feet.

He walked me over to the bathroom and ran the water, checking that the temperature was right before going over to the corner.

"It's good, get in." He grinned before facing the wall. I stared at him, checking he wasn't peeking. It didn't look like it so I took my top off then started to undo my jeans. I pull them down. But, for some reason I couldn't get them all the way down. It was like my hips had miraculously grown wider and I just couldn't manage to pull them all the way down! It must be all the Ramen I eat, Damn.

"Dei.. I can't get my jeans off" I whine.

"Huh? How can you not get your own pants off? Hm?!" he exclaimed, I struggle as I try to pull them down. "Dei! It's not coming off I'm stuck!" I panic.

"Okay, wait I'm turning around yeah!" He calls. As he does, his eyes are closed, feeling around blindly for me.

"Here!" I say, reaching out to grab his hand.

"Where are you pants?" he asks, a light pink crossing his cheeks. Was he flustered? I redirected his hands to my waist.

"Just pull". I say, leaning my back against the wall. As Dei's hands found hips I felt a shiver run down my back. Oh god. I knew this was a bad idea! Why? I'm so silly. Dei pulls my pants all the way to my ankles.

"Thanks" I sigh in relief.

"Hm, don't wear such tight things from now on yeah!?" The fluster he wore still evident as he made is way back over to the corner. I took the rest of my clothes off and stepped under the hot water, it felt refreshing against my skin. My mind began to relapse over Leaders words from earlier, and I remember that Dei had lost both arms...

"Dei!" I exclaimed, accidentally making him jump in surprise. "What! What's wrong?" He panics.

"What happened to your arms!? I just remembered that you had them cut off or something?"

"Yeah, it's a long story but Kakuzu stitched them back on, Hm." I barely had heard him over the sound of running water as I finished washing up. I turned off the water and stepped back out.

"I'm just glad you're alright." I grabbed the towel and started to dry myself.

"Are you nearly done? Un." He sound a little impatient. I wrapped the towel around me.

"Yeah I'm covered." He turned around with his eyes open and looked at me.

"Girls, hmm. Always taking their time." he smirks, following me back out into my room.

"Like you can talk. Your hair is nearly as long as mine." I mumbled under my breath, sitting on my bed, "Turn around again," I pointed to the wall before he could retort.

He raised an eyebrow at me before turning but I couldn't be bothered. I just wanted to get dressed and into bed. I quickly put on the clothes he'd pulled out for me and crawled up to the head of my bed.

"Finished" I fluffed my pillow and laid my head down. Dei turned and sighed.

"Well, I should get going, hm." he said, looking around my room awkwardly. As soon as he'd said that I felt a wave of uncertainty come over me. I didn't want to be alone...

"Dei, can you.. Please stay?" I quietly look down at my palms, waiting for a response.

"Scared of the dark, are we?" He teases.

"No! I'm not.." I rebut, still looking down and fidgeting. I felt Dei crawled back into bed next to me. I smiled faintly.

"Yeah, I'll keep you company, un" he pulled the blanket up to his chin and he turned off the light.

"Goodnight Til"

"Night Dei" I whispered back.