63. Apple Pie

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"Are you sure, you don't want me to come in with you?", Castle asked for the third time since they had left the loft and Kate rolled her eyes at him, not even bothering to hide her annoyance anymore.

"I am sure," Kate huffed, frustrated, her words harsher than she had intended. She knew he only meant well, but he was driving her crazy and seriously getting on her nerves by now. "I need to do this alone," she added for emphasis.

"Okay, sure," he raised his hands and muttered, "I didn't say anything."

She watched his pouting face from the corner of her eyes as he now walked a step further away from her, his hands pushed deeply into the pockets of his coat, his shoulders hunched against the cold and against her, she assumed. Kate sighed and pushed her right hand into his left pocket, searching for his fingers and curling hers around his, but his pout only increased as he kept staring ahead, determined to ignore her. He didn't pull away though and she decided it was best to let him come around on his own.

Neither of them spoke again until they stopped in front of the small diner that had been their destination and for a moment it was awkward between them.

"I'll -," Castle pointed vaguely into the direction they had come from.

"Yes," Kate nodded, taking a deep breath, "but don't go too far, okay?"

"In case you need me?", he asked, his tone slightly sarcastic, lacking the tease she had expected.

"Yes," she said sincerely and watched his expression transform back into the concerned and worried one she had been witness to all day. She put her index finger against his lips to stop him from saying it for the fourth time, "Don't say it."

"I wasn't -," he mumbled around her finger, "going to say it."

He totally was - of course, and Kate knew it, but she gave him a sweet smile nevertheless, taking comfort in the way his nose scrunched up adorably as he tried hard to hide the truth from her.

"Anyway," he said, clearing his throat "call me when you're done?"

"You can count on it," she replied, leaning up to press a kiss against his lips, "you'll be okay on your own?"

He finally laughed at that, his eyes beaming brightly, "Yes Kate, I think I can handle an hour or two without you."

"Just checking," she smirked, shooting him a seductive look over her shoulder as she pushed open the door to the diner, setting everything straight again in their universe with just one look and Castle gulped, cursing under his breath. That little minx surely knew how to play him, two hours suddenly seemed to be an eternity.

Jim Beckett was nervously fiddling with his coffee cup as he waited for his daughter, his head shooting up whenever he heard the door to the diner open. But so far none of the entering customers had been his daughter. He wasn't worried that she wouldn't come though, that was not who she was. If she said she'd be here then she would. He simply couldn't wait to see her.

And then there she was, her tall, elegant stature coming through the door, her brown curls flying wildly around her face and he guessed the wind outside did have a say in her current hairstyle. Her eyes searched the place until they found him, and a small smile appeared on her lips as she made her way over.

"Hey Katie," her father beamed at her and then got up to wait for her to slide down into the seat across from him.

"Hey Dad," she replied nervously, pulling off her gloves and scarf before shrugging out of her thick winter coat. "It's freezing outside," she shuddered, mainly to buy some time as her eyes searched for the waitress. She needed coffee, hot, delicious coffee to warm her insides.

"I haven't ordered anything yet," her father said, "I wasn't sure what you wanted."

"How about the usual?", Kate looked at him, watching her dad's face light up.

Kate and her parents had come to the little diner for years to enjoy what to them had been New York's best apple pie until everything had changed. She hadn't been back since her mother died, she guessed neither had her dad.

She was momentarily lost in memories of happier days she had shared with her dad in this diner, while the man in question placed their order and minutes later two plates with warm apple pie and whipped cream were placed in front of them along with Kate's steaming cup of coffee. It interrupted their awkward moment of silence that had followed the beginning of their conversation, as both were unsure of how to get past the formalities and awkwardness that surrounded them.

"I wonder if it's still as good as it used to be," Jim tried to get them started again and his daughter offered him a short smile in return before she reached for her fork and tried her first piece of apple pie in years.

She couldn't stop the moan that escaped her lips after the first bite hit the taste buds on her tongue, "It definitely is," she muttered while chewing and found an expression on her father's face that probably mirrored her own.

"It's still the best," Jim nodded in agreement, happy that re-enacting this old family tradition had obviously been the right thing to do for their meeting.

They enjoyed the pie in silence for a while longer, before Jim pushed away his empty plate to cross his hands on top of the table.

"How are Rick and the girls?"

"Good," Kate smiled, "we actually just moved in with Rick, so we've been quite busy for the past few days to get everything done before New Year's Eve."

Jim frowned, "You just moved in with Rick?"

"Yes," Kate met her father's eyes, "You sound surprised."

"Well, I just assumed since he's Jamie's father and the two of you are …," he trailed off, "never mind. It's none of my business." The last thing he wanted was for Kate to think he was judging her. He busied himself with a napkin, watching his daughter from the corner of his eyes.

"What did Castle tell you?" Kate asked and if her father was surprised by the way she called her boyfriend he didn't let it show.

"Not much," Jim shrugged. "He said it was not his place to tell me."

Kate nodded and silently contemplated how to proceed, what to tell her dad about her first years with Jamie and finally decided he needed to hear the truth even though it would probably hurt them both.

"The truth is," she started, grabbing for her coffee cup to busy her hands, "Castle didn't know about Jamie until this summer."

And then she told her father everything that had happened to her and Jamie ever since she had seen him last on the day Jamie was born. How hard it had been at times, how she had pulled through nevertheless and how she regretted the decisions she had made in regard to leaving Castle in the dark for so long.

"I'm so sorry Katie," her father looked crestfallen after he had listened to her in silence as she had recalled what had been a very difficult time in her life, "when Rick came to find me I had hoped you at least had him at your side when I failed you."

Kate smiled sadly, she knew very well how much easier things could have been if she hadn't made the wrong decisions back then.

"You're a very strong woman," her father pulled her out of her thoughts, "just like your mother."

She didn't know how to respond to that and her father sensed her discomfort and tried to get them back on safer grounds.

"So when did you and Rick meet again?"

"This August," she continued, glad to keep her mind occupied with recalling her and Castle's story, "he suddenly stood in front of me and Jamie and it didn't take him too long to figure it all out."

"Jamie's eyes," Jim nodded in understanding, "it's kind of hard not to see the similarity."

"Yeah," Kate agreed, "I still tried to convince him she wasn't his at first. Needless to say we had a very rocky start but he was very persistent ...," she trailed off.

"Yeah," Jim laughed softly, "I got that impression."

"It took me a while to see what was right in front of me," she admitted shyly.

"He loves you very much," Jim surprised her with his words and her eyes shot up to look at him. "Whenever he spoke about you," her father shrugged, "call me sentimental but there is a tenderness in his voice when he speaks of you, a sparkle in his eyes. It's impossible not to see how the man feels about you."

"I love him too," Kate said, unashamed to reveal this information to her dad, no matter how estranged they might be. "I'm happy."

"You deserve to be happy," he father said sincerely, before they were interrupted by the waitress who topped up their drinks.

"And you dad? How have you been the past two years?" Kate finally turned the conversation away from herself and toward her father.

"I worked hard on myself," he said, "at least I hope so."

She gave him an encouraging nod to go on. If he wanted a real chance, she needed to know what had happened over the past two years and where he was now.

"After I left the rehab facility I went straight to an AA meeting here in New York and found myself a sponsor because I knew there would come the day when I felt like needing another drink and in a moment like this you need someone you can go to. His name is Peter, he likes fishing as much as I do so whenever I felt like it all was becoming too much, we would pack up the truck and drive out to the cabin. I spent a lot of time up there - thinking," he looked at her, "thinking about you and Jamie and how I could have let it come to this."

Jim took a deep breath, organizing his thoughts before he went on, "The first year was hard, but I managed, thanks to Peter and it got better from there on. I found a therapist who specialized in bereaved counsel and it helped a lot, to put things straight and to help me understand why I wasn't stronger, why after losing my wife I also pushed my daughter and granddaughter away. The only people I had left."

He looked at her with so much sadness in his eyes, that Kate couldn't stop herself from reaching out, cradling his hand between her own.

"The most important thing I learned in therapy," Jim went on without letting go of his daughter's hand, "was that I needed to get better for myself. That if I wanted to get better for good I had to do it for myself and no one else, not even you and Jamie because -," Kate cut him off to finish.

"Because there was no guarantee for me and Jamie to be back in your life," she nodded slowly.

Jim nodded, "Yeah, and I know there still isn't but I hope for the possibility."

They smiled at each other, their hands still joined on top of the table.

"So what are yours and Rick's plans for tomorrow?" Her father finally asked, "Big New Year's Eve party?"

Kate shook her head, "No, we're staying in with the girls. It's our first New Year's Eve together, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Jim nodded in understanding.

"But we have friends coming over from the precinct for brunch on New Year's Day," she told him happily, a sense of familiarity settling around them.

"How are things at work?" Her father asked and Kate could see real interest and curiosity in his eyes and she realized with surprise that there was a part of her that still wanted to make him proud, wanted him to approve.

She told him about her time at the academy and her early days at the 12th with Royce, her later involvement with Vice as well as about Esposito, Ryan and Lanie and about her recent position in Homicide and her possible promotion.

Her father listened intently, asked a question here and there and he was undoubtedly proud of her.

They talked, forgetting about the time until Jim reached for his daughter's hand again and gave her a beaming smile, "Thanks for today Katie, words cannot express what it means to me, but I think it's time for you to go."

She gave him a puzzled look, but her eyes followed his fingers to where they pointed toward the windows and sure enough there was Castle peeking in, looking for her and giving a cute little wave when their eyes met.

She looked at her dad, giving him an apologetic smile, but he waved her off, "Go Katie. Go home to your family."

She stood, putting on her coat while her father placed a couple of bills on the table before standing up himself.

"I had a great time," Kate told her father quietly and found his eyes sparkling at her.

"Me too, Katie," he agreed, "Give me a call?"

She nodded and turned to leave, catching Castle still peeking through the window and made a decision.

"Actually, how about you join us on New Year's Day?" She asked, watching the surprise wash over her father's face.

"Are you sure?" He asked, nervously grabbing his own coat.

"No," she laughed insecurely, "but I want you to come."

"Then I'll be there," he told her.

"Good," she smiled and then finally turned and left.

Outside in the cold, Castle was stepping from one foot to the other, shivering as he impatiently waited for her to finish saying goodbye to her dad. And finally she pushed through the door and into his arms.

"Hey," she greeted him, her lips finding his in a brief kiss.

"Hey," he smiled, pulling her back in for another kiss and then watched a smirk grow on her face, "What?"

"I knew you couldn't handle being without me for so long," she grinned and then tugged him along. "Let's go home Castle."

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